


The End of the World

by OmniAni



Series: Take My Hand And Home We'll Go [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Blood, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-11-17 17:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniAni/pseuds/OmniAni
Summary: Though Alie is long gone, the world is far from safe. It's a race against radiation as Y/N Kane and her friends try to save the rest of humanity before inevitable demise. Welcome to Season 4 of the 100.





	1. Echoes

I exhaled slowly, fighting through the dull aching pain in my side. Abby said I was absurdly lucky the shard of metal hadn't impaled anything important; just barely missed ripping the lining of my colon. Though I was stitched up and healing, I wasn't able to stand on my own legs for a while, let alone fight anyone. For today, at least, Bellamy was going to have to be my third leg. Honestly, I didn't mind. It meant more time close to him. Make up for lost time. 

Leaning against him, we stepped out at the bottom of the Polis tower, Clarke alongside us. The city that once carried exuberance and color was filled with moans of pain, stacked with bodies, stained with blood. It was a terrible sight. Perhaps the dead were lucky; the rest of us only had six months before radiation came to claim us. I had hope we'd find something to escape it, but I couldn't ignore the dire reality. 

I glanced at Bellamy's concerned face, his eyes clearly searching for a certain someone. I gripped a little tighter to his arm. "She'll be okay. Octavia can take care of herself."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Bellamy replied, not meeting my gaze. 

Oh, Pike then. Octavia had run a sword through him, killing him. Everyone knew she killed him. If it hadn't been her, probably would have been me. 

"She won't be charged," I reassured him. "Everyone will say Pike had it coming."

Bellamy sighed. "Maybe we all do."

I guessed he still hadn't forgiven himself. Hopefully he knew I had, and I wasn't ever giving up on him again. 

"How do we tell these people that the world is ending after everything they've been through?" Clarke murmured beside us. 

A fair question. That was not news easily delivered. 

"We don't," Bellamy said. "Not until we know Alie was telling you the truth."

"It  _was_ the truth," Clarke argued. 

"Still," Bellamy grunted. "Keep it to ourselves until we know what we're dealing with and how to stop it."

Clarke pursed her lips. "You're afraid of how people will react."

"Yes!" Bellamy exclaimed. "Besides, I could use a break from keeping you alive."

I snorted, and opened my mouth to agree, but Bellamy put his arm around my shoulders, giving me another squeeze. 

"You too, you know," Bellamy said, cracking a smile. "You have a habit of getting yourself into as much trouble as her."

I beamed at Clarke who shook her head, but couldn't hide the smile twitching at her lips. It fell away almost immediately, and mine followed suit. "You gave them back their pain, Clarke. Don't add to it by telling them we're going to die in six months."

Clarke nodded in agreement. 

Bellamy said, "Good. Once everyone's down, we go home, we get to work. We didn't survive this long just to let a little radiation take us out."

Wailing echoed from our right. Immediately Clarke snapped into action. Though it pained me to do so, I picked up my pace until we were all beside a despaired woman holding a lifeless man in her hands. He looked more or less fine. 

"He didn't fall," I remarked, taking in the lack of blood and bruises. 

Horror filled Clarke's face. "He chased me in the City of Light. Lexa killed him."

The woman rose to her feet, stone cold anger carved onto her face. "Wanheda. You did this."

All around us, everyone stepped away. Murmurs rippled through the crowd, and my stomach twisted in anxiety. This did not bode well. For any of Skaikru. Knowing how things have gone in the past, they were going to blame us for this. 

I interlocked my fingers with Bellamy's as we walked through the tense crowd to meet with my Dad, Abby, and Jaha. 

"Good, you're down," Clarke greeted them. "We have to go. The rover's in the north woods."

"What about the wounded?" Abby asked. 

Dad glanced at me, and I offered him a sheepish smile. 

"Grounders don't want our help," Bellamy said. "Our people we'll treat at Arkadia." 

Abby pursed her lips, clearly not sure about it, but before anyone could protest, Raven's voice crackled through Bellamy's radio. 

"Bellamy? You there? Please come in."

Bellamy stepped away from the adults and Clarke and I followed after him. He pressed the talk button on his walkie. "Raven, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. We're all in one piece."

"That's good. There's something we need you to look into."

Raven scoffed. "First tell me how my friends are. Did everyone make it? Y/n? Clarke?" 

Clarke took the walkie from Bellamy. "We're here. Thanks to you. Raven, did Alie ever tell you why she created the City of Light?"

A pause. "Uh, no. Why?" 

Just as she was about to respond, someone yelled in Trigedasleng that the King, of Ice nation I assumed, was hurt. Clarke and I ran off to help him, leaving Bellamy to fill Raven in on the fact that the planet was going to be completely irradiated. 

I chased after Clarke, as well as I could with one working leg and the other mostly out of commission. I stopped short as two Grounders placed an unconscious and bloody Roan on the ground. Abby and my dad joined not long after. There wasn't much I could do on the healing front, but I would do everything I could to help. 

"He got shot trying to help me!" Clarke explained to her mother. "I thought he was dead."

I did too, for the record. 

Abby checked his neck for a pulse. "Not yet, but he's close. No exit wound. We need to get the bullet out quickly!" 

I glanced up just in time to see a Grounder girl - Ice Nation - that I recognized. She was in Mount Weather with me and Bellamy. Echo, I think was her name. At the glimmer of a sword, I realized she probably didn't have good intentions. Whether she was going to kill Clarke or not, I wasn't about to risk it. I stepped in front of her, catching the blade instead of her. 

"Get away from our King," Echo growled, roughly grabbing my shoulder and pulling me into her, resting the sword against my throat. I held my hands up, and stared eyes wide at Clarke. 

"Wait," Dad pleaded, holding up his hands in surrender. "You're making a mistake. We're part of the coalition."

"I could save him!" Abby added. "But you have to let me."

Echo's grip tightened, and I stifled a gasp of pain as a stinging sensation prickled across my skin. "We have our own healer." And then in Trigedasleng, she barked out, "Take the King to the embassy with the rest of our dead. Do it now!" 

Some followed her orders and grabbed Roan's lifeless body. And then a familiar face came bursting through the crowd. 

"Echo!" Bellamy growled. 

"Hey, Bellamy, don't," I said, hoping he wouldn't do anything rash. 

"Let her go, Echo!" Bellamy raged. My father had to hold him back, though it clearly pained him to do so. "Let her go!" 

Echo's grip tightened ever more and I winced. "Back off Bellamy." 

Reluctantly, he calmed, but there was still rage in his eyes. I tried to let him know everything was going to be fine, but I wasn't so sure of that myself. 

"Look," Clarke input, stepping towards us. "Your king is my friend. Let us help him."

"I saw you in the City of Light," Echo replied, slightly releasing her grip on me. I exhaled slowly. Keep talking Clarke. You've got almost a better way with words than I do. "I know you destroyed it. Thank you for that." 

To me, she whispered, "And I know you helped me just as much as Bellamy in Mount Weather. Thank you." 

And then she released me, shoving me forward into Bellamy's arms. He didn't let go of me, and I was thankful for that. Not just because the freshly treated wound in my side was throbbing, but I also just craved the comfort. 

"Look around you," Echo said to her people. "Skaikru did this to us! Because of them, Ontari, your rightful Commander, is dead! This impostor-" she nodded at Clarke, "-stole her Flame!" 

"No," Dad argued. "Wanheda saved us! All of us! Grounder and Skaikru!" 

Echo growled, "There would have been nothing to save us from if not for you." 

"Azgeda has no authority here," Dad said, his voice blunt and commanding, though I was sure no one in Ice Nation was going to buy it. 

"We do now. In the name of King Roan as rightful caretakers of the throne of the Commanders, Polis is now under Azgeda rule!" Echo announced. 

"Like hell it is!" One of the ambassadors countered, joining the crowd. "Where's your war chief girl?" 

She shrugged. "Our war chief is dead, ambassador. As a member of the Queen's guard, command of the army has fallen to me until the King awakens."

"If he awakens," The ambassador said. "Until a new Commander can ascend, Polis is to be ruled by ambassadors of the coalition. If Azgeda wants it, they must take it by force!"

She barely finished her sentence before Echo sliced her throat clean through. Blood spilled to the ground as the ambassador fell. I closed my eyes for a moment, and then composed myself. 

"Consider it taken," Echo spat. "No Skaikru leaves this city!  _Gon Azgeda_!" 

For Ice Nation! 

Well, that does not bode well. 

"Looks like saving the world will have to wait," I muttered. 

* * *

We gathered everyone of Skaikru in the temple, stationing guards outside in an effort to keep us safe until we could figure out a way to save ourselves. 

I turned to Bellamy, and put my hand on his face. He turned his worried gaze to me, and smiled softly. Even in the worst of times, we could still find it in ourselves to smile. I ran my fingers through his curls, and planted a kiss on his lips. When I pulled away, he initiated another. My heart fluttered, warmth tingled in my veins, and I yearned for more, so much more. 

When again, our lips parted, we didn't lean away from each other. Instead I pressed my forehead against his and blinked away a tear. I was just so happy to be back in a good place even if we were close to death, yet again. 

"We're going to be okay," he whispered. 

"I know," I murmured. "Hey, I love you. I never stopped, you know." 

"Me neither. We just had a rough patch, but we'll always bounce back."

I smiled. "Damn right." 

We pulled away again as Indra and Octavia entered the room. I squeezed Bellamy's hand as he looked at his sister with a distant pain in his eyes. I hoped someday their relationship would mend. And if not, I would always be there for him. I had to remain steadfast. I owed that to both of us. 

My father approached Indra, and she pulled him into a hug. Good to see some things weren't irreparable. 

Clarke turned to Bellamy. "Well?" 

He sighed. "You're not gonna like it." 

Indra explained, "When you destroyed the City of Light, there were a thousand Azgeda warriors inside the city of Polis." 

"Good timing," Octavia remarked. 

"Only way to remove them is by force." 

"Then let's remove them," Octavia suggested. 

A brilliant plan, were it not for the fact that we were way outnumbered and they were way more powerful right now. 

Abby held her hand up. "Slow down. You're talking about a war."

"Yes," Indra said. "Rockline, Flokru, and Broadleaf will join Trikru without question. But we'll still be short."

Abby shook her head. "This is madness. We should be leaving with the others while we still have the time."

Dad sighed. "They know where we live. If we run, they'll follow. There are eight other clans. How do we get them to join us?"

"I can do it," Indra offered. "But I'll need the Flame."

"No," Clarke refused immediately. 

I understood her qualms with it, that Lexa's spirit was still in there and she didn't want to part with her. I would feel the same if Bellamy was in there. But we had to overtake Azgeda, or we'd all die. "Clarke, the clans will follow whoever has the Flame." 

"Azgeda won't!" She argued. 

"Then we fight," Octavia input. "That's the point."

"No it's not," Clarke replied. "The point is there's no time for fighting. We have to save Roan." 

"Save him?" Octavia scoffed. "They won't let us near him."

"Wait a second," Abby interrupted. "What don't we know?" 

The world is ending. 

"The reason why Alie created the City of Light."

Everyone looked at each other, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Dad asked, eyes a little wild, "Why?"

She turned to me and Bellamy as if asking for permission. We nodded, and she explained. "Nuclear reactors inside power plants that survived the bombs are melting down. Radiation levels are already rising. If we can't figure out a way to fix it, all of us will be dead in six months."

Tense silence fell heavy over us. It was a rather big bomb to drop on everyone, but the more who knew, the sooner we could fix it. I hoped.

"Alie told you this?" Dad asked, clearly skeptical. 

Clarke nodded. "Yes."

"And you believe her?" Abby scoffed.

"Raven's looking into it," Bellamy offered. 

"I believe her," Clarke said. 

And I believed Clarke. 

"Even if it's true," Indra said, "That's six months away. There are a thousand Ice Nation warriors on the street who want to kill us today."

"They won't kill us," Clarke promised. 

Octavia snorted. "How could you possibly know that?"

Clarke pursed her lips and turned to her. "Because we're gonna surrender."

Not what I was expecting. I trusted her, but that option seemed...well, terrible. I would rather fight than surrender. I doubted Ice Nation was going to be merciful with us. Everyone else seemed to be thinking the same. But of course, Clarke always had a plan. 

And it was insane. Nothing new. 

* * *

We'd managed to get Clarke in beside Roan, along with Abby and Octavia so that they could find a way to save the king, and it was pretty ingenious sneaking Octavia in as Ontari's body so she could kill all the guards. That didn't make me any less worried about all three of them. At least everyone's worry about matched mine so I wasn't alone. 

Now, as night has fallen, I stood beside Bellamy, biting at my fingernails. Echo only wanted to talk to him, but I wasn't going to let him get close to her. She'd kill him without a second thought. 

"She's Azgeda. She can't be trusted," Indra growled, repeating my inner thoughts. 

Murphy approached from outside the tunnel. "Never a dull moment, huh?" 

"Bellamy," Indra snapped. "Pay attention. She's part of the royal guard. Spies. That's why she's not marked. Very dangerous. Very loyal."

"Not to the people who saved her life," Bellamy grunted. 

Dad input, "Bellamy, I know how you feel about her, but you can't lose control. You offer them guns, technology, whatever it takes to keep her talking. Is that clear?"

Indra's lip curled. "I didn't agree to give them guns."

"Well that's probably because you're not an idiot," Murphy muttered. 

Dad promised, "It won't get that far. Our objective is to buy time for Abby to save the King. And if you wanna help, grab a weapon, stand a post." 

"Take mine," Bellamy offered, handing Murphy his gun. "I got this."

As he turned to leave, I grabbed his hand and spun him around. Not caring that everyone was there, watching us, I drew his lips to mine and kissed him passionately for perhaps the very last time. I hoped that wasn't true, but the fear was still there. 

"Just be careful, okay?" I murmured. 

Bellamy kissed my forehead. "You too."

I took a deep breath as I watched him head to the center of the pavilion. My father put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but it hardly did anything to ease my worry. I was mostly sure Bellamy was walking to his death and I couldn't bear it.

I stood beside my father as I watched Bellamy approach Echo. As soon as he stepped towards them, every Azgeda warrior tensed, aimed their weapons at them. I balled my hands into fists, tried to keep calm. He'd be fine. He could handle himself. 

"Before you say anything," Echo began. "Remember I saved your life by taking you out of Mount Weather."

I didn't know what exactly she was talking about; I was in Polis when Mount Weather blew. But I knew that guilt had been a big factor in what drove him towards Pike. So definitely gonna resent Echo for that. Just another thing on a long list. 

"I wish it was that easy," Bellamy replied. 

"I know how it feels to lose someone you care about to war," Echo said. "But we do what we do for our people. You slaughter us, we slaughter you. That all went away in the City of Light. But it's back now. So here we are. What are the terms of your surrender?"

Bellamy sighed. "We recognize the Ice Nation rule, and you honor Lexa's coalition. Including the thirteenth clan."

Echo's features barley changed. She was like stone, and it didn't sit well with me. "No."

Well, that's not good. 

"We'll give you guns," Bellamy offered, trying to keep the conversation going. "And show you how to use them." 

Echo glanced over at us, waiting at the mouth of the room. "Trikru accepts this?" 

"They're not happy about it."

"Not much they can do now, though, is there? Without an army?" 

There was a pause, and Bellamy looked away from Echo. I cast my gaze to the ground for a moment, before turning back to the scene. Still a bit of a touchy subject. I know Bellamy was more or less manipulated into killing three hundred of Trikru, and he felt guilty about it, but it didn't change the fact that it happened. He would always carry it with him. 

"You were there," Echo noted, and Bellamy confirmed with a nod. "Then you know why everyone hates Skaikru. And why we can never accept your terms."

"The alternative is war. Is that what you want?" Bellamy countered, his voice growing more flustered. 

"No one wants war! Lay down your guns and we'll let your children live. I'll give you time to decide."

I scoffed. She had to know we weren't going to just give up. We'd fought too hard for every day we'd been down here. 

Echo turned to leave, but Bellamy grabbed her arm. All the Ice Nation warriors, stepped forwards with their spears, and my heart plummeted to my stomach. Immediately, my hand went for the dagger in my boot. Thank God I still had that. 

"Hold!" Echo shouted, and her guards backed off. 

"I wasn't done talking," Bellamy said. 

Echo whirled around, elbowing him in the face and kicking him in the groin. She pinned him to the ground and pressed a dagger to his throat. My eyes widened and panic spread through me. I knew this was a terrible idea. I knew he was going to get himself hurt. Or killed. 

"Guns on the ground, or he dies!" Echo ordered. 

Without hesitation, I slipped my dagger back into my boot. Hopefully she didn't know I had it. 

"We disarm, we're done," Indra warned. 

I didn't care. We'd find some way out of it. I wasn't going to risk Bellamy's life. 

"Put your weapons down!" I hissed. "Please, I can't lose him!" 

Dad nodded. "Abby'll come through. Do what she says. Guns on the ground, now."

Everyone obeyed, but I didn't relax. Echo wouldn't let him go. She only yanked Bellamy to his feet and handed him off to one of her guards. Without thinking, I raced forwards. My father called my name, yelled at me to stop, but nothing would stop me from trying to save Bellamy. Not my father, not Ice Nation, not the pulsing wound in my side. 

Unfortunately, it was completely futile. I fought to reach Bellamy, but there were too many guards between us to fight off. Echo grabbed hold of me and rolled her eyes. Another of her guards grabbed my arm and forced me towards the room where Clarke and Abby were operating on the King, Bellamy close in tow. I knew he would give me hell for this later, but I couldn't care less. 

With several guards following her, Echo burst into the room. Octavia and Clarke and Abby tried to fight them, but it was no use. Within seconds, they were all on their knees. 

"They were trying to kill the king!" Echo growled. 

"No, we were trying to save him!" Clarke protested. 

Echo approached her, rage in the eyes, screamed something in Trigedasleng and raised her sword. Terror cut through me as I realized I was about to watch Clarke die. 

Just then, Roan coughed awake. No words could describe the relief that washed over me as Echo lowered her sword. 

"Roan," Clarke pleaded. "Help us, tell them we're friends."

He coughed, pressing a hand to his bloody chest as he got to his feet. Abby protested, struggling against the guard holding her, "You shouldn't try to stand so soon!" 

"Where's Ontari?" Roan asked. 

"Dead, Sire," Echo said. "Killed by them."

Yes, but it was under very strenuous circumstances. So that's hardly fair. 

"We couldn't save her," Clarke corrected. "But we did what we came here to do. Now I need you to honor your promise to protect my people."

Roan snorted. "Yeah that was before your people shot me and killed my Commander."

"We just saved your damn life!" Octavia spat. 

Echo stepped past us to the king. "Roan, your people are hungry for you to lead them. Do so now, as your mother would have. Kill Wanheda. Take her power and rule over everything."

I exchanged a glance with Bellamy. This was perhaps our last day alive. Better now, than consumed by radiation in half a year, I guess. Still. Not comforting.

Thankfully, he didn't. At least not immediately. He might still be considering it, but in the meantime, we were all sitting in the dungeon. Manacles dug into my wrists, breaking the skin as I pulled on the chains, desperately trying to unhinge them from the wall. Unfortunately I lacked the superhuman strength. Sweat prickled on my forehead. I tried one more time, and then searing pain tore through my side. I gasped in pain and slumped against the wall. 

"Stop," Abby ordered. "You'll tear your stitches." 

I blinked away a tear of pain and obeyed. Bellamy drew me into him. He stroked my hair to calm me, even if I could tell he was just as agitated. We all were. I took a few deep breaths and traced my fingers along his arm. He rested his chin on top of my head and I smiled softly. My dad shot me a knowing look and I felt heat rise in my face. No matter how long we could be together, it's still embarrassing to show it in front of parents. 

A clanging from the cell doors made me jump away from Bellamy. My breaths quickened as the guards headed straight for Clarke. Maybe Roan would go through with killing her after all. Echo strolled in after the guards, and my blood boiled. Bellamy shifted slightly, positioning himself protectively in front of me. 

As the guards put a dirty cloth bag over Clarke's head, my panic swelled. "Hey! Stop!" 

"Wait, Echo!" Bellamy yelled. "Echo listen to me! Echo! Where are you taking her?" 

None of the guards responded, although one shoved him roughly against the wall. Against my better judgement, I sent a kick his way. It didn't connect as the guard headed for the door, which was probably for the best. I wasn't sure how much more wounds my body could take at the moment. 

* * *

Whatever happened between Clarke and Roan, I was grateful. I knew that Azgeda wasn't going to like it, but we were now under the King's protection. It was sort of comforting, I guessed. Better than war. 

I stood hand in hand with Bellamy outside of the Polis tower as Roan addressed his people, an ominous bone crown atop his head. 

"I know you all came here for an execution," Roan announced. "But no one else will die here today. The City of Light has fallen and there is no Commander left to rule us. Until another Nightblood ascends, I, King Roan of Azgeda, eldest son of Nia, grandson of Theo, am caretaker of the throne and keeper of the Flame."

Roan held up the Flame between his fingers. Ah. So that's what Clarke did. Must have been hard. 

From the crowd, someone yelled, "You're a king not a priest! This is blasphemy."

"Not blasphemy!" Roan shouted back. "Order! Until another ascends, Azgeda honors and will defend the coalition of the last true Commander Lexa Kom Trikru including the thirteenth clan." 

Murmurs raced through the crowd. Some people were not going to be happy with that. We were Skaikru. No one was ever going to be happy about us. 

"Let it be known," Roan continued, "that an attack against Skaikru is an attack against us all."

The meeting adjourned, and I walked with Bellamy and Clarke to meet with Echo. I bet she was the least pleased this was happening. If she had her way she'd probably run us all through and be done with it. 

"From your King," Echo said through gritted teeth. She handed us a stone seal wrapped in cloth. Very intricate, and almost pretty. It gave me shivers just looking at it, but maybe that was just because I hated Azgeda so much. "With this you'll be safe in any of our lands." 

Bellamy took it from her, although she resisted slightly. His features hardened. 

"You think we'll ever be able to trust each other again?" Echo asked. 

Bellamy glanced over at me and then back to her. "I doubt it."

Echo gave him a single nod and released her grip on the seal. "Welcome back to the coalition." 

And then she walked away. We turned back to the others who'd come to the meeting with us; my father, Indra, and Octavia, who were standing patiently a few feet away. 

"Time to go," Bellamy said. 

Dad nodded. "We'll do our best to keep the king on his throne."

"We'll find a way to beat the radiation," I replied. 

"If any of you screw this up, we die," Octavia input, as if that wasn't obvious. "No pressure."

I chuckled softly. 

"This is serious, O," Bellamy scorned. "If anyone finds out why Roan helped us, it'll be every clan for itself. The king will fall, and they'll come after us."

I patted his arm. "Thanks for that, Bel."

"It's getting dark," Clarke said. "Let's do this."

I pulled my father into a hug, hoping it wasn't the last I ever got to do so. "May we meet again."

"May we meet again," Dad replied, kissing the top of my head. 

We pulled away, and I gave him one last smile before interlocking my fingers with Bellamy's and strolling down the street with Clarke in tow.

"Okay Clarke," I muttered. "What now?"

With determination in her tone, Clarke answered, "Now, we survive."

We were going home to Arkadia. To save the planet. Hopefully, for good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all sorry the fourth installation took so long, but it's finally here! Hopefully you enjoy!!


	2. Heavy Lies the Crown

It felt good to be back in Arkadia, a normal Arkadia that wasn't tainted by Alie or people possessed by Alie. As soon as I saw my friends, I hugged them tighter than I ever had before. Part of me feared I would never see any of them again. But as we stood in the Chancellor's chambers, that fear felt like a dream. At least, until six months from now. 

Thunder rumbled outside, and rain pattered against the metal walls. I knew that soon that rain would turn acidic, would kill us. I longed to stand outside, relish in the beauty of the rain before it became destructive. But we had to find a way to save ourselves before I could indulge in things like that. 

"We've been at this for two days," Bellamy huffed. "There must be something we're not thinking of. What if we could reach the nearest nuclear reactor?"

Raven sighed. "I told you. The meltdown started months ago. There's no magic button to turn them off. Today, this isn't black rain. But it will be soon. That's why we have to focus on riding out the radiation. Finding someplace safe and big enough to hold all five hundred of us."

"This isn't about saving just us," Clarke argued. "I made a promise to Roan. It's about saving everyone."

"And that's why we need to tell everyone," Raven said. I agreed, even if it was going to incite chaos. If people knew they were working to save their lives, they'd work hard. We'd find a way to save everyone. At least, that was the hope. 

I nodded. "Crowd-source it. If there's another Mount Weather out there, the Grounders will know about it."

"And you think they're gonna tell us just like that?" Bellamy countered, crossing his arms. I knew we'd get opposition on this, but it was the only effective way. He'd get that eventually. "If we tell everyone they're gonna die, the coalition is over, Roan falls, and the Grounders will be at our gate."

Fair, but we had a timer on our problem here. If we didn't find another Mount Weather, we were all gonna die in six months anyway. Wasn't it better to try every option? 

"Then just tell our people," I offered, trying to keep my voice steady. Adding anger to the already tense situation would not do any good. "We need more minds on this problem."

Raven added, "On the Ark, people volunteered for the culling because they were told the truth and given a choice." Then she turned to Clarke. "A choice your dad died for."

Clarke scoffed. "You think I've forgotten that?"

"Okay," Bellamy stepped in, clearly trying to defuse a fight before it starts. "We'll tell everybody the truth as soon as we have a viable solution. Without one it'll start a panic."

"You don't know that!" Raven said. 

Monty finally joined the conversation after staring into a basin of water for a while. "That's it!" 

I startled, and turned in his direction. "What are you talking about?" 

"Think," Monty said, his eyes alight with an idea. "Alpha station survived for ninety-seven years in space through elevated radiation levels and extreme temperature fluctuations. Sound familiar? All we have to do is patch up the ship. We're standing in our viable solution."

A small, astounded smile tugged at my lips. Thank god for Monty. Where would we be without him? That was an incredibly ingenious idea. We already had our means of salvation. For our people, anyway. Not sure we could help all the Grounders. But that was a problem for another day. For now, I was going to bask in the fact that we finally had some hope for survival. 

* * *

The next day, the sun was shining. I smiled and let its warm rays wash over me. It had been a while since I'd had the chance to bask in the sun. We'd figured out a plan to save us; patch up the Ark, retrieve a hydro-generator from Farm station, and we'd have enough food and water to sustain ourselves while we rode out the radiation. Bellamy was relaying the plan to Miller and Bryan, giving me a chance to catch my breath. 

I knew Bellamy wouldn't let me go on the mission. Not with the risk of straining a little too much, tearing my stitches, and bleeding out. As much as it pained me to agree with everyone telling me to stay put, I could still barely walk without shooting pain. Adrenaline could only do so much. My talents were probably better put to use babysitting Jasper. Watch over him so Monty didn't worry as much. We all knew he was spiraling.

I glanced over at the showers where Jasper was singing loudly while he washed himself. It felt like he'd been in there forever. I'd be pissed about him wasting water if I wasn't so worried about him. And maybe a little happy he was enjoying himself. Even if it was a little...doomsdayish. 

In the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Bellamy walking out of the Ark. Half-hopping, half-running, I caught up to him. 

"Hey," I said, hooking my arm through his and spinning him around to face me. 

He smiled. "Hey, firecracker. We're gonna head out soon."

I hooked my fingers through the loops of his pants and drew him closer to me until we were touching. Smiling coyly, I brushed my lips against his. "Got time for a goodbye?" 

Bellamy ran his hands through my hair, and my scalp tingled at the touch. "Yeah, I got some time." 

"Great," I murmured, grabbing his hand and leading him to an empty bedroom.

As soon as the door closed behind me, our smiles grew wide. It had been too long since we'd had any time for ourselves and my body was already tingling with pleasure in anticipation. I wrapped my arms around Bellamy's neck and kissed him deeply. 

"Ready for the greatest sex of your life?" He teased. 

I laughed softly. "Oh and you think  _you're_ the one to give it to me?" 

"Damn right," he replied, kissing me, biting my lip. "Unless you think I should go get Monty."

I pulled his jacket off, chuckling. "No, that's alright. Monty's clearly in love with Harper. I guess you'll just have to do."

He shook his head in amusement. "Oh that's how it is, huh?" 

I slipped off my own jacket and then my tank-top to follow. "Shut up. I love you." 

"I love you too." Bellamy pulled off his shirt, and drew me in for another kiss. 

Warmth washed over me as he buried his face in my neck. I moaned, and barely noticed when he unhooked my bra. Kissing deeper and more fervently, we shifted to the bed. Pleasure tingled in my core, my veins, every fiber of my being. I was in absolute ecstasy with every move we made, every kiss planted. It was like I was on another plane of existence as our legs tangled together, as the bed rocked against the wall. I forgot all of my worries, all of my pain, everything. 

I gasped for breath when it was over. I curled into Bellamy, and kissed him on the tip of his nose. "That wasn't too bad." 

Bellamy rolled his eyes and scoffed playfully. "Please. I was amazing." 

My smile faded, from teasing to genuine. "Yes. You were and so was I." 

"Not a day has gone by I haven't thought you were amazing," Bellamy whispered, brushing away some of my hair from my sweaty forehead. 

I kissed him lightly on the lips. "You should get going. Don't want to keep you from saving us all. Just...promise me you'll be careful, okay?" 

Bellamy chuckled. "I always am." 

"I'm serious, Bel. I can't go, I can't be there to-to watch your back, protect you. I can't lose you. " 

He wrapped an arm around me, and stroked my hair. "You won't. I promise." 

I sighed, and pulled away. "Good. Now go. I'll see you later." 

We both pulled on our clothes and headed for the garage where everyone else was prepping the rover for the trip. I kissed Bellamy one more time before he went to help load some guns. Raven raised an eyebrow at my rather disheveled state. 

"What, Reyes?" 

She shrugged, a smirk playing on her lips. "You look a little tired." 

"I'm always tired," I replied, smiling. 

Raven nodded. "Bellamy's also looking-"

I punched her playfully. "Yes, thanks, I get it. Don't you have a ship to fix?" 

"That's what I said," Monty remarked, as he passed by us towards the rover. 

I smiled, and hugged him before he hopped into the back of the rover. I waved them goodbye, and remained in the garage until the rover was completely out of sight. A cloud of worry hung over me. I knew they could all take care of themselves, but complications happen. At least the sun helped relieve that worry a little. I think I deserved one day to enjoy myself, to not be weighed down with the weight of saving the world. Just one day. 

I offered to help Raven with anything she needed, but we both knew my expertise was not in mechanics. If anything, I was most useful when it was just the one hundred down here; I could hunt, I could fight. I could tell stories and ease the pain of reality. Maybe I could still do that. But, alas, my words couldn't patch up the ship as much as I wished they could. 

I watched Raven direct her workers to their stations. Once they dispersed, I stepped towards her, hoping to calm her because the agitation on her face was clear as day. 

"You okay?" I asked. 

Raven shook her head. "There is so much to do, and I get a total of five volunteers to help me fix the ship?" 

"It's a start," I offered, though I knew it wasn't much. 

"I can't run this repair alone, Y/n," Raven huffed. "Even if I had complete mobility. Even if Sinclair was still alive." 

Her voice hitched, and I put a hopefully comforting hand on her shoulder. I knew how much Sinclair meant to her. He was a good man. 

"Who the hell am I giving them orders?" Raven said. "I'm- I'm not chief." 

I shrugged. "I'm not the Chancellor. Neither is Clarke. But here we are. For what it's worth, there's nobody I trust to do this more than you. As soon as Bellamy gets back with the machine, we'll go public with everything. And you get the help you need."

Raven offered me a small smile. "You're sounding a lot like Clarke these days." 

I grinned. "Ah, I could never lead as well as her." 

"I wouldn't discredit you like that. You've always had a way with words. You just haven't used them recently. I think you could give Clarke a run for her money," Raven replied, her voice teasing and yet I detected genuineness behind it. 

I turned her words over in my mind. Maybe I could be more of a leader. I didn't know how much we needed another authority figure but, at the very least it might do me some good. "Thanks, Raven." 

"Am I interrupting?" Jaha called from behind Raven. 

She turned. "What do you want?" 

"I was an engineer before I was Chancellor," Jaha said. "I supervised the redesign of Sector five." 

"And how many people died from Sector five in the culling when you sucked the air out of their lungs?" Raven snapped. 

Jaha didn't even flinch. "Forty-two. Would you like to know their names?" 

Raven scoffed and turned away from him. I wasn't a big fan of Jaha myself, especially after the whole Alie debacle, but his skills could be of use. She would hate it more than me, but we needed all the help we could get. 

"Raven, wait," I said. "We could use the help." 

"You do know he made me cut my wrist to force Abby to take the chip, right?" Raven seethed. 

My eyes widened. I knew she'd slit her wrists, I just never knew the story. Horrible as it was, grudges could be picked up again after we had a safe measure from the radiation. "I mean, he was chipped too. Not that it excuses much, but-" 

Raven's anger swelled. I understood. I wasn't going to try to reign her in. I hated it when people did that to me. "He searched for the City of Light. He brought Alie here. He showed her how to overcome free will." 

Jaha nodded. "Yes, those are my sins. And I have to live with them." 

I sighed. "Raven." 

Raven rolled her eyes and shifted angrily, but gave in. "You want to help? Go sort the scrap." 

"Whatever you need." 

Raven stormed off, and I watched her go. She suffered so much and she deserved it least of all. 

* * *

Outside, life was much less stressful. Kids played soccer. The sun shined. Music blared. It managed to lift my spirits enough to smile for the sake of feeling rather peaceful instead of at someone's sarcastic joke. It felt nice. Someday, this might be our normal. I couldn't wait for that. 

"Heyy, Kane!" Jasper greeted me, carrying two sloshing cups and obviously just a little tipsy. "I see you're smiling." 

"So are you," I remarked, accepting the cup of moonshine he offered me. 

Jasper spread his arms, and turned his head to the sky. "Just enjoying the fact that we're all gonna die." 

I sipped my drink. "Right...well it's nice." 

The song switched to "I don't like Mondays," the one Jasper seems to always be singing. I loved the song myself, though I feel like I haven't heard it in ages. 

"Wanna dance?" Jasper asked. 

I shook my head, taking another sip. "No. Absolutely not." 

Jasper grabbed my free hand and started dancing like he had two left feet. It reminded me of the days when it was only the one hundred of us on the ground, when Jasper never failed to make me laugh or lighten my spirits. I guess a little fun was overdue. 

I downed the rest of my drink and let my smile grow. "Alright, you've convinced me." 

I set down my cup and gave him my other hand. Both of us danced around together, singing along to the song, loudly, and off key. At least on my part. Jasper wasn't too bad. For the first time in a while, I really let go. Maybe this is why I couldn't be a leader. I didn't  _want_ to be serious all the time, responsible for everyone all the time. I just wanted to enjoy life. Dance with my friends, sing like no one's listening. For a moment, everything had a rosy glow, my chest swelled with hope, and I felt good. 

"Hey," Clarke's voice popped that bubble, and my smile fell. I broke away from Jasper and turned to her. "Can we talk?" 

Jasper nodded. "Sure. I got about six months. No waiting. What's up?" 

"I'm trying to make sure that we have more than six months which is why these people need to get back to work," Clarke demanded. 

I understood her plight, but it was always work and no play. Maybe a short break every once in a while would do everyone some good. Clarke too. 

Jasper's face twisted in shock and offense. Her tone was rather accusatory. "I didn't force them to stop. I guess they think it's the end of the day. Not, you know, the end of days." 

Clarke scoffed. "Don't you want us to survive, Jasper?" 

"No," he replied. "I don't want us to survive. I want us to live." 

I sighed. For as much fun as I'd just had with him, I knew Jasper wasn't in the right state of mind. He didn't care if we didn't make it. And I knew there was nothing I could do to change his mind, it was  _his_ mind after all, but it still worried me. Would he join us if we found salvation? I didn't want to lose my friend. Living was always an option, but we had to survive first. And that enjoyment we just had, that could be our everyday. 

Clarke shook her head in disbelief, and looked to me for help. I just held my hands up. "If we don't repair that ship none of us will have that chance." 

"And what about free will?" Jasper asked, cool challenge in his level voice. "That's why you destroyed Alie, right? Why don't you tell them all the truth?" 

Now that, I agreed with. 

"Keep your voice down," Clarke hissed. 

"You should let them decide what they want to do with their last six months," Jasper whispered, clearly mocking her. "What are you so afraid of?" 

"We can't just go to them with no solutions. People will panic." 

That, I didn't agree with. They might panic, but that will turn into a need for survival. Basic human instinct. We'd find a way to get through it. 

Jasper clucked his tongue. "Ah. I see. Hm. That's spoken like the council that sent a hundred kids to die on the ground."

He took a sip of his moonshine, and started singing along with the song again. He pointed at me, and I joined in, smiling until he walked away. I turned to Clarke, apologetic. 

"He's kind of right, you know," I said, keeping my voice gentle, hoping to temper her frustration. I knew all of this was hard on her. "I still think we should tell people, but I'm not going to get in your way. You can't control Jasper. Just focus on giving him a chance." 

Clarke nodded slowly. "Thanks, Y/n." 

"I'll always have your back." I put a gentle hand on her arm, offered her a small smile, and then turned away. Until Bellamy and the others came back with the hydro-generator, I had nothing better to do than have a little fun. Besides, I promised Monty I'd keep an eye on Jasper. No one said I couldn't have fun while I did. That's all I really wanted, I was beginning to realize. 

Maybe it was better I wasn't a leader. Heavy lies the crown, and I'm not sure I could bear the weight. 

* * *

The next day, the rover finally returned. 

My first reaction was elation, upon seeing all my friends safe and sound, although Miller and Bryan seemed to be in a bad place. I offered Bryan a smile as he stormed past me, but he didn't return it. He barely looked at me. Thankfully, Miller was kinder about it. He hugged me when I greeted him. Out of everyone here, I loved his hugs the most - besides Bellamy, of course. 

"Glad to see you're alive," I said, pulling away. 

Miller nodded. "Yeah." 

I glanced in the back of the rover. "What...who are these people?"

One man jumped out the back, and though he was rather disheveled, I recognized him, if just barely. "Is that Riley?" 

"Yep. We made a decision," Miller affirmed, though he didn't seem so sure about it. 

I patted him on the shoulder as a "see you later" and went to join Bellamy. I pulled him into a hug, burying my face into the crook of his neck. "I was getting worried there for a minute." 

Bellamy chuckled. "I'll always come back to you." 

I groaned playfully. "Oh that was cheesy as  _fuck_. I love you." 

Raven came out to the rover to greet us, along with Clarke. "Where is it?" 

I peered into the back of the rover to find it empty. They'd brought back people. Not the generator. Dread washed over me. 

"We didn't get the machine," Bellamy informed. 

"It didn't survive the landing?" Clarke asked. 

Bellamy sighed. "No, it did. But I had a choice. Bring the machine home, or use it to save them." 

I glanced over at the refugees, mostly kids, dirty and terrified. A hard decision. I'm not sure what I would have done, but I respected the heart Bellamy had. Even if it meant we might all die in six months now. 

Raven groaned. "Oh we are so screwed." 

"We have time," Bellamy argued. "But I am not sacrificing anymore innocent lives."

"You just did," Clarke murmured. 

I narrowed my eyes at her. No need to make him feel worse about it. He knew what he did. We were all under a lot of pressure, so I wasn't blaming her too much, but still. Protecting Bellamy was just instinctive now. 

Bellamy nodded. "I made the call, and I'll live with that." 

"Yeah, you're not the only one who has to live with your call," Raven grunted. "As usual."

Bellamy challenged, "Well, go tell them. Go tell Riley I should've left them to die." 

I put a hand on his arm, hoping to calm him. I stood behind him. I always would. Everyone here. I'd always do my best to support everyone, even if they were all at odds, like now. 

"Okay," Clarke said, "how many of us will the ship sustain without a hydro-generator." 

Raven shrugged. "No more than a hundred."

"What am I supposed to tell the people now?" Clarke asked, defeated. 

"The truth," I said. "Crowd-source it like we talked about." 

Raven nodded in agreement. 

Clarke agreed, and told her, "Call for a general meeting." 

Raven gave her a single nod and went to follow orders. 

"What are you gonna do?" I asked Clarke. 

Her face fell, and I could almost feel the hopelessness radiating from her. That's never comforting coming from your leader. "Hope that there's a forgiving god." 

* * *

"So now you know the truth," Clarke announced, from atop her pedestal. She'd gone public with the fact that radiation was coming for us. I stood at the edge of the crowd, hand in hand with Bellamy ,listening intently. "I know you're afraid, I know you're angry. But when I shut down Alie, I knew there was a way for us to get through this together." 

She looked over at us for a little support, and I gave her an appreciative nod, though I wasn't sure if she caught it. 

"Alpha station is that way," she continued. "Every single one of us will survive on this ship." 

I exchanged a confused glance with Bellamy. I understood why she was lying, but I knew it wasn't going to end well. 

"It will not be easy," Clarke admitted. "Raven needs volunteers if we're gonna get it ready in time. It'll be a lot of work, but now you understand why we need to do it. If we stick together, I give you my word, we won't just survive. We'll thrive."

The crowd murmured in agreement. No panic, no outrage. Although, I was sure that would come when they found out only one hundred of them could survive. 

"Nice speech," Raven scorned when Clarke came to us. 

Clarke sighed. "Sometimes hope is more important than truth."

"Your dad would be so proud."

I grimaced. Spiteful. 

"You wanted workers, you got them," Clarke said through gritted teeth. 

Raven pursed her lips and turned away, to direct her volunteers to work. 

"We save who we can save today," I said, hoping to reassure Clarke. She smiled, and that was enough for me. 

I looked into Bellamy's eyes, and kissed him on the cheek. As long as he made it, that was enough for me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to give y'all that moment way earlier in the series but it just didn't work out that way, so there ya go. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More to come!


	3. The Four Horsemen

"Two meals a day for people working as hard as ours, we won't make any friends," Bellamy snorted, as we started unloading a cart of dried food onto shelves to store them properly. I agreed. Everyone was busting their asses to get the ship fixed, and they deserved to eat a little more, in my opinion. Especially since the majority of them won't make it onto the ship. 

Clarke shrugged. "Well, if there's one thing our people understand, it's rationing. Besides, once we close those doors, it'll be one meal a day for the next five years."

Raven stopped her work to look down at us from the ladder. "Try one meal every other day. Hunting parties are coming back with less and less. Thanks to your friend Niylah, we're preserving more meat than ever, but it's still not enough. Without a way to make water, growing our own protein like we did on the Ark is not an option." She glared at Bellamy. "Remember that when we're starving."

"I won't be starving, because I won't be inside," Bellamy grunted. 

I scoffed, and Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Like hell you won't. You're going to be in the ship. Isn't he, Clarke?" 

Clarke nodded. "Yes. He will." 

"Does that mean you made the list?" Raven inquired. 

She pursed her lips. "No. What about drinking water?"

"Clarke, don't change the subject! We need to know who's going to be on the inside of these doors when the radiation comes."

Clarke shook her head. "We don't need to know now."

Before the argument could get worse, the PA crackled, and someone announced, "We need some medical help at the front gate. Looks like we got some sick people there."

All four of us rushed to the gate to see what was going on. A line of guards kept the crowd at bay, guns pointed at whoever was outside of the gate, but we pushed past them. My stomach turned over when I saw them. They were Grounders, coughing, sickly yellow, covered in burns. What the hell happened? 

"What if it's a Grounder attack like they did with Murphy?" Miller whispered. 

I shook my head. "I doubt it, Nate. This is so...different." 

Though, I did remember that sickness and it sucked. I thought I was going to die, I thought Bellamy was going to die, and all I tasted was blood for a day. So, yeah, not my favorite memory, but I didn't think this was the same thing. 

I stepped closer to Clarke, who'd been conversing with Nyko and Luna. "What happened?" 

She shook her head in disbelief, which wasn't much of an answer. I wished I could help, but if Clarke didn't even know what was going on, I was more or less helpless. 

"Please," Luna coughed. "Don't turn us away because of what I did to you."

"Out of my way!" Abby called, pushing through the guard line. "Please, let me through."

She crouched down beside the sickly Grounders, her face a mixture of concern and horror. Clarke knelt down beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

"Mom, what is this?"

She sighed. "Fever, lesions, vomiting. It's ARS."

"What's ARS?" I implored, fearing I wouldn't like the answer. 

Abby glanced over at me. "Acute radiation sickness."

A lump formed in my throat, and shivers crawled up and down my spine. Not good.

"When did the symptoms start?" Abby asked Luna. 

She shook her head. "Not sure. Right before the fish started dying."

"The fish are dying?" Raven implored, shock lining her tone. 

Nyko affirmed, "Floating on the sea to the horizon in every direction." 

We all exchanged glances. If the fish were dying, did that mean the radiation was moving faster? Maybe we didn't have a whole six months. 

Abby cleared her throat. "It's not contagious. Let's get them to medbay."

Raven and Abby helped the sick Grounders into Arkadia, but I was rooted to the ground. I didn't realize how scared I was of the radiation, of the prospect that most everyone is going to perish. But, it was here. And I was terrified. 

I turned to Bellamy, eyes wide. "It's already here." 

He nodded slowly, but didn't say anything. Maybe he was just as scared as I was. We all were. I smiled, though it was halfhearted. For a while we sat just on the inside of the gate in silence, knowing there weren't a lot of words to comfort each other. After a while, Bellamy put his arm around my shoulders, and we wandered through Arkadia, found Raven who wanted to see us, and then we walked to medbay to get Clarke. 

"They're getting worse," Clarke said when we entered, though she wasn't necessarily talking to us. "There's gotta be something we can do."

"Delactivene might help," Jackson explained. "But Raven's got the meds on lock-down."

"Leave Raven to me," Abby said. 

"What exactly, do the tests show?" Clarke asked. 

Jackson sighed, and glanced at the wheezing patients. I turned away as Luna vomited a concerning amount of blood. "The exposure is acute. Without treatment, there's little to no chance of recovery. It looks like the radiation is internal, ingested from irradiated fish. None of the outbreaks appear to be from airborne exposure."

"That's good news," Clarke breathed, and that did offer me some relief as well. So the radiation wasn't approaching super quickly. At least, not through the air. 

Abby pursed her lips. "Not for them."

"You think I deserve this for refusing the Flame?" Luna grunted, taking a breather from retching. 

Immediately, I replied, "No one deserves to suffer."

Bellamy nodded in agreement. "Besides, this would've happened anyway."

Luna frowned, an empty anger in her eyes as she stared at the sick people. "This is all that's left of my people. Can you save them?" 

My gaze rolled over her people, sick and few. It was horrible. I couldn't imagine losing everyone here to radiation. But...wasn't that about to happen? The room began to spin a little, but I caught myself before I made a scene of passing out. They'd think I was dying, when really I was just panicking. 

"We'll do everything we can," Clarke reassured her. "You have my word."

We turned away from her, and Clarke pulled us aside. "Tell me something good."

Bellamy sighed. "Raven's looking for us." 

Clarke nodded, and the three of us headed to the command center where Raven was hard at work on the mainframe, searching for information. I raised an eyebrow, bracing myself for whatever dire information she was about to deliver. 

Raven pointed at a map on one of her screens. "So, Luna's rig is here, and if the fish in these waters are dying, well basically we're screwed."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I don't understand. Alie said we had six months."

"We don't." 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. "Well, how long do we have then?"

Raven sighed. "It's hard to say. Radiation is dispersed by jet stream and carried by ocean currents, so it's not an exact science, but the leading indicators are small species die off. Fish, insects. Based on the new data, I'd say we have...two months of survivability. Maybe less."

"The Ark won't be ready," Bellamy grunted. 

Raven bit her lip, and shrugged. "It'll be close. If we triple the man hours and work around the clock, we should be able to achieve a hard seal before the black rain comes. We just have to decide who gets to live here."

Clarke scoffed. "Raven, we're not talking about the list again."

Raven rose to her feet. "Clarke, we are running out of time! We have to make a plan for the day we close the doors, drill for it, make sure only the survivors have guns. Agree on protocols for dealing with the people who are pissed off they're not chosen!" 

Clarke didn't respond, only stared her down. I looked around the room, waiting for the tension to be cut. 

"You asked me to be in charge of rationing," Raven continued, "and I am doing it. But choosing who gets to live or die is your specialty."

I pursed my lips. That was the sensitive subject around here. Before anyone could retaliate and further the argument, the rover engine revved. 

Raven tilted her head in confusion. "No one's scheduled to take the rover." 

We exchanged glances before heading outside of the ship to find Jaha sitting in the rover. I huffed, and knocked on the window. 

"Hey," I ordered, opening the driver's seat door. "Get out of the vehicle."

Jaha looked wistfully past me, and I rolled my eyes. "I need to make a run."

"All supply runs go through me!" Raven fumed. "And shouldn't you be working on the patch to sector five?" 

The engine cut out and Jaha stepped out of the rover. "A patch for a ship that can only save a hundred people?" 

We exchanged panicked glances. How did he know? 

Jaha chuckled wryly. "Why are you so surprised? I am an engineer. We have no way to generate water. The harder number is four hundred. Can you really sentence four hundred more of our own people to death?" 

"We don't have a choice!" Clarke snapped. 

Some of the workers behind us glanced at us, confused. I cleared my throat, and we all dialed it back a notch. Bringing attention to it all right this second would not do us any good, as much as I hated to admit that. Lying was the better option right now. 

"What if you do?" Jaha mused. "What if I told you there might be a fallout shelter less than a day's drive from here, a fallout shelter built to sustain thousands?" 

I shook my head. "We've been through the Chancellor's files. All the bunkers you considered for the hundred were listed as compromised or unviable, and now Mount Weather is too."

"Those were government bunkers," Jaha explained.

He opened the door and grabbed a tablet from inside, which he handed to me. I stared at the article on the screen, and it was not very convincing; a cult leader who created his own shelter? Really shady. Doubtful that it would help us. 

"A doomsday cult?" Bellamy scoffed, agreeing with my inner thoughts. It was insane. 

Jaha nodded. "That's right. The second dawn." 

"They built a bunker?" I asked, still skeptical. 

"Their whole theology was based on riding out the end of the world," Jaha affirmed. 

Bellamy challenged, "And why didn't you consider it?"

Jaha shrugged. "We couldn't prove it existed."

"So why are we considering it now?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. 

"Because," Jaha argued, "before now, we didn't need it."

"You found it, didn't you?" Clarke implored. 

Jaha pursed his lips. "We can't be sure unless we check it out."

Bellamy, Clarke, and I turned to look at Raven, who shook her head. "No. No way. We need that rover for hauling pieces of a three ton patch we're build-"

"Yeah, but if he's right, we don't  _need_ a patch!" Clarke interrupted, raising her voice again. 

Raven clenched her jaw, and glanced at Jaha. "Can I talk to you guys for a second?" 

We stepped closer to her, closing a circle away from Jaha. I linked my arm through Bellamy's, hoping he would bring me some comfort and relief from this tension, these high stakes. It worked, but only a little. The fact that radiation was coming in two months and we couldn't all survive was crushingly stressful. 

"Can you please remind Clarke what happened the last time Jaha went looking for salvation?" Raven seethed, looking at me. For the record, I was very on the fence here. I trusted Raven a thousand-fold more than I did Jaha, but if there was even the slightest chance he was right, wasn't it at least worth checking out? 

"Raven," Bellamy argued. "If that bunker is real, we can save a lot more than a hundred people." 

"If it's not, we've lost another day." 

Clarke sighed. "Hey, look. If it's not, I'll make the list. Okay?"

Raven looked to me for help one more time, but I just shrugged apologetically. She rolled her eyes. "Oh, do whatever you want. I've got a ship to seal."

She stormed off, which left me on board with the decision to check out the bunker, I guess. Bellamy hopped into the driver's seat, and I took the passenger beside him, leaving Clarke in the back with Jaha. As we raced out of Arkadia, I found myself hoping beyond hope that this bunker was real, that this wasn't for nothing. 

To pass the time, I watched some videos of this man, Bill Cadogan, who was the founder of this cult. He was on a stage, speaking to what seemed to be thousands of people in a theater. Even as I listened to his...strange speech, I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to live back then, before the end, before we went up to space. They had it so good and they never even knew. 

"The end is coming," Cadogan said on the screen. "Hear me as I say it this time. The end is coming, and it's coming soon."

"He gave this speech two weeks before the bombs," Jaha explained. 

Maybe the insane were never as crazy as everyone made them out to be, then. I turned my attention back to Cadogan. "The world is dark, and getting darker all the time. Everything we once trusted has turned on us - government, religion, even technology has become a weapon in their hands, used to poison our minds. I know you're in pain, I know you're afraid, but it doesn't have to be like this. There is a way out of the darkness. I can show it to you. You can be saved. Join me. Join  _us_ , and together when the horsemen come, from the ashes we will rise."

Shivers crawled down my spine as he finished his speech, though I couldn't tell if it was positive or negative. All I knew was the world certainly crumbled. Hopefully this guy's insanity created some sort of salvation for the remnants of humanity. 

I sighed, and handed the tablet back to Jaha. "Please tell me you have more than this."

Jaha chuckled. "In the two years before the bombs, Cadogan sold off of the Second Dawn's real estate holdings, generating tens of millions of dollars, but there was one thing he didn't sell. I found this in his autobiography." 

He handed me the tablet again, and I shifted a little so Clarke could see over my shoulder. I looked at the picture displayed on the screen; a quaint stone and wood home, that made my heart ache for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that the world was ending  _again_ , but I desperately just wanted something like that, a home, stability. I glanced over at Bellamy. With him. 

"It's his childhood home," Jaha explained. "His father built a bunker there to save his family. I think Cadogan used the church's money to expand it."

"He grew up there. Maybe he kept it for sentimental value," Bellamy suggested. 

Jaha remarked, "Hm. His father beat him almost daily in that house. He hated living there."

"Why keep it if you're liquidating everything else?" Clarke implored. 

"Because the bunker is there," Jaha replied. "I can feel it."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh you can feel it, can you?"

"Guy sounds like a religious fanatic to me," Bellamy grunted, interrupting Jaha from starting an argument with me, that my wit was  _well_ sharpened for, but I didn't have the energy, so I was thankful. 

"Maybe," Jaha conceded. "Or maybe he was just a leader willing to do whatever it took to save his people."

I exchanged a wary glance with Bellamy. I hoped Jaha was right about this. 

* * *

By the time we finally reached our destination, night had fallen. Our swinging flashlights cut through the darkness like knives, and the silence was haunting. Raven did say the insects were dying. I never realized how unsettling it would be to not hear them. 

We followed after Jaha, who seemed to know where he was going. "Cadogan learned how to survive from his father. They hunted in these woods." 

We stopped at what seemed to be a random clearing in the middle of the woods. Not even a clearing, really. Kind of overgrown. 

"This is it," Jaha announced. 

I sighed, trying to keep my hopes up, even though this seemed to be yielding nothing. "Well, if anyone's entitled to a lucky break, we are." 

Bellamy squeezed my hand in a show of comfort and support. 

"You hear that?" Jaha said. "No insects."

As I noticed earlier. I exchanged concerned glances with Clarke and Bellamy. 

"What?" Jaha asked. 

I bit my lip. "Luna said the fish were dying." 

"What are the things that eat the fish and bugs gonna eat now?" Bellamy added, which was not at all comforting. 

"I said we deserved a lucky break," I muttered. "Try not to jinx it Bel."

We stepped forwards into the darkness, around the rundown foundations of what once was the house, overgrown with vines and bushes. 

"So what are you looking for?" Clarke asked. 

Bellamy explained, "The bunker would have been at the lowest point. Anything structural. Be careful."

I nodded, and flashed my light around, searching for that. I wandered off alone, thinking it would be better to cover more ground that way, though I knew it could be more dangerous. Finding nothing, I fell back within earshot of Bellamy and Jaha, though I wasn't sure if they knew I was there. 

"She's lucky to have you," Jaha was saying. "Leadership is a lonely pursuit, especially if you're the child of a hated man on the Ark. Especially if she's always feeling like she's competing with Clarke. But you...you keep her centered." 

Well that wasn't true. I didn't feel like I was competing with Clarke. But, then again, I had just as many good ideas as she did. Sure, she was the advocate between the Grounders, but so was my dad, so was Octavia, so was I. I'd learned so much since I'd first landed. Maybe Jaha was right, and I just never noticed. I exhaled slowly, shaking myself from my thoughts. Not the time to worry about it. 

Bellamy replied, "You got it backwards." 

"Still blaming yourself for killing that army?" Jaha remarked. My heart fell a little. I knew it would take a lot of time for that wound to heal, but it hurt me to see him have so little faith in himself, so little love. "You made mistakes, it's true. But your intentions were pure. Every choice you made, you made to save your people. Even shooting me. Twice. As long as that's the truth, you don't need redemption."

"You better hope so," Bellamy grunted. 

"What's that?" 

Bellamy replied, his voice gruff and laced with anger, "Well, if you're wrong, and there is a hell, then I guess I'll see you there."

"How many people do you have to save before you forgive yourself?" 

I hated to agree with Jaha, but yeah, I wanted to know that too. 

"Over here!" Clarke shouted, interrupting their conversation. 

I barreled out of the woods from a different direction so it didn't look like I was eavesdropping. Clarke's light shone on the entrance to a stairwell that descended into darkness. Curious. Ominous. Did not give me a good feeling. 

"Huh," Bellamy grunted. "Stay behind me."

I nodded, and followed after him as he stepped down into the depths of the earth. I ducked below some cobwebs and shivered. At the end of the stairwell there was a tall stone door, with a skeleton sitting in front of it. Also covered in cobwebs. Like I said; not a good feeling. 

Bellamy examined the skeleton, and pried a large gold coin from its bony fingers. It had a strange pyramid symbol on it, with the words "from the ashes we will rise" beneath it. 

"From the ashes we will rise," Bellamy read. "Not this guy."

Bellamy handed the coin to Jaha who turned it to the other side, which only had a roman numeral carved into it. "The eleventh seal. Their faith was based on twelve seals. Followers could level up by unlocking them one at a time. Only those who reached level twelve could achieve salvation."

"Huh," I clucked my tongue. "Maybe that's why they didn't let him in." 

"I was right!" Jaha exclaimed, caressing the stone door, searching for a way to open it. 

Clarke wondered, "What if they're still in here?"

Bellamy pounded on the door. "Hey! Is anyone there?"

No response. Not a good sign.

Jaha ran his fingers along the edge of the door, where it was sealed into the cavern. "It's still sealed."

"There's no locks, no handles," I noted. 

Jaha replied, "That's because it was designed to be opened from the inside."

"Or from the outside by somebody with a rover," Bellamy suggested. 

I smiled. "Genius. Do it."

We hooked up the cinch to a nook in the door, and then the three of us stood outside while Bellamy revved the rover engine. It took a few minutes, and a heavy strain on the engine so much so that I feared it might die, but finally we heard a crash from the bottom of the stairwell. Hope overflowed me. Maybe we had a chance. 

As we stepped to the bottom of that stairwell, through the stone debris, that hope was crushed immediately. Bellamy lit a flare, and in the light of the dim red flame, I saw the entire floor littered with skeletons.

"This can't be," Jaha cried. 

"It wasn't sealed," I breathed, my stomach lurching. This had been a waste after all. There was no salvation here. "The radiation would've killed them in days. This...this won't save anyone."

I fought back a few tears and remained silent the entire way back to Arkadia. Bellamy kept a steady hand on my leg the whole ride, but for as much as it kept me grounded, it didn't soothe my fear. We were all going to die. Or most of us were, anyway. Only one hundred people would survive when the radiation came. That was it. 

Exhaustion overcame me. I followed Clarke and Bellamy into Alpha station. I gave Bellamy a kiss goodnight, and then collapsed onto the curled into him, leaving Clarke alone in silence to write up the list. 

I was so tired, I didn't even notice Bellamy wake up. All I wanted was sleep. Deep, healing sleep that would bring me peace of mind. A kind of sleep I wouldn't get until the radiation passed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little while to get out, but your homie is running a very high fever so that's why. This year has been terrible health wise. I might be dying. JK, but I feel like it. Anyways, hope y'all are enjoying this!! More to come!


	4. A Lie Guarded

I snickered as I stood on the hill, watching Jaha floating on a mattress in the middle of the lake below Arkadia. Finally, he moved his hand, dropped it into the water, and gasped awake. 

"Ha! He's awake!" Jasper called. 

Everyone came out to join us, and laugh at the prank. 

"Hey, Jaha!" Jasper taunted. "Looks like you got floated!" 

Everyone laughed. I pumped my fists in the hair, and everyone else joined in, hooting and cheering. 

"Keeping yourself busy, Mr. Jordan," Jaha replied, a smile on his face. At least he was taking it well. 

Jasper chuckled. "Oh I'm living it up, every last day!"

"Do I want to know how you manged this without waking me up?" Jaha implored. 

Jasper snorted. "Oh probably not, but the effects are harmless, I promise. Kind of!" 

So, drugs. I hadn't watched him do it, but man I wished I had been part of the prank. At the very least, I got to see the outcome, so at least there was that. And I couldn't stop smiling. Strange, how some simple prank could make me feel so elated. 

"Alright, we've had our fun," Clarke said, smiling herself. "Let's get back to work."

Monty and I went after her.

"What's with the we're all gonna die face?" Monty asked. Clarke shot him a look. "I mean-"

"I know what you mean," Clarke replied, her face taut with stress. The same stress that was nagging at the back of my mind as well. I was sure we were worried about the same thing; Bellamy. He'd set off a while ago to hunt, much to my opposition but there was nothing to be done about it. By now, he should be back. Clarke's words echo my thoughts. "Bellamy should be back by now."

Monty shrugged, falling in pace beside Clarke as she started walking. I limped to catch up, cursing my wound. Soon, I would be fully functional, but Christ, I get why Raven is angry all the damn time. "Hunting parties go radio-silent. It's nothing new. What else?"

Clarke offered him a tight lipped smile and sighed. "I just feel useless. I'm stuck here in case anyone needs a cut bandaged, supervising the backup plan when I should be going to the island to make nightblood."

I rolled my eyes. Her mom, Raven, Miller, and others had headed over to the island from which Jaha brought back Alie, to work on a possible cure for the radiation. Obviously Clarke was bitter about it. "Clarke, you're not a geneticist."

Monty finger gunned at me in agreement, and I cracked a smile. 

"Neither is my mom," she huffed. 

"Yeah well, they have Raven," Monty offered. "Genetic code, computer code. They'll figure it out."

Clarke stopped, and we followed suit. "Guys, I'm serious." 

"So are we," I replied. "If Jaha's right, and Becca created nightblood there, they'll find her records. And all they have to do is reverse-engineer it from Luna."

"Everyone lives," Monty added, smiling. I couldn't help feeling a little proud of myself. The more I hung around smart people like him and Raven, the more I seemed to learn. I was never going to be an engineer, but soon I might be able to be a part of their conversations and not feel like a dumbass. 

Clarke pursed her lips. "If they can get it done before the radiation gets here."

I nodded, my smile faltering a little. Always so serious. "I guess we better finish the ship."

On cue, Riley - the kid from Farm Station they'd rescued - approached us. "Riley! How's it coming?"

With a gruff voice, he responded, "We're on schedule here. We should have the radiation patch up by dark."

"See," I said, turning to Clarke. "One less thing to worry about."

Clarke nodded, and some of the tension in her face released. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and for the first time I noticed the heaviness of the air. I tried not to think about the coming rain, about how much it scares me. I didn't know when the black rain would come but it was soon, so every crash of thunder unnerved me. I turned over my shoulder to see the clouds hanging thick around the surrounding mountains, much closer than I thought. A gust of wind, and I felt it. A drop of rain. Everyone else was feeling it too, and the panic spread like wildfire. 

"Alright, everyone inside!" Clarke yelled. "Just like we practiced! GO!" 

"Sound the alarm!" I called. "Not a drill!" 

At my command, an alarm blared across Arkadia. Everyone ran for the ship. Monty and I were among the last to enter, and I strained to pull the thick metal hatch shut, but that's when I noticed Jasper was still outside. My heart plummeted. 

"Jasper!" I called, pausing to keep the door open for him. "Come on!" 

The clouds rolled over the camp, bringing with it the promise of more rain. I could smell it; it was going to come within the next minute. God I hoped Bellamy was okay, wherever the hell his hunting party was. 

"Jasper, what are you doing?" Monty cried. 

Jasper barely acknowledged us screaming at him. Instead, he just sauntered around, staring up at the sky. "Can't live your life in fear."

"Run!" Clarke yelled. 

As the rain fell, Jasper closed his eyes and turned his head to the sky, opening his mouth to catch the drops. Monty immediately took off towards him, but Harper and I raced after, grabbing him around the waist, dragging him back towards the ship. Jasper wanted to die, and while that crushed me, there wasn't anything we could do to help. Monty, however, I was going to save no matter what. 

"Let me go!" Monty cried, struggling against me. I didn't respond, only dragged him back inside with everyone else. 

We watched in horror as Jasper started gagging, choking, convulsing. I covered my mouth to stifle a mortified sob. I was about to watch my friend die. 

"Clarke, what do we do?" Harper asked, panic in her voice. 

Jasper was on his knees now, clutching at his throat. With a strained voice he said, "The sky is...falling." He broke into laughter. "The sky is falling! Wooo!" 

I exhaled a sigh of relief, and brushed away a tear. It wasn't black rain, not yet. Just normal rain. 

"What is wrong with you?" Clarke yelled. 

"It's just rain!" Jasper called back. "Not radioactive ash!" 

"Dude," Monty ground out. "Not cool."

Everyone else left the entrance of the ship, and headed deeper inside. I remained where I stood, staring blankly at him. In the past year, he'd changed so much. I loved him when I first met him - still did, but he was so broken. And he didn't want help getting fixed. It was heartbreaking. 

"Come on, it's a joke!" Jasper laughed. "Don't be like that, guys! When did everyone around here lose their sense of humor?" 

I still stared at him, unable to make my limbs respond. 

"Except you, Kane!" Jasper smiled. It almost seemed genuine. Like yesterday, when we danced. Even if he didn't care about himself, he still cared that I enjoyed myself, at the very least. "Except you!" 

I sighed, and turned away. Hopefully, he would find peace, someday. 

* * *

"I can't believe you talked me into this," Monty grumbled, unlocking the Chancellor's quarters. Jasper and I fist-bumped behind him. Even if he was damaged, so were all the rest of us. We could all still have fun. Until black rain came for real, until the radiation was upon us, Jasper was gonna be around. And I was gonna take advantage of spending time with him. Make a few last good memories. 

Jasper snorted. "Come on. You saw Clarke. She needs to chill out. We're doing her a favor."

Monty shut the door behind us. "Fire suppression foam is almost gone, but there should be enough left in the pipes for one shot." 

While Monty headed for the pipe popping down from the ceiling, Jasper plopped down in the chair and propped his feet up on the desk. I just wandered the room, smiling. I knew it would probably piss Clarke off, but I didn't care. Bellamy still hadn't returned, and the euphoric adrenaline that came with a good prank would be a good distraction from my worry. 

"It's gonna be epic," Jasper said. 

I flashed him a smile. "Obviously. It was  _my_ idea."

"Our idea," he corrected. 

"Who cares," Monty interrupted, rolling his eyes. "I need something to pry the keypad open."

I looked around for something to help him, when Jasper muttered an amused "uh-oh," catching my attention. He pulled a pen from a drawer of the desk, and tossed it to Monty, who fumbled but caught it. His smile grew, and I resumed my position leaning on the edge of the table. 

"I already wrote the program," Monty explained, sticking the pen behind the keypad beside the door. "It should only take a second."

The keypad came off the wall, and he started tinkering with the wires. I watched intently. 

"Heh," Jasper grunted. "Remember the time we welded your dad's furniture to the ceiling?" 

"That was a prank," Monty replied, not even looking back. 

I snorted. "You guys are ridiculous."

I glanced over my shoulder, to find Jasper unfolding a large piece of paper. My stomach dropped. It was the list Clarke made. No one was supposed to know about that. I thought about telling him to put it away, but I doubted he would listen. Besides, he'd already seen what it was. 

"Uh, why does Clarke have a list of one hundred names?" 

Monty put down the panel and turned to the table. I bit my lip and stared at the floor. Should I tell them? It seemed fair. 

"Let's go," Monty said, trying to grab the paper from Jasper. "She's gonna be back any second."

"What is this?" Jasper inquired, standing up from the chair, avoiding Monty's reach. 

I stepped in front of him, apologetic but stern. "Just put it away!"

"Guys, talk to me!" Jasper argued, nimbly avoiding our reaches. "What's going on? I know you know something."

I exchanged a glance with Monty, and we seemed to come to the same conclusion. If we didn't tell, he'd keep pushing until we did. "The ship will only save one hundred people. Clarke made a list."

Jasper narrowed his eyes, and looked back down at the paper. "You didn't tell me?"

"Clarke has a plan," Monty said in defense. 

Jasper scoffed. "Clarke lied to our faces. Now you're defending her?"

"What do you care?" Monty retorted. "You've made it clear you're planning to die, planning to leave me alone."

I stared at the floor. Seemed like a bit of a private moment between two best friends. 

"Which is my choice," Jasper replied, calmly, "not Clarke's. She put herself on this list, by the way. You still think it's all good?"

Honestly, I was kind of relieved. I wanted all my friends safe, including her. But especially Bellamy. "Look. I'm sure she has a reason."

"Oh, Clarke's deciding who's worth saving," Jasper mused, looking at the paper again. "That...that is just great. Guess what guys, you're not."

Well that shit hurts. My mouth went dry and a spark of anger flared in my chest. "What?" 

"See for yourself," Jasper said, handing me the list. 

I read over it with Monty to find he was speaking the truth. Neither of us were on there. Thank God Raven and Bellamy were, but...shit. It hurt to know how little Clarke thought of me after everything we'd been through together. Bellamy would live, so that was worth dying for, but I was still terrified of death. And being sentenced by someone I considered my sister was even worse. 

"Clarke thinks you're expendable."

I gripped the page a little too tight, and hand to hand it over to Monty so I didn't tear it. Just then, the door opened, and Clarke stepped through. Monty told her to wait, apparently guilty about the prank, but I kept my mouth clamped shut. And I couldn't help a little smile when the pipe spat a bunch of white foam all over her. 

Clarke wiped the foam from her eyes. "Really?"

Jasper snatched the paper from Monty. "I found your list. I guess we know who really matters to you."

Clarke's face fell. "J-Jasper-" 

"You're not god, Clarke!" Jasper seethed. "You don't get to decide who lives or dies."

"This list is a backup! We have a-"

Jasper scoffed. "Oh, well I guess you don't mind if I tell everyone then, right?"

Monty rushed to intercept the PA radio before Jasper could get to it. I couldn't find it in me to care. Tell them, don't tell them. I was going to die either way. Maybe I was being selfish, only caring when I thought I was safe, but it was still a hard thing to process. I just wanted to know why. 

"People have a right to know," Jasper argued, pleading to Monty, "that they are working for nothing."

Nate's dad entered before anyone could respond, followed by a few guards. "Is there a fire? Everything alright?"

"Not for you," Jasper replied. "You're not on the list."

"What list?"

Jasper took the tense moment of confusion to shove Monty aside and grab the PA radio. "Attention Arkadia, I have an announcement that could affect-" 

Before he could finish his sentence, Clarke grabbed a shock baton from Miller's belt and used it to hit Jasper. He fell to the ground, convulsing. I knew the feeling, how much it sucked to be electrocuted, and I couldn't believe she would do that to her friend. 

I exchanged a shocked glance with Monty, as Jasper lay groaning on the ground. Both of us, crouched down beside him. "Jasper? Jasper, are you okay?" 

With a cold tone, Clarke said, "He broke into the Chancellor's office. Lock him up. I'm acting on the authority of Chancellor Kane."

I scoffed, that spark of rage swelling. "Like  _hell_ you are."

Miller and the other guards looked at me, between us warily. My father was Chancellor. Not hers. She didn't have jurisdiction, not to put our friends in lockup. 

"Take him into custody," Clarke ordered. 

I stood protectively in front of Jasper. "Do not." 

Finally, after a few tense moments, Miller nodded. "Get him out of here."

The two other guards picked Jasper up, and took him out of the room. Rage bloomed, spread like wildfire through my veins. I wasn't sure I had ever been this pissed at Clarke. I understood she had her reasons for everything she did, I respected her, I loved her, but she was acting rather cowardly lately. And I was furious she used my father's name,  _my name_ , to assert her dominance. 

"Y/n," she began, her voice going soft. I knew she felt bad, but it didn't change the fact that she'd done it. "Monty, it-"

"Don't," Monty said. "Just, don't."

I didn't even say anything. I just gave her a heated glare before storming out, followed closely by Monty.

Christ, I wished Bellamy was here. I hoped he was okay. 

* * *

A few hours later, I'd calmed significantly. Sure, I was fuming, but I wasn't explosive. It was more like a cold anger, that sat uncomfortably in my stomach. I approached Clarke outside, after visiting Jasper with Monty, who was still there. 

"Y/n-" 

"Jasper's fine, if you care," I grunted, keeping my hands stuck in my pockets. I worried I might punch her if I pulled them out, and I didn't want to hurt her. After everything, I wouldn't wish her the worst, but I wasn't sure I would get past the anger. 

"I do care," Clarke replied, and I sensed sincerity in her voice. "Can we talk in private? Please?"

I nodded, and started walking, waiting for her to follow me under an often empty tunnel. I turned, and waited for Clarke to start talking. 

"It wasn't easy making that list. I only had so many spots, and a lot were reserved for engineers, doctors," Clarke explained, apologetic. "Guards, too. You're just-"

"Not skilled enough," I snipped, my voice sharp. "I get it." 

"And it's not just that. This is about saving the human race, making sure we populate after the radiation. And you..." Clarke trailed off, as if not sure whether she wanted to say. I crossed my arms, and wait raised an eyebrow. "Your medical records show you have a chromosomal abnormality. You're infertile." 

I knew that already. I never cared that much, even though I loved the idea of having kids. And it makes sense that that's why she'd exclude me from the list. It was a smart decision. But that's not why I was so angry, I realized. "That's what you think this is about? Clarke, I get why you didn't put me on the list. I may have even agreed with it. Frankly, I don't care whose name is there as long as Bellamy is on it. It's just...who are you? When did you become this person?" 

Clarke's eyes watered. "I haven't become anyone." 

"The Clarke I know wouldn't be arresting her friends!" I argued. 

She looked away, as if composing herself for a moment. "Your father agreed that we needed to keep this quiet." 

"He's not here! That's just an excuse," I snapped. "You're the one saying you live, and Monty dies. You're the one shock-batoning Jasper, then arresting him. You're the one going too far and using the same old justification. 'It's all for my people.'"

"It is!" 

I sighed. "I know you think people will freak out, but if you just tell everyone the truth, maybe they'll surprise you."

Clarke shook her head. "Y/n, it's too risky." 

I pursed my lips, feeling my respect for her fade farther than I ever thought it would. "Jasper was right. You're not god." 

For a moment, we stared each other down, but I didn't care to hear what else she had to say. Both of us had our minds made up and we weren't going to agree. So I did what Monty told me to do, and headed straight for the rover, and turned the radio to PA. 

"I have an announcement to make," I said, my voice crackling through the entirety of Arkadia. "Clarke Griffin has been lying to you. Arkadia will only save one hundred people." 

Everyone halted their work. Murmurs spread through the crowd, and Clarke looked at me, dismayed. 

"Who thinks they made the list?" I continued, reading off the list. "Abby Griffin. Eric Jackson. Thelonious Jaha. Raven Reyes. Octavia Blake. Jim Bruder. Heather David. Grazia Watson. Danny Vertue. Sarah Soderquist. Susan Crawford. Shelley Skerritt..." 

I read off all the names on the list, and felt the tension rise. The crowd gathered in a circle around Clarke, shouting at her angrily. 

"I didn't survive the Ice Nation just to die because you think I'm not good enough!" Riley raged. 

Clarke defended herself, saying, "Riley, you're smart, but you were training to be a guard on the Ark. We only need so many soldiers." 

He scoffed. "You're telling me that Darcy is more qualified than me? She's a trainee too, and I'm a hell of a lot better shot. No offense."

"I know this is hard to take in," Clarke said, addressing everyone. "But to ensure the survival of the human race, the list had to be weighted towards young women who can have children."

"Wait, what?" Hayes objected. "It's because she can have kids? How's that fair?"

"It's not fair. It's smart." 

"Yeah?" Monty scoffed. "What about Harper?" 

I glanced at Harper, who crossed her arms, glaring at Clarke. 

"There's a chance she could be a drain on medical resources." 

"Well I'm not sick," Harper pointed out. 

Clarke frowned. "Not yet." 

Monty seemed to understand what she meant. "Your dad. You went into her medical records?"

"Mine too," I affirmed. 

Harper shook her head in disbelief. "You're condemning me for an illness that I might have someday?"

Clarke stomped her foot down. "I had to consider all variables." 

"That's rich for a person who put herself on the list," Harper muttered. 

"And Bellamy Blake?" Porter input. "Come on!" 

"Hey!" I snapped. "Watch it. Bellamy deserves to be on there more than you."

He opened his mouth to object, and I was ready to defend Bel, but Jaha interjected, strolling into the center of the infuriated circle. "Of course Clarke and Bellamy should be included, as well as Y/n. Strong leadership is essential for survival. Alright, you don't like the list!" 

Jaha stepped towards me, hand outstretched. Reluctantly, I pulled the list from a pocket inside my jacket and handed it to him. "Consider it shredded. Now we can keep fighting each other, and die, or we can work together and give everyone a shot at survival. Your choice."

"Meaning what?" I inquired. 

"We hold a lottery," Jaha suggested. "Randomly choose the one hundred people to survive. But you have to work for it, every day. You don't show up for your assignments, you can't be in the lottery. And when the time comes, we'll collect the names, and we draw. Good?"

Everyone murmured in agreement. I figured that was actually a rather smart way of handling it. 

"Then it's settled," Jaha said. "Now, that radiation shield is ready. Who's gonna help me put it in place?"

Practically everyone raised their hand in assent. 

"Let's get it done!" 

I ran after Jaha, thanking him for the idea. I was never his biggest fan, but this probably saved the human race at the very least. It was giving people hope. Clarke, however, thought differently. 

"You have to know that a random lottery is risky! We could end up with no doctors, no engineers."

I sighed, and Jaha took his leave. He had more important things to do than fight with Clarke. I could do that instead. "You saw that we have to give them something to fight for. You can't tell people they have no value."

Clarke knit her eyebrows together. "That's not what I said."

"That's what they heard," I replied, handing her the rolled up list from Jaha. "It's what I heard, Clarke. The list was pragmatic, but the people need to feel like they have a say in their fate."

"I hope you're right."

"I am," I said, confidence in my words. "But like I said, Clarke, I don't care as long as Bellamy lives. That, at least, we can agree on."

She offered me a small smile, before I walked away, heading for my bed. Like always, it had been a stressful day. I missed Bellamy. I hoped he would be back soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all sorry for the slow flow of updates. It'll be like that until mid-May as it's a very busy time of the year, but the updates will keep coming! Hope you're enjoying!


	5. The Tinder Box

When I got the news that someone had come to Arkadia, carrying one of our own, nearly dead, my emotions were a roller-coaster. Relief, that it might be Bellamy. Terrified that he might die. In the end, it wasn't him at all, rather it was Octavia, but that didn't ease my worry. She was caked in blood, completely limp, barely breathing. My heart dropped, and I snapped into action. Whatever lack of respect I felt for Clarke and her leadership skills right now, she was good in the medical profession. 

I ran ahead, into the garage where Clarke was with Niylah. "Clarke!" 

At the sound of my scream, she turned to us, her face falling. "Octavia?"  

"She just stopped breathing," I explained, trying to keep myself from being hysterical. I was panicking more for Bellamy's sake than mine. I loved Octavia, but it wouldn't ever be the same as Bellamy's love for her. If he knew his sister was dead, he would be crushed. More than that. Unspeakably devastated. 

Clarke shoved everything off of a nearby table and ordered the Grounder who was carrying Octavia to put her on it. 

"There's a stab wound in her belly," I said, brushing off the rest of the objects from the table. "She's soaked in blood."

"Okay, first thing's first," Clarke said, positioning her hands on Octavia's still chest. She counted aloud as she began CPR. 

"Who are you?" I asked the man who carried Octavia in. "How did this happen to her?"

"Ilian kom Trishanakru," he replied. "I was on my way home from Polis when I found her."

I was tempted to ask about my father, if he was okay there, but I doubted he knew who Marcus Kane was, and Octavia's life was on the line here so it wasn't a very imperative topic. I watched as Clarke tried to breathe the life back into her, every ticking second feeling like an eternity before she finally coughed, and her eyes fluttered open. 

The relief that washed over me was overpowering. Getting her to medical would save her. She'd be okay. I blinked away a tear of solace, and put my hand on Octavia's forehead. "You're okay. You're gonna be okay. You've lost a lot of blood, but you're home now. Clarke will help you. I'll be here for you."

Barely audibly, Octavia breathed, "Azgeda's coming."

I wasn't sure I heard correctly, she was so quiet. 

"What's she talking about?" Monty asked, setting down a stretcher on the floor. 

I shrugged, mouthing _I don't know._  

Octavia shakily grabbed my hand. "Azgeda is coming. Army...marching."

Her eyes fluttered closed, and I swore I felt her pulse fade away a little. I tried to maintain my composure. "Hey, Octavia. Hey, hey, stay with me."

"War is here," she breathed, before going unconscious again. 

We gently lifted her onto the stretcher. 

Clarke ordered, "Start an IV, blood, and fluids, and get a suture kit ready."

I moved to follow, to watch over her, be by her side as I told her I would, as I felt I owed to Bellamy, when Clarke stopped me. "Hey, I have to do this, but get your father on the radio. Find out exactly what's going on."

I nodded. "On it."

On the way, I ran into Harper who was still rather shell shocked. "Hey, Harper. Convene the guard. Miller's dad is ranking officer. If Azgeda's coming, we need to plan our defense, okay?"

She nodded, and ran off. I myself went to the rover, and turned on the radio. "Dad, are you there? Hello? Octavia was wounded. Bad. What's going on?"

Static. My heart pounded in my ears. Too much was happening too fast. 

"Dad? Hello? Please respond."

Nothing. I exhaled slowly, trying not to let myself spiral. Maybe the radio just wasn't receiving or transmitting properly. Maybe everything was fine. Dad was okay. Bel was okay. Everything was fine. God, who was I kidding? Nothing was ever fine. Azgeda was marching on us. Maybe that meant my father and Bellamy were dead. Tears stung my eyes at the thought, but I pushed through it. I was supposed to be the hopeful one. 

 _You're too good for this world._ Bellamy's words he spoke to me in the dropship what felt like a million years ago rang in my ears. So much had changed, but he still thought that of me. Even after everything we'd done to each other. He still thought I held all the stars in my eyes, so I had to stay hopeful. If not for me, for him. 

I put down the radio and headed to the command center with everyone else, and relayed the information that no one was responding. Octavia was stable now, so that at least put my mind at ease, if only a little. Now, we stood around a table planning for our defense against Azgeda. 

"Okay, so we station gunners all along the wall," Miller's dad said. "That way, we can thin their numbers before they get a chance to close the distance."

"And when they get close?" I asked. 

"Hydrazine," he replied. "We buried what was left in the engines when we landed. It's being dug up right now. All we have to do is spread it in front of the outer wall. When the army gets close-" 

"We light 'em up," Riley said, his voice lighter than it should have been. I did not think burning an army was anything more than sickening. Survival was survival, but that didn't mean I had to enjoy what I did to stay alive. 

"You want to light a fire outside the ship we just spent the last month getting ready?" I scoffed. Way too risky. What if it was destroyed? Then we'd all be fucked, and the human race would die. 

Clarke piped up from the door she just entered, "That's not happening. Any word from your father?"

I shook my head. "No." 

Monty added, "But Jaha found the cargo truck twelve hours out, no sign of Bellamy or Stephens." 

"What?" I breathed. Suddenly the room was spinning. Monty put an arm around my waist, steadying me before I passed out. I took a deep breath and tried to stay hopeful, even if things were dire. Bellamy was missing. Oh god, I felt like I was going to puke. 

There was a pause of silence, before Clarke spoke again. "I have to speak to Roan. Something happened, some sort of misunderstanding."

"Clarke, if he wanted to talk, he wouldn't be coming with his army," Harper reasoned. 

"Right," she conceded. "But there's only one way to get here from Polis. I'll ride out and meet him."

"No, absolutely not," Miller's dad argued. 

Monty and I exchanged a glance. I hated to say it, but I would risk anything if it would bring Bellamy back to me, and I had an inkling Azgeda knew where he was. "Actually, that might work."

"Y/n, what are you talking about?" Harper asked. 

"Azgeda thinks they have the element of surprise. But, thanks to Octavia, we do." 

"Pike showed us how valuable that can be," Monty added. Which was true, but I would never admit that. It was the one good quality Pike had. 

"You're citing Pike?" Harper raised an eyebrow. 

Monty lowered his head. "As awful as that sounds, yes." 

* * *

Lying still was much harder than I thought it would be. I gripped the gun tight in my hands, trying to keep my breathing steady. We were all positioned in separate places on the ridge of the canyon Azgeda's army was going to be marching through. Monty and Harper were beside me, and directly across from us on the other side of the ravine was Riley and Miller. Other were stationed down the ridge as well. 

It seemed like forever until Azgeda finally came into view, and marched a ways down the canyon until they stopped. Clarke was standing alone, staring down Roan. I couldn't quite hear what they were saying, but I could watch the events unfold through the scope of my gun. All of the front-line archers aimed their arrows at Clarke. I found myself wishing for a bow myself, but mine were long since destroyed and time didn't permit me to make another. Instead of wallowing in that longing, I aimed my gun directly at Roan's chest, illuminating it with a green dot. Others followed. 

The archers turned around, searching for targets to aim at, but we'd be much too high for the arrows to strike accurately. 

"Okay," I murmured. "We got their attention." 

David Miller's voice crackled through the radio. "Remember, no one fires unless fired upon. The radiation's our enemy, not the Ice Nation."

I kept peering through the scope, and my heart beat a little faster when two people in chains with hoods over their heads were forced through the ranks to the front. They were kicked to their knees. When the hoods came off, I nearly fired the gun out of angry shock. It was Bellamy and my dad. 

I gasped, and sat up. My heart and mind raced. I aimed my gun again, and had to fight the impulse to pull the trigger. Monty put a hand on the barrel of my gun and pointed it down. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back my fury. Seeing swords at the throats of Dad and Bellamy's throats made my stomach churn. 

Finally, Roan got off his horse and followed Clarke out of the canyon. It did not ease my tension. Nothing would, not until the hostages were safe. 

"Okay shooters," David said through the radio. "They're moving towards the cave. Let the King go." 

I pulled my aim off of Roan and put it directly on Echo instead. If anything happened to Bellamy, I'd be sure she was the first to die. 

"Wait a second," Harper murmured. "Who's still targeting?"

I looked across the canyon to find a green light still trained on Roan. I looked through my scope and saw that it was Riley. I knew it was a bad idea to bring him on this mission. He was still too angry about what happened to Farm Station. 

I grabbed our radio, and pressed the talk button. "Damn it Riley, what are you doing? Your target is the army. Clarke is negotiating with their king. Over. Riley, respond." 

"Negotiating with these people is a waste of time," Riley replied after a moment. "We have the guns, we have the high ground. We should just take them out."

"No. Stick to the plan," I ordered, trying to keep my voice more commanding and less venomous. I never liked Riley that much, and now he was really pissing me off. 

Riley said, "You really think the Ice Nation gives a damn about your plan? I have a clear shot on the King." 

"This is a tinder box!" I warned. "One shot, and we'll be at war. If you do this it'll be a massacre. You need to stand down. Right now." He didn't. "Riley!" 

Finally, he listened, and the green dot left Roan's head. 

"He shouldn't be here," Harper sighed. "Not after what they did to him."

I nodded. "I know." 

We barely talked for the next couple minutes. All I could do was stare at Bellamy and my dad through my scope, and pray Clarke could solve this problem. I was getting tenser by the second, and I knew I wouldn't be able to just sit here for much longer. 

"God, the waiting is killing me," I groaned. 

"Relax," Monty said. "They should be at the cave by now. Besides, it's not like we have another option. We have to give Clarke time."

David's voice crackled through the radio again. "All units, radio check." 

"Unit one-check." 

"Unit two." 

Nothing. 

"Unit two," David repeated. "Riley where are you?"

I flicked my eyes across the canyon to find his post empty. Shit. I grabbed the radio again. "Damn it. Costa, you got eyes on Riley?" 

Costa replied, "Went to take a leak." 

"How long ago?"

"I don't know. Not long."

I huffed. "Did he leave his rifle?" 

"Negative. Took it with him. Left his radio, though."

"Maybe he went home?" Harper offered, though not even she sounded very convinced of that. 

Monty said, "Or he's headed to that cave to execute the king of the people that made him a slave." 

I ground my teeth. "Any other choices I'm missing?" 

Neither of them responded. An idea crossed my mind. It was kind of impulsive, but I always had been and I couldn't deny my nature, not right now. Not if Bellamy's life was on the line. I moved to stand, but Monty grabbed my arm. 

"Wait, you'll never make it past that army. What are you doing?"

I looked him directly in the eyes, challenging him to stop me, though I doubted he would try again. "Stopping a war."

Over the radio, David asked, frantic, "Y/n, what are you doing? Maintain your position. Repeat, maintain your position."

I didn't listen. I tucked the radio in my belt and left my gun on the ground. Hiking all the way down into the gorge, I didn't once falter in confidence, surprising myself. Normally I would have questioned my choices by now, but I wasn't scared. If I didn't die now, I'd die in a few months, so I figured it was worth it to try to stop a war, save the man I loved, and possibly the human race. 

I rounded a bend, and held up my hands to show I was unarmed, as I approached the army. Immediately, all the archers turned to me, aiming their arrows. "Hey, stop! I'm unarmed. I need to talk to whoever's in charge."

One of the soldiers grabbed my arm roughly and brought me forwards. Both Bellamy and Dad looked at me with dismay in their eyes. I wouldn't apologize for putting myself in danger, even if I knew they'd both be pissed about it. The soldier practically threw me to the ground in front of them. Immediately, Bellamy shot forwards, taking my hands into his. I knew the question he was going to ask before it left his lips. 

"Octavia's alive," I whispered.

Bellamy's eyes lit up, and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but he remained as stoic as possible. I pulled my hands away from Bellamy as much as it pained me to do so, and turned to Echo, who ordered me to speak. 

I looked up at her. "One of our people has moved out of formation. I've reason to believe he's trying to kill your king." 

Echo narrowed her eyes. "Why are you telling me this?" 

Bellamy jumped in. "Why do you think she's telling you this? She's trying to stop a massacre!" 

Dad leaned forward. "Who is it?" 

"Riley," I replied. 

"Riley?" Bellamy said, a little shocked. "He shouldn't even be here." 

I snorted. "That seems to be the consensus."

Echo ordered two soldiers to come with her as she went after Riley. Before she could get very far, my dad spoke up. 

"Wait! If our snipers see archers on the move, they'll open fire." Dad looked at me. "Tell her."

I nodded. "Those are our orders."

"I will not allow my king to be assassinated," Echo growled. 

Bellamy argued, "He doesn't have to be! I know Riley. Let me come with you. I can stop him." 

Echo scoffed. "Do you think me a fool, Bellamy?" 

"You'll be a dead fool if you step out of this kill box without me," he replied. "Use Y/n's radio, and let Kane tell them we're working together to find Riley, and they'll let us pass."

"Bellamy, no," I hissed beneath my breath so only he could hear. I didn't want him to be alone with Echo and two Azgeda archers. I didn't trust them at all. And I didn't want him to get hurt. 

One of the soldiers grabbed my walkie from my belt, and tossed it to Echo who handed it to my dad, who turned it on. "This is Chancellor Kane." 

"Sir, are you alright?" David asked. 

"Listen to me," Dad continued. "Bellamy's working with one of theirs to find Riley. You let them through, understood?"

"Copy that."

Echo took back the radio, and then barked at one of her soldiers in Trigedasleng to take off Bellamy's chains. Relief flowed over me when the manacles left his wrists, but a sinking feeling filled my stomach when Echo looked directly at me. 

"And put it on this one."

Another soldier grabbed me roughly by the soldiers and forced me to kneel beside my father, taking Bellamy's place. We exchanged a deep, emotional stare for just a moment. He was as terrified for me as I was for him. And we loved each other. That would be enough to get us both through this. 

"If I'm not back before the sun goes past the trees," Echo ordered, "kill the hostages."

As the chains clamped around my wrists, I closed my eyes. I couldn't watch Echo lead Bellamy away. I couldn't watch anything unfold. I hoped they stopped Riley. I hoped this didn't turn into a massacre. When I opened my eyes again, Echo and Bel were gone. I glanced up at the ridge I'd been stationed at a minute before. Monty and Harper were still there, and hopefully they'd be safe.

"You did the right thing," Dad said to me, his voice low. "Coming down here."

I nodded slowly. "I know. I just hope it turns out well." 

There was a pause of silence, and my throat grew tight. "I'm scared, Dad. I'm scared she's going to kill Bel."

Dad shifted, as if he wanted to comfort me, but it would have been rather difficult. "He'll be okay. You kids have always been fighters. Since day one."

"Since day one," I repeated, finding it to be strangely comforting. I spun the ring around my fingers, and felt my faith restore. Bellamy would be fine. We would all be fine. 

* * *

In the end, it all worked out. I couldn't run fast enough into Bellamy's arms once mine were free. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, and he lifted me off the ground, squeezing me tight. I took in his familiar scent, his familiar warmth, his everything. It felt like it had been forever since I'd held him. 

"I missed you so much," I murmured in his ear. 

Bellamy kissed my forehead after he set me down. "I missed you too."

We interlocked fingers, and Echo rolled her eyes. "You got her, safe and sound as promised. Good? Let's talk."

"About what?" I asked. "I take it we're not a war, right?" 

Bellamy nodded. "Right."

Clarke and Roan appeared out of the shadows of the trees. I smiled at her, but didn't rush to do anything else friendly. 

"If we can't crack nightblood, we'll share Arkadia. Find a way for us to survive together," Clarke explained. 

I didn't love the idea, but if it avoided war and more unnecessary casualties, then I guess I could be okay with it. 

Before anyone could say anything more, an explosion rocked the land. I turned my attention to the sky, to find it tinged orange, and clouded with ash. My stomach dropped. "It came from Arkadia."

We all rushed back to Arkadia, to find it up in flames. I coughed at the smoke-filled air, and put my hand over my mouth. The ship. It was engulfed in fire. Our last resort to save the human race was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end was a little rushed, sorry about that. Also all my friends are mad at me. They're absolutely up my ass about not finishing game of thrones. I'm on season three. I don't like epic fantasy lmao. I'll finish it eventually. On another note, I saw the trailer for season six of the 100 and I'm HYPE. I'm gonna miss Monty though.


	6. We Will Rise

I feel like I can't breathe. I barely even notice the rain sprinkling on my face, can't register it enough to fear that it might be black rain. All I can do is stare at our ship, engulfed in flames. I knew I might not have been on it, but now no one would be. There wasn't another clear solution. With time running out, I wasn't sure we would be able to to save the human race. 

"When it comes, it'll be colorless," Jaha murmurs beside me. I startle a little. I hadn't heard him approach me. 

I barely managed my response. "How will we know?"

"Pain. Chaos. Death."

My stomach twisted around, but I tried to put on a smile. I tried to keep an optimistic demeanor. If I didn't, no one would. Except Jasper, but he was more fatalistic than optimistic. "Same old, huh? Once we find a new solution, there'll be nothing to worry about."

Jaha fingered the token from the cultist. I didn't know why he still kept that. Maybe it was his version of hope. "We will find a way."

He sounded much more convinced than I did. I took a step forwards, not caring to even glance at Jaha. I'd barely respected him in the past, I hardly did so now. But if he kept that up, that hope, maybe I could find it in me to be friendly instead of just civil. 

For now, I wanted nothing more than to take a walk, far away from all of this. 

* * *

A few hours later, after I'd got some fresh air and cleared my head, I headed to the information session in what was left of Arkadia. I was the last to arrive, and immediately took my spot beside Bellamy. He seemed to sense my fatigue and distress, and put an arm around my shoulders. I smiled. 

"Okay, so," Monty said. "Sectors three, four, and five sustained the worst damage. We lost the server room, all of our processors and life support systems, and half of our living quarters. Now, backup power will keep the lights on at night in the rooms that survived, but we'll have no heat or running water, and no way to restore it or reseal the ship before the radiation gets here."

"Got any good news, Monty?" I asked. 

Dad sighed. "Well, no one died."

"Forget the Ark," Clarke said, entering the room. I guess I wasn't the last to come after all. "It was never gonna save us all anyway. We need to focus our resources on the nightblood solution. Is the fuel loaded?"

Bellamy nodded. "It's in the process, but, Clarke, it isn't gonna be an easy ride." 

She raised an eyebrow and looked between all of us. "What don't I know?"

"With the secret of Praimfaya out," Roan explained, "I sent Echo and my army back to Polis to keep the peace." 

"That's good," Clarke said. "We need peace to distribute the cure."

Roan sighed. "More than half of them deserted along the way. With the end coming, they want to be home. I don't blame them."

Understandable. I looked up at Bellamy. Not that I wanted either of us to die, but if it was inevitable, there's no one else I'd rather die beside. 

"Do you blame them for burning Trikru villages as they go?" Bellamy challenged. 

Roan snorted. "That's funny coming from you."

I shot him a glare. "Watch it. You may be a king but that doesn't mean you're untouchable."

Dad interjected, "Enough! We know the woods are a war zone. After what happened with Ilian, I can't spare many of the guard to protect you." 

"My security detail can protect us," Roan offered. 

Dad gave him a genuine nod. "Thank you. That's very generous."

"We're all in this together now," Roan said. 

Ironic, how the end of the world is what finally brought us all together. Silence fell, and for once it wasn't tense or uncomfortable. It just held the promise of an untold future, and a sliver of hope. Roan left, and the silence broke. 

"I'm gonna check on Octavia before we go," Bellamy said. 

"Tell her thanks from me," I replied. "You know, for warning us. And surviving."

Bellamy smiled and kissed me, leaving my lips tingling. "I love you."

"I know," I teased. He rolled his eyes and kissed me again before heading out to check on his sister. 

Everyone left, until it was just me and my dad. He pulled his jacket on and turned to me. "I'm coming with you."

I shook my head, feeling a little strange, as if I'm the parent in this situation. "You can't."

"I'm the Chancellor," Dad replied, smiling. 

I returned the smile. "That's exactly why you can't go. After everything that happened with Ilian, you're needed here more than ever." Dad's face fell a little, and I put a hand on his arm. "I know you're worried about Abby." 

He sighed. "She's going into space. In a one-hundred year old rocket. Do you have any idea how many things could go wrong?"

I nodded. "Raven said the rocket's intact. She'd like a little more fuel, but as long as we get her what we've got, she said she'll be able to get them both back down safely." Dad opened his mouth to protest, but I held up a hand. "Look, we have to try. I - and Clarke - we'll send her your love." 

Dad smiled softly. "Yes. Please do that. And I'll make sure there's something left to save when you get home." He pulled me into a hug. "You never cease to amaze me, kid."

I smiled. "Bye Dad."

* * *

Outside, I double checked the hydrazine in the back of one of the rovers to make sure it was absolutely secure. We'd be taking two; one driven by Bellamy and I, while Clarke was stuck with Roan and his Azgeda detail in the other carrying hydrazine.  I thought about riding with Roan instead, seeing as I was the best warrior of us three, and as such I was of more use defending the cargo when we inevitably ran into trouble. But, I still hadn't really forgiven Roan for stabbing me in the leg. Too long with him, and I might have returned the favor. So we figured it better not to risk it. 

Bellamy came marching over, clearly in a bad mood. Whatever went on between him and his sister obviously hadn't been very touching. "It's time to go."

I thought about trying to comfort him but I knew it wouldn't make it better. He needed a minute. I'd talk to him in the rover. 

"All set?" I asked, when Monty jumped out of the second rover. 

He nodded. "Locked and loaded. I do, however, feel the need to reiterate you're about to drive the last ten barrels of hydrazine known to man, a cargo which Raven needs every last drop of, through hostile territory packed with warring clans over uneven roads where one serious bump could cause an explosion that would not only kill all of you but would wipe out mankind's only remaining chance for survival."

I chuckled dryly. "What could possibly go wrong, right?"

Monty rolled his eyes, and we hugged before I hopped into the lead rover beside Bellamy. For a while, we rode in silence through the woods. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to at least try to make him feel better or I wouldn't have been a very good girlfriend. 

"It's Octavia, isn't it?" I said, glancing over at him. Bellamy looked over at me, but didn't respond. I sighed. "She still hasn't forgiven you has she? I told you it would take time."

Bellamy shifted his grip across the steering wheel, and his tense features softened, like he was fighting back tears. "We don't have much of that left now, do we?"

I put a hand on his leg, hoping it would give him some more reassurance. I pulled it away when I looked out the windshield to see a group of Grounders standing in the middle of the road. Bellamy picked up the radio and relayed to Clarke in the other rover that we had a situation. 

"Looks like a Trikru checkpoint," Bellamy said through the radio, rolling the rover to a stop. "Stay alert. Show no weapons. Keep your passengers on ice."

"Copy," Clarke said. 

I peered out the window, and something caught my eye. One of the men was on the ground, surrounded by a few clearly worried people. "Wait. It's not a checkpoint. They have wounded."

"Y/n-" Bellamy protested, but I was already out the door. He followed me soon after, though I was sure he wasn't happy about me getting out at all. 

One of the Grounders approached me. He was vaguely familiar, like I'd passed him on the street in Polis and my brain had locked his face away. Maybe that meant he recognized me as well. My father was well known. By association, I might have been. 

"What happened here?" I asked. 

"Azgeda burned our village to the ground," the man explained. "My father caught an ax with his leg and we can't stop the bleeding."

I exchanged a glance with Bellamy, and raced over to the dying man. I wasn't a doctor in the slightest, but I'd been wounded enough and treated enough to know how to at least assess damage and stay blood flow. I knelt beside the man, and inspected the large gash in his thigh. Like I'd been told, it was bleeding steadily, and the skin was hot to the touch. Not a good sign. 

I looked up at Bellamy, frowning. And then my eyes strayed to the second rover, considering getting Clarke, but then I saw a child. She was getting a little too close to the back of the rover. 

"I'm sorry," I said, rising. "There's nothing we can do."

"Think maybe you can clear the road?" Bellamy asked, keeping his voice soft and civil. 

The Grounder nodded. "Everyone move!" 

"If you're headed to Polis, we could use a ride," one of the Grounders said. 

I jumped back into the rover. Bellamy opened his door, but didn't hop in yet. 

"We're not headed to Polis."

"Broadleaf and Plainsriders are moving against Azgeda. We want in."

I glanced at Bellamy, mentally urging him to get in the damn rover. We had Azgeda in the rover behind us, and I was sure Trikru would be none too happy to discover that. I wanted to leave before they could. 

"Hey, kid," Bellamy yelled. "Get away from there!" 

Moments later, the same kid breezed past him, screaming about Azgeda. My heart sped up. Now we had trouble. Bellamy hopped into the driver's seat, cursing. He took off, driving through the angered Trikru, who had their weapons drawn. They jumped out of our way, and we sped off through the forest. We didn't stop until we let out the other end of the woods, to the sandy beach of a wide river. Not something we could easily cross. 

"Looks like we got another problem," Bellamy relayed through the radio. 

At the bank of the river, we stopped and hopped out. The gushing water was honestly a relaxing sound, relieving some of the stress of our impending doom. But it only lasted a moment. 

I sighed. "Murphy didn't say anything about a river."

Bellamy snorted. "What else could go wrong?"

Roan and Clarke joined us, staring out across the deep rushing river. 

"Ice melt," Roan said. "I'll find us a place to cross upstream."

He started to walk down the beach, but I stopped him. I regretted offering anything to him, but the faster we reached Raven, the better. "Wait. Take the rover. You'll cover more ground and it'll be safer."

"With him?" Bellamy said, clearly not in agreement. 

I shrugged. "We have to get across the river. The rest of us will stay here and safeguard the fuel."

Bellamy gave in, and planted a quick kiss on my lips. "We won't be long."

I smiled. "See you soon."

Roan and Bellamy got into the lead rover, and sped off down the shoreline, leaving me and Clarke alone with the rest of the Azgeda detail. I wandered a little, though never too far from the hydrazine, always keeping myself on alert for any Trikru. 

I did not, however, think to stay alert about the Azgeda warriors who were supposed to be working with us. At the very last second, I heard the faint whir of a blade slicing through air, and I ducked, just barely missing being beheaded. I whirled around, reaching for my trusty dagger in my boot. Before I could use it, the warrior kicked me in the gut and I stumbled backwards into the water. 

I glanced over at the rover to see Clarke was having a similar scuffle, though Seiku was trying to defend her. At least one of these fuckers had it in their right mind to try to help us prevent human extinction. I ducked another swing of the sword and ran out of the water to help Clarke. Halfway to her, my heart sank as I saw one of the warriors run Seiku through, and then knock Clarke unconscious. 

"No!" I screamed, stopping in my tracks. 

The warrior I'd been fighting in the river appeared behind me, putting a sword to my throat. I moved to get free, but he whispered in my ear that he'd kill Clarke if I did anything to fight back. All the fury towards her that had been festering in my core evaporated. With her life on the line, my anger didn't matter. So I stepped past her unconscious body and jumped into the rover. 

The warrior who'd knocked Clarke unconscious jumped into the passenger seat beside me, aimed Clarke's handgun at me, and told me to drive. I hesitated, but only for a moment. Save Clarke. Save Bellamy. Keep driving, I keep them safe. 

I took off down the beach, and through another patch of forest. I knew it had only been a few minutes, but when we hit a stretch of wide open plains, it felt like I'd been driving for days. I was far enough from Bellamy and Clarke to keep them safe, but that said nothing for my well-being, and knowing Bellamy he wasn't going to leave me at risk. At least, I hoped not. If not for me, they had to come for the hydrazine. 

Sure enough, after a few minutes, I saw Bellamy's rover in the rear-view mirror. I eased up on the gas a little, hoping to slow my rover enough for him to catch up. My heart pounded as our momentum slowed. But then the Azgeda man beside me barked at the other in the back by the hydrazine to stop them. And then he screamed at me to keep going, slamming his foot on top of mine. 

I exhaled, and inhaled, trying to keep my fear from overtaking me. Everything would be fine. It had to turn out fine. I tried to fight the man's foot to let up on the gas again, but he was pressing so hard I could almost feel my foot bruising. 

Bellamy pulled up right next to me. Clarke was in the back, stirring but not functional. Roan was atop the rover, clearly readying himself to jump into the back of mine. I glanced over into the driver's seat, locking eyes with Bellamy. Both of us were terrified for each other in that moment. It was the clearest I'd ever spoken with my gaze. 

I snapped my head back forwards when the man beside me put a blade to my throat. 

Bellamy screamed, "Now! Do it!" 

Roan leaped from Bellamy's rover to mine. They fought in the back, and I prayed that the hydrazine wasn't weaponized. 

"Give me a clean shot!" Bellamy yelled. I looked over at him, and saw an idea dawning on his face. And it was the kind that  _I_ got. Impulsive. Reckless. Might get him killed. I hoped he knew what he was doing. 

Bellamy sped up, racing way ahead of my rover. He turned a ninety-degree angle, and stopped, then jumped out of the rover with a gun aiming straight at my windshield. Panic exploded in my core. I would not run into him. I wouldn't let him get hurt. With an eruption of newfound strength, I fought against the Azgeda man beside me. I turned the wheel, changing the course so I wouldn't hit Bellamy. The man grabbed onto the wheel turning it back towards Bellamy. 

I elbowed him as hard as I could, and he grunted in pain. A bullet struck the windshield, and hit him directly in the head. Blood splattered, and he slumped. I gasped, and planted both of my feet full force on the brake. Bellamy ducked back into the rover, covering himself, preparing for impact, but thankfully my rover screeched to a halt. 

I smiled in relief, and Bellamy smiled back. 

When Clarke awoke, she took over the driving for Roan, and I took over driving for Bellamy. His hand wouldn't leave my knee, consistently tracing indistinct lines with his finger. I couldn't stop smiling. He knew how much I loved that. It was such a gentle, seemingly meaningless touch, but it never failed to soothe me. God I loved him. 

We chatted a little, keeping it light, mostly just gushing that we were happy about each other's safety. I didn't push about Octavia. He would tell me when he was ready. 

Finally, we reached our destination. I radioed to Clarke that we were here, and stopped the rover. I jumped out, and stared out at the seemingly endless blue sea. Bellamy stood by my side, and interlocked his fingers with mine. 

"I'm gonna take the rover back to camp," Bellamy said. 

"Octavia?" I implored. 

He nodded. "It's pathetic, right? She hates me, but I keep coming back for more." 

"She's your sister," I replied, squeezing his hand. "She's your blood. She'll come around and see how special you are."

"Y/n," Bellamy said, his voice soft. "If I don't see you again..."

I shook my head. "No. You will. Because I'm going back with you, Bel. They don't need me to make nightblood. Besides, you wouldn't survive a day without me."

Bellamy kissed my forehead, smiling at my joke. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes," I replied. "You do."

"We've got a problem!" Roan shouted, interrupting our moment.

We raced over to find him standing in the back of the second rover. Protruding from one of the hydrazine barrels was an arrow. Roan kicked the barrel over, and the lid popped off, revealing the contents to be empty. 

I shook my head in disbelief. After all of that, we lost a barrel. A whole damn barrel of hydrazine. Again, I found myself unable to breathe. 

Another solution, gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are enjoying!! No fun stories this time. Or maybe you don't think they're fun. Whatever, I just like to rant to strangers on the internet. It be like that sometimes. Stay tuned for more!


	7. Gimme Shelter

Yellow. The world around me was shaded in hues of yellow. Incredibly foreboding. I jumped out of the rover along with Bellamy, and headed for my dad who greeted us. I hugged him. 

"Welcome back," Dad said. 

I smiled, but it dropped almost instantly when thunder rumbled across the land. Given the sickly hue around us, it was going to bring black rain. For real this time. Wind picked up, whipping at the flyways from my braid, and I immediately knew that we wouldn't have to wait much longer for the rain to come. Just one drop sprinkled on my face, and it burned. If only one little raindrop could be so painful, I imagined that a downfall would be excruciating. 

"Black rain," I murmured. 

"Everybody inside!" Dad yelled. 

"Black rain!" Bellamy shouted. "Sound the alarm!" 

No one objected. I herded everyone towards the entrance of the Ark. Everyone lifted their jackets over their heads as the rain poured down harder. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and made way towards the Ark myself. I hoisted my jacket over my head to try and protect myself as I headed to the back of the stampede. I tried not to cry as rain pelted onto me, burning what skin I had exposed. 

I stopped in my tracks when I nearly tripped over a man screaming in pain on the ground. I thought about helping him, but he already was so burned I doubted we had the medical resources to spare to help him. I hated to leave him there, but it wouldn't matter if we couldn't save ourselves when the radiation came anyway. 

Harper was staring at him with horrified shock. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to help him up. So when she moved towards him, I grabbed her arm. 

"Come on, Harper," I shouted above the chaos. I pulled her towards the Ark, and she came along willingly, though distraught.

As soon as I was under shelter, I threw my jacket down and stripped off the rest of my clothes until I was standing only in my undergarments. I rinsed myself off thoroughly with water from the barrels, all the while keeping my eyes open for my boyfriend. When I couldn't find him, I ignored the stinging and stepped away from the barrels. Wandering just in my underwear, I searched around for Bellamy, calling out his name. But there was no response. I couldn't find him anywhere. 

My heart leaped into my throat. I knew maybe I was thinking the worst; he had to be in here, I would have heard him screaming if not. But I couldn't see him. 

"Bel?" I called, shoving through everyone who paid me no mind. "Bellamy!" 

I raced to the front of the room to find him and my dad stumbling in with the man who'd been dying on the ground. Guilt struck me for a moment, but I pushed through it. Right now, it wasn't worth it to be guilty about anything. Not until after we found a way to survive. 

"I need to find Octavia," Bellamy said, after rinsing himself off rather poorly. At least he didn't look to be in much pain so hopefully he was okay. 

"She's not here!" Dad replied. "She took off hours ago." 

Bellamy moved for the door. "I gotta find her."

I grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Bellamy, stop! I doubt anyone knows where she went! We just got back, and the rover doesn't have enough power to go searching through the woods."

"The rain will kill her!" Bellamy argued, his voice taut. 

I put a hand on his face, trying to reassure him. "She's smart. You gotta trust she found shelter, okay?" 

Bellamy stared into my eyes for a moment, and finally agreed. I gave him a small smile, and then closed the heavy door. Chaos still reigned, and I practically dunked myself back into the barrel beside Bellamy who was also undressed. 

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" Someone's voice crackled through my dad's radio. "Look we're caught in the rain and it burns! We're trapped in the rubble just north of the factory crash. Please, can anybody hear me?"

"This is Chancellor Kane, I hear you!" Dad replied. "Can you hear me?"

"Kane! Kane, it's Mark Colton. Look, please, my son is soaked with black rain. Please, you gotta help us. Hurry!"

I exchanged a panicked glance with Bellamy. Immediately, I knew what was going through his head. And I knew I wouldn't be able to stop him if he set his mind on it, so I would be there with him when the time came. Whether he wanted me to or not. I wasn't letting him carry shit like this alone. Not anymore.

* * *

"I already said no," Bellamy said, duct-aping the hazmat suit that was falling apart, barely survivable. 

I rolled my eyes, and propped my elbows on the silver table. "God, Bel. This isn't on you! We're a we! We do things together, that's how it works. We love each other." 

"Exactly," he replied. "And I don't want you getting hurt."

I huffed. "Your head is so far up your ass you're turning into a pretzel."

Bellamy glanced at me, a smile on his lips. "Aw." 

"Shut up," I snapped, irritated, but I couldn't help the smile. Strange how the way he infuriated me also is what attracted me.

My dad approached before either of us could carry on the argument any further. I smiled at him. "Everyone else accounted for?" 

"Jaha and Monty reported in from Sector five. All two hundred of their people are safe," he explained. "The other sectors are still counting. We're down two."

My smile dropped. That sucked. And maybe it was selfish, but I was glad it wasn't any of my friends. 

"Not for long," Bellamy replied. 

In the medbay, violent coughing caught my attention. Harper was attending to the man, the same one she felt at fault for his condition. I tried my best to reassure her, but it didn't seem to work. 

"Bellamy," Dad said, "the fire damage to that suit could cause tears you can't see, much less seal."

I snorted. "You don't think I've already mentioned that? He doesn't listen to reason."

Bellamy rolled his eyes at me. "It's the best we've got."

I grabbed his hand. "Bellamy, please don't go. Not alone. Mark Colton is out there. He's resourceful. Right now, they're under an overhang, out of the rain." 

"Peter, his son, was one of the hundred."

I sighed. "I know. I remember."

"I'm doing this."

"Then let me come with you!" I argued. 

Both he and my dad said no in unison. I groaned. 

"You want reason?" Bellamy said. "There's not another hazmat suit. Only one of us can go, and I'm not going to risk your life."

My heart sank. He was right. I couldn't walk outside in a downpour of black rain. I'd die. But so might Bellamy. I grabbed his collar and kissed him. "Fine. But if  _you_ die I'll find a way to resurrect you so I can kill you myself."

Bellamy kissed my forehead. "I love you."

And then he headed for the door. I followed him, and stopped just inside the door. Watching him walk out into the rain was nerve-wracking. And then my worst fears came to fruition when halfway to the rover, he stopped. My heart pounded in my ears. Bellamy started groaning in pain. 

"Bellamy!" I screamed. "Bellamy turn around!" 

But he didn't. I could only watch as he raced for the rover in a suit falling apart at the seams, praying he would make it. If he didn't, I wasn't sure I could survive the heartbreak. I picked up a radio, and pressed the talk button. 

"Bel, what the hell happened?" I asked, not trying to hide the worry in my voice. There wasn't a response. I couldn't see him anymore. Hysteria threatened to tear down my composure. "Bellamy! Bellamy come in!"

Finally, his voice crackled through the radio. I almost fell over with relief. "You were right. The suit's useless."

"You gotta come back in," I pleaded. "Bring the rover to the airlock."

Another voice crackled through the radio. "Bellamy, it's Mark. Are you there?"

"Right here."

I whispered to myself, "Oh god no, Bel. Come on, don't be a hero. For once."

Mark coughed through the radio. "Are you on the move yet? Peter doesn't look so good." 

"He's been through worse," Bellamy assured him. "We'll get through this too. I'm on my way."

I huffed. "Bellamy, go to the private channel." 

I switched over to a private channel meant just for my radio and the one in the rover.

"No more lectures," Bellamy said. "I can't find my sister, but I do know where they are." 

"Bellamy, stop," I said, knowing I couldn't get him to change his mind. "Listen to me. No unnecessary risks. You come home safe." 

"I got this."

"I know," I said, my voice breaking. Why did we have to keep risking each others lives? This is not what I wanted for us. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Static. I watched the rover leave Arkadia, with my heart heavy like stone. 

What seemed like forever, but was really only a half hour or so later, I finally heard Bellamy's voice again, over the public channel. 

"Mark, it's Bellamy. Coming up on Factory station. Almost to you over." 

There was a beat of silence.

"Guys, read me? Don't go quiet on me now. Gonna need a little help navigating once I'm past the wreckage."

"Yeah, I'm here," Mark replied, but he sounded different. Much more shaky, frantic. "We're northwest of the salvage area at about fifteen degrees. Just follow the- Peter!"

My stomach dropped. Oh god. I hoped Bellamy got there to save them, to save Peter. He was always such a good kid. This was not how he deserved to die. 

"What's happening?" Bellamy asked. "Are you okay?"

"Peter get below me. Bellamy!" 

"Mark what's going on?"

Mark cried, "The wind shifted. The rain is blowing in!"

"Okay, you need to find something to use for cover."

"There's nothing here," Mark said. "Look, I'm blocking it from Peter as best I can. Just hurry. Please!"

"Look south!" Bellamy replied. "You'll see my headlights in two minutes. I'm-"

He cuts off, and I exhale slowly, trying to keep from panicking. Whatever happened I was sure he was fine. He had to be okay. 

"Bellamy, I don't see the lights. Where are you?"

"Just...just a minor delay," Bellamy said, his voice wavering a little. "Just, just hold on okay?"

"No!" Mark cried. "No, we can't! How long?"

"Bellamy," I said through the private channel, finally unable to remain quiet. "What's happening?" Silence. I grew more panicked. "Answer! What minor delay?"

He sighed. "Stuck in the mud. Gonna use the winch to get me out."

I stood up so fast, the stool I was sitting on clattered to the ground. Others shot me confused glances, but I glared at them and they returned to work. "No! Bel, you have no suit and I can hear the rain over the radio. Please, just wait for the storm to pass. Is that clear?"

On the other line, Peter coughed violently. "Bellamy! Peter needs help, now, right now! He can't breathe!"

My voice began to shake. "If you go into that storm, three people die instead of two. You're out of options. It's time to let go. I'm sorry."

"You said you'd be here!" Mark's cries continued. "Where the hell are you?"

"What am I supposed to tell them?" Bellamy asked. 

I swallowed over a lump in my throat. "The truth."

There was a long bout of silence. I listened intently, trying hard not to cry. I knew how much Bellamy wanted to save them, to atone for what he'd done. But I couldn't lose him too. 

"Mark. Peter," Bellamy said, his voice soft and shaking, "I can't get to you."

"What? No! We'll come to you, please, I can carry him!"

"It's too far, Mark," Bellamy reasoned. "You'll never make it."

"We won't make it here!"

"Look," Bellamy said, "I'm sorry. You just-your only chance is to wait a little longer, and when the rain stops I can dig out."

"My son is dying! He's dying right now! You said that you would help us. Please!"

I rested my head on my arms, blinking away tears. Another dead. Everyone was dying. I just hoped that none of my friends were next. 

I couldn't listen to Bellamy talking to air. After the rain began to let up, I knew that they were dead. I tried to keep my voice steady, but it wasn't working. "Bellamy. You did your best."

"I failed. They're dead."

I sniffled. "It's not your fault." 

"I can't protect anyone," Bellamy said, his voice breaking. "I couldn't protect my sister. My responsibility, and I failed. My mom passed out. She was there. She was in my hands. She was so helpless, and now what is she? Is she even alive? What is she-I-"

"You didn't fail, Bel," I said. "You did everything you could for her. You came to the ground for her. You can't save someone who doesn't wanna be saved. Your mother would be proud of the man you've become. I know I am."

"Your father floated my mother," Bellamy replied gruffly. 

I sighed. Back to that. He was just upset. Understandably so. It wasn't worth it to argue with him right now. I just wanted him to come back, to be in my arms. 

A few hours later, the clouds cleared and the rain stopped, leaving a clear night sky. I sat outside in silence, knee bouncing, waiting for Bellamy to return. When the headlights flooded into Arkadia, I perked up. I stood, and stared at him. His eyes were red, and his face crestfallen. 

"Still no word from Octavia," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

Bellamy stared into my eyes, and I saw a defeated acceptance. It was a horrible look, one that broke my heart. "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

I wrapped my arms around him. Slowly, he did the same. And we just stayed like that, holding each other under the night sky, tired, and fearful of what was to come. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, y'all so sorry this took like two weeks to get out. I promise I haven't abandoned you! Just got swamped with school work and couldn't find the motivation after that to write, but stay tuned for another update!!


	8. God Complex

I leaned on Bellamy's shoulder, his arm wrapped around mine, standing on the outskirts of the funeral. We'd lost thirteen to the black rain. I knew Bellamy was still upset over Mark and Peter. My heart was heavy for them too, but I hoped he'd mourn today and that would be it. Until we were all safe, anyway. That had to be the priority now more than ever. 

"May we meet again," Jaha said, finishing his funeral speech. 

"May we meet again," I murmured, along with everyone else. I spun my ring around my finger as I watched the bodies go up in flames. 

I closed my eyes and let the ring wash away my worries. There was still hope for a better tomorrow. Or a better today. Better anything. I had to stay hopeful. 

"Too many funerals, too little time."

Jasper's voice startled me, and I snapped my eyes open again. He walked past us, a smile on his face. 

"Show some respect for the dead," Bellamy said, his voice gruff. 

Jasper shrugged. "What for? They don't mind."

I narrowed my eyes. "Hey, where you going?"

Jasper turned around, raising his arms up. "Wherever the day takes me!"

"You got a chem tent?" I shouted, as he headed for the gates. 

He swung his arms in an over-dramatic manner. "Nope!"

I sighed, and exchanged a concerned glance with Bellamy. We followed after him, calling his name, but he didn't slow down. I knew he wanted to die, but I wasn't just going to stand by in good conscience and let that happen. He was still my friend. He still wanted me to have fun. Dancing under the sun that day was the best I had felt in a long time. 

"No one's supposed to leave without a chem tent," Bellamy said, when we caught up to him. 

"Do you have a chem tent?" 

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Good," Jasper said, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Then we have a chem tent."

Bellamy's composure hardened, and he grabbed Jasper's jacket forcing him to stop. "Maybe you didn't see how those people died." 

"I saw. I'm just not afraid of it happening to me." Jasper shook free, and stepped towards the gate. 

I huffed. "Jasper, it's not safe out there."

"What else it new?" He pushed the gate open, and turned back to us, grinning. "Come on, we're losing daylight!"

"Jasper," I groaned. I shared another glance with Bellamy as Jasper took off outside of the gate. "Jasper! Ah, damn it." We picked up into a run, until I grabbed his sleeve. "Hey, would you grow the hell up?" 

He flashed me another smile. "Good, you're coming."

"Yeah, but only because we don't want to carry your body bag."

Jasper joked, "Oh come on, I'm pretty light. I mean, I'm wiry, but I'm light."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the twitch of my lips. One thing was certain: he would never fail to lift my spirits. Even if it was in the most fatalistic sense.

Darkness fell as we trekked through the woods. I kept beside Bellamy, but listened intently to whatever Jasper had to say. I was going to cherish every moment I had left with my friends before the radiation came. I was hopeful but not convinced that we'd find another solution. 

After a while of silence, Jasper spoke again, just as devil-may-care as ever. "I know it's bad and everything is dying and all, but I'm just gonna say it. I don't miss mosquitoes. Don't miss them."

I snorted. That was something I could agree with too. 

"This is all a big joke to you, isn't it?" Bellamy grunted. 

Jasper nodded. "Now you're getting it. That's exactly what it is. One big cosmic joke. You'd realize that too if you pulled that stick out of your ass. Loosen up like your girlfriend."

Heat rushed into my cheeks. I knew he meant it in the best way, but it sure sounded derivative. And that, I'm guessing is what pushed Bellamy over the edge. He roughly grabbed Jasper's jacket and spun him around. 

"That's enough! That is enough." 

They stared each other down for a moment, before Bellamy's features softened, and he released Jasper. 

"I'm just trying to help you," Jasper murmured. 

Bellamy scoffed. "Oh you're trying to help. That's funny. It's late. We're leaving. Now."

Bellamy turned around, but only got a few steps before Jasper practically exploded. "Damn it, open your eyes! The clock is ticking, and has been since we landed on this terrible, beautiful planet."

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked. 

Jasper glanced at me. "It means we are living on borrowed time. All of us."

"So if you know that," Bellamy argued, "why are you throwing it away?"

Jasper shook his head in amused disbelief, sporting a smile that made my heart fall. "I'm not. You are. What is the point in beating up over all of the...the crappy things you've done? You did them! And - and don't say you had reasons, because at the end of the day, at the end of the  _world_ , nobody gives a damn about your reasons, because they are your reasons! No matter how much you punish yourself, it's not gonna change anything. It's not gonna bring anyone back."

Teary eyed, he glanced between the both of us. I assumed he was talking about Maya. It was so long ago. But I understood. I feared I would be the same as Jasper if I lost Bellamy. Unhinged, reckless, without a care about anything in the world. 

Jasper continued, "The way I see it, is we can spend our last days wallowing in our reasons or we can do...we can do whatever the hell we want! Really mean it this time."

Whatever the hell we want. Wow.  _That_ felt like a millennia ago. 

Jasper nodded his head towards a stump. "Magic beans. Remember those?"

I shined my flashlight on the stump, to reveal a small bush of ripe jobi nuts. My mouth went dry. Immediately, the memory of the last time I was high on those hit me like a slap in the face. I closed my eyes and shook the images of a dying Bellamy from my mind. 

"Hallucinogenic nuts?" I said. "That's why you dragged us out here? If you think I'm taking those again, you're crazy."

Jasper shrugged and cut a few jobi nuts free with his pocket knife. "Whatever the hell you want."

* * *

When we got back, I was ready for a nap, but that was absolutely not what greeted us. In fact, maybe it was better. Rock music blared through the station, accompanied by the drunken cheers of teenagers. 

"Got it started without us!" Jasper exclaimed. 

"Got what started?" Bellamy implored, putting his pack down. 

We rounded the corner to find everyone dancing and drinking. Practically a rave, right beside medbay. Jasper headed straight for it. 

Bellamy scoffed. "Fun."

Despite part of me was aching for rest, the rest was buzzing with excitement. Damn. I could really do with some fun for a little bit. After all this shit, I deserved some fun. I grabbed Bellamy's hand and tugged him towards the party.

"Everyone's gonna die, Bellamy," Jasper said. "We can go out like them..." He nodded to the morose people sitting and crying in medbay. "Or like us. The ending's the same. But who says the journey has to suck?"

He joined the party, and tossed up the jobi nuts. "I come bearing fruit!"

Everyone cheered. 

I smiled. "Come on, Bel. It'll be fun.  _Especially_  with me."

He smiled, and shook his head. "Well, that you just might be right about."

"Dance with me," I said, swaying my hips to the music. 

"Alright, show me what you got, miss two left feet," Bellamy teased. 

I gasped in mock offense. "Oh, it's gonna be like  _that_ huh. Well, I'll show you."

He cocked his head, and his eyes lit up. "I sure hope so."

Bellamy pulled me into a kiss. Warmth tingled in my veins, and I let it buzz, let it flood my mind with ecstasy. I looked up on the platform to see a grinning Jasper throwing an imaginary line and pulling us in. I beamed, and we joined everyone else. 

"Good idea," Jasper said, when we met him. He handed me a cup of alcohol. I gratefully accepted. "Let someone else save the world for once."

I clinked my cup against his, and downed it all at once. "Woo!" 

Letting the alcohol take over, I danced around, guiding Bellamy's hands, leading the moves. All my worries melted away. It was just me, Bellamy, and the beat of the music. Every part of my body was on fire with joy, drunk with carelessness. 

I turned around, and ran my fingers through Bellamy's thick, wild curls, down his face. He pulled me into a deep, zealous kiss that lit me from the core. As my heart pounded harder and my veins tingled with pleasure, I finally couldn't take it anymore. 

"Hey, Bel," I murmured, breathless. "I'm done dancing."

Bellamy's smile grew. "I was hoping you'd say that."

Giggling, I kissed him on the lips, then the neck. I grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of the party. Our touches were like fire and electricity all in one as we stumbled into an empty room. 

As we kissed deeper, more deliberately, more passionately, I felt like I was on cloud nine. Nothing else mattered right now. Nothing but him and me. Us. Together, before the world ended. And I hoped to god it didn't. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all sorry this was a short chapter. Hopefully you enjoyed it anyway! More to come, so stay tuned!


	9. DNR

I stood beside Bellamy in the ship with pretty much everyone else, staring up at a smiling Jaha. He and a few others, like Monty and my dad, had gone on a mission to find another way to survive the radiation. From the atmosphere, I gathered it was good news. Finally, there was concrete hope, not just a wisp I was grasping at. 

"There is an underground aquifer," Jaha explained, "with a filtration system that is still operational. Some of the water will go to the hydroponic farm. Isn't that right, Mr. Green?" 

I glanced over at Monty, who nodded, a small smile on his face. "Most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Almost."

I smiled at the loving look he and Harper exchanged. "Aw. Cute."

"Not as cute as you," Bellamy whispered in my ear. 

I punched him lightly. "Ugh that was gross."

He chuckled, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I reveled in his comforting warmth. 

"It won't be easy," Jaha continued. "There will be plenty of hard work to go around. But together, we have struggled. And together, we will rise." 

Everyone cheered. 

"Pack your things. Just what you can carry. We leave at first light."

Another eruption of cheers, and then everyone dispersed, leaving me, Bellamy, and Monty. 

"Jaha was right," I said, unable to hide the clear surprise in my voice. I doubted Jaha. A lot. 

Monty nodded. "Got a lot of gear to pack. Sure you're not too hung over?"

I crossed my arms, trying to keep positive but I could tell it was a dig at me and Bellamy both. "You judging me, Monty?" 

He shrugged. "A little."

I rolled my eyes, keeping up the smile. "There was no hope, now there's hope. Let's go."

We headed through medbay, and met Jasper with the few stragglers who never left the party. 

"Jasper," Monty said, smiling, hope in his eyes. "You're gonna love it."

Jasper raised his glass, with a strange look on his face. It didn't sit well with me. Nothing he did anymore sat well with me. 

"Give him a minute," Bellamy said. "They'll figure it out when we take the still."

"We don't need it," Monty replied. "There's one in the bunker."

I snorted. "Sounds great."

We parted ways, and I headed off with Bellamy to pack up my stuff. Not that there was much I had anyway. In fact, Bellamy and I could put all our clothes and gear in the same pack. We didn't. Maybe it felt too...married couple like. I wasn't against that. Truthfully, I hoped we got there someday, even if there was no way to make it official. But even if not, we loved each other, and that was enough for me. 

Bellamy picked up a hardcover book I recognized as the Iliad, which I'd given him a long time ago. "Remember when you gave me this?" 

I nodded. "I do. Has it gotten old yet?" 

"Well, since you gave it to me," Bellamy says, smiling, his eyes glinting. "Never."

I rolled my eyes. "You're  _so_ cheesy."

He pulled me into him, planting a kiss on my forehead. "What can I say? You fell for a romantic."

"I most certainly did. I should go find him, see if he's ready to leave." I pulled away from him, unable to hide my teasing smile. I didn't get more than one step before Bellamy grabbed my elbow and spun me around, kissing me deeply. 

"You're funny," he said, grinning. 

"I know," I replied. A moment of silence passed as we stared into each others eyes. I cleared my throat. "As fun as this is, we should get going." 

He nodded, and slung his pack over his shoulder. I led the way out of the room, looking for our other friends. Strangely, I couldn't. Not even Monty. The only place I could think to look was where we held the rave the night before. Sure enough, as we got closer, rock music pulsated through the floor and walls, as if the beat was becoming one with the Ark. 

"Hey," I approached Miller and turned him around by the shoulder. "What's going on?" 

"They won't come out." 

I shoved past him, and peered through the window. A bunch of kids my age, some older, were dancing around, drinking, living life like the world wasn't ending. As much as I appreciated that, I was antsy to get going. Jasper and Harper came into view, and my heart fell. Of course. 

I pounded on the door, trying to get their attention. If the others wanted to stay here and let the radiation consume them, then fine. But I wasn't going to walk without at least trying to save my friends. Jasper just turned the music up. I huffed and rolled my eyes. Fine. I tried to pry the doors open, but to no avail. 

"So all the doors are jammed?" I asked. 

Jaha nodded. "But this is the door to blow. How many gas canisters do we have?"

I scoffed. "What?"

Bellamy said, "You can't be serious."

Monty input, "In Mount Weather, we beat the gas by using water. Jasper will be ready for that."

Bellamy shook his head and stepped past them beside me, holding his hands up. "Just slow down. Let me talk to them."

"Bellamy, we have over four hundred people ready to march," Jaha said. 

I peered into the window again, to see Jasper turn the music down and approach the door, waving a gun. I sucked in a breath. "Gun."

"Harper's," Monty said, his face falling. 

"How many more of them are armed?" Jaha implored. 

Jasper approached the window, and pressed his palm up against the glass. Written across his hand were the letters DNR. 

"DNR?" I asked. 

"Do not resuscitate," Monty explained. 

I shook my head. I refused to accept that. I had to try. Just a little more. I pressed the button for the comm into the room. "Jasper, put the gun down. Open the door. Please."

"We're not coming out."

Monty raced up beside me, and pushed me away from the door. "This is insane! Are you really willing to die, when there's a way to live? Are they?"

Jasper shrugged. "That's just it. We don't think it's a way to live." 

"Just go," Harper said from behind Jasper, her voice desperate. "Please."

Jaha sighed. "We're wasting time. Set the charge."

One of the guards moved to follow his orders. 

"You can go to guns. Do not fire unless fired upon," Jaha commanded. "Is that clear?"

"No!" Bellamy argued. "Okay, just-just wait! Jasper, people will get hurt. I know you care about that."

Silence.

"If you don't want anyone to get hurt, don't open the door," Jasper warned, sending chills down my spine. He really was gone. Lost, forever. After today, I didn't think I would ever see him again. 

Jasper sauntered away, and turned the music back up, drowning us all out. 

"We're all set," said the guard who set the charge. "We should clear the hall."

Jaha pursed his lips, and headed for the comm. "Mr. Jordan, I will not leave children here to die."

Bellamy glanced at me, and I felt his gaze harden. "You sent them down to die. The difference now, is that they have a choice. And so do you."

"What are you talking about?" Monty asked. 

"This is what they want," I said, defeated. 

 Monty shook his head, his voice taut with frustration. "They're wasted! They don't know what they want!"

Jaha sighed. "Stand down."

They took the charge off the door, leaving it locked with my drunken friends inside, waiting to die. 

"Get ready to move out."

"What?" Monty argued, as everyone else obeyed. "No! You can't!" 

"I'm sorry son. Bellamy is right. We can't save them if they don't want to be saved." Jaha gave him a pitiful smile, and walked away, leaving just the three of us. 

Monty glowered at Bellamy. "If Octavia was in there, would you let her stay?"

"If Octavia was in there, at least I'd get to say goodbye," Bellamy murmured. I touched him gently on the shoulder, before he walked away. 

I hung back for a moment, wracking my brain for the right words to say. There weren't any. Monty's best friend and girlfriend were in there, waiting around to die. This one, I couldn't fix. All I could do was bring Monty into a bear hug, before heading after Bellamy. 

As everyone filed out of Arkadia, I walked beside Bellamy, our hands interlocked. 

Bellamy shouted to everyone, "Remember, it's not black rain yet. But it can turn at any moment. So keep the person with your assigned chem tent in sight at all times." 

"No one but us saves ourselves," Jaha said, leading the charge. "We ourselves must walk the path."

Bellamy and I hung back, waiting for everyone else to pass us so we'd be the last. Harper and Jasper came to greet us, the latter with a smile. 

"Not too late to change your mind," I said, hoping I could at least reach Harper. 

Jasper nodded. "Yes it is. You can still stay, you know."

I shook my head. "We're not quitters."

Jasper snorted. "Thanks for understanding." 

I smiled at him, trying to hold onto this memory forever.  _This_ would be the last I saw of him. I knew that. And it struck me like a bullet. 

Harper asked, her voice just above a whisper, "Where's Monty?"

"Unloading the rover," Bellamy replied. "We're leaving it behind for you, by the way. He didn't say goodbye?"

Harper shook her head, frowning. "Take care of him for us, will you?"

Bel and I shared a glance. I smiled at her. "You know we will."

I pulled her into a hug, trying not to cry. After her, I hugged Jasper, even if he didn't really want it. Thankfully, he returned it. "Thanks for never letting my spark die. But not I'll need someone else to make me laugh with dumb jokes."

"You still got Monty," Jasper responded, his voice actually full of sentiment, for the first time in a long time. 

I sniffled and pulled away. "Yeah. I do." 

Bellamy smiled at both of them. "May we meet again."

"We won't," Jasper replied. 

I looked up at Bellamy to find his eyes as misty as mine. He forced a smile, hiding his despair. "Whatever the hell you want."

Jasper laughed and hugged him. 

And with that, we were gone. I interlocked my fingers with Bellamy's and stepped out into the rain. Guilt weighed heavy on my heart, but I still had Bellamy. With the promise of peace, of life, within our grasp, I couldn't help feeling just a twinge of elation. I was leaving behind some of my best friends, but others are waiting for me. 

Someday, this will all be worth it. 

That did not turn out to be the case when we finally reached Polis. Bellamy, Clarke, and I stood together on a balcony of the tower, overlooking all of Polis. Shrouded by darkness and rain, I wouldn't be able to see anything were it not for the flickering torches every here and there. 

"The entire city is the battlefield," Clarke explained, crestfallen. "No time limit. No guns. One warrior from each clan fights until only one remains."

I sighed. "And the winner's clan takes the bunker. Just like that."

Clarke nodded. 

"Without guns, and without anyone trained in Grounder combat," I said, feeling that hope beginning to dissipate once again, "there's no way we can win."

"Hey," Clarke said, putting a hand on my arm. It's actually rather comforting. "We fight, or we die."

I leaned into Bellamy. That's always been it. Fight or die. I tried to believe it mattered. We'd get out of this. Somehow, we'd win. 

Somehow, someday, this would all be worth it. I'd make sure of it myself if I had to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooow sorry this took literally a month to get out. Busy time in university!! Just one week and I'll be done with my first year and then y'all will get more updates I promise. Hope you're enjoying! Stay tuned!


	10. Die All, Die Merrily

I stepped into the darkness of the preparation room, unease sitting like a rock in my stomach. For a moment, I stared at the Blake siblings sitting on a bench, locked in quiet conversation. 

I cleared my throat, and they both turned their heads in my direction. "It's time."

Octavia nodded. When she reached me, I put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. You got this."

The corner of her lips twitched, acknowledging my concern. Then she pushed past me, heading for the courtyard arena. I sigh. 

"You really think she has a chance?" Bellamy asked, when he approached me. 

I nodded solemnly. "Right now, she needs to believe it." 

And so did we. I took Bellamy's hand in mine, and followed Octavia outside where a crowd gathered. 

"Octavia kom Skaikru," Gaia said from an elevated stage at the front of the crowd, "step forward."

I pulled Bellamy through the crowd until we were at the front. Octavia strode up the steps and stopped at Gaia's side. 

"Accept the sigil of your clan and fight with honor as their champion." Gaia strung a necklace bearing the symbol of Skaikru around Octavia's neck. Bellamy's grip on my hand tightened as his sister took her place in a line with the other champions, beside Roan.

The next - and last - champion to step up was Ilian kom Trishanakru, the man who destroyed our last hope of survival. I clenched my jaw. The past was the past. All that mattered now was that Octavia won the fight. 

"Conclave," Gaia announced, "A battle to the death within the walls of Polis. These warriors will fight until only one remains. When that warrior collects all the sigils from the fallen and delivers them to me, they will be declared the victor. This final champion alone will tell us which clan is meant to survive in the crypt of Bekka Pramheda, and which clans are meant to perish in Praimfaya." In Trigedasleng, she said, "We honor those who fall by the sword but follow the One who wields it the best."

"Daun bilaik ai!" A voice shouts from the back of the crowd.  _That would be me_. I turned to see a familiar face weaving through the parting crowd. Luna. Darkness and anger flared in her eyes. I'd never seen her so enraged. It was terrifying. 

She stepped up to the stage. "I am Luna kom Flokru, and I'm the last of my clan." 

"We know who you are," Gaia replied, disdain written across her face. "The natblida who ran from her conclave." 

"I'm not running from this one."

Reluctantly, Gaia handed her a necklace. "Accept the sigil of your clan, but with your clan gone, who will you fight for?"

"I fight for no one. I fight for death." 

Murmurs spread through the crowd. Well, that's generally not what you wanna hear. 

Luna addressed all of us, nothing but a longing for vengeance on her face. "When I win, no one will be saved!" 

As the champions retreated into the battle prep room, the crowd dispersed. Bellamy and I reconvened with my father, Jaha, and Clarke. I couldn't bring it upon me to talk, or even listen to the heated conversation. I knew Luna. I knew she meant business. She could win. I held onto the hope that Octavia would come out victorious, but with Luna as a wildcard, it's a little harder to hope now. 

Gaia approached our little group. "Three advisers to the worgeda. The rest of you report to your designated safe zone. Now." 

"Come on," Dad said, nodding towards Bellamy. "We have to get her ready."

Jaha grabbed his arm as he turned away. "This conversation isn't over. The death wave will be here within three days and here we are, risking the fate of our people on a blood sport?"

"The fate of all people," I said, glaring at him sharply. "You heard Luna." 

"She's just one of thirteen," Dad replied. 

Clarke scoffed. "You're wrong. She's a Nightblood novitiate which means she trained in combat exactly like this."

"You want us to cheat?" Bellamy accused. 

I shook my head. "Clarke, you know the rules. If we break them, we lose, and if we lose, we die."

"The rules are not the problem, Y/n," Jaha said. "The game is. Even if we stop Luna, even if Octavia finds a way to win, does anyone truly believe that the Grounders will accept Skaikru as the lone survivors?"

Dad nodded. "Yes. The conclave is sacred. They'll honor the winner. Like it or not, we're all Grounders now. You get our people to the safe zone. We'll have Octavia ready for the fight. The rest is...the rest is up to her."

Dad and Jaha headed off towards their respective duties, leaving me alone with Bellamy and Clarke. 

"Both of you should go with him," Bellamy said. "I wouldn't know what to say to her."

Clarke shook her head. "I have to help my mom get the bunker ready for whoever wins."

She offered him a smile, and headed away. 

"You're her brother, Bel," I said after a moment of silence. "You not being there is worse than saying the wrong thing." I offered him my hand, and he took it. "Come on. I'll be right there beside you in case you find yourself floundering."

"I don't flounder."

I cracked a smirk. "Yeah, right. Sure you don't."

He smiles back, but it's half-hearted and disappears rather quickly. I sigh. Nothing I could say would cheer him up. Octavia might die today. I believed she could prevail, even against Luna. But there was no getting rid of the suffocating worry. 

We met up with my father in the preparation room, where Octavia was pacing around, sword in hand. I smiled at her, but before I could even say hello, my father was already talking tactic. Probably smart. 

"Alright, listen to me," Dad said. "The blue cliff warrior, she has two corvo blades. I just saw her practicing. She's left-handed. You go for her weak hand. The Plains Rider and the warrior from Shallow Valley, they're strong, but they're slow. You can avoid them, not to mention the black rain which could fall at any moment, so you stay close to cover." 

"What, Bellamy?" Octavia grunted. "If you've got something to say, just say it."

I glanced at him. For the last few minutes, he'd been fidgeting, making faces, clearly at odds with what my father was suggesting. 

He said, "You don't need any of this. When the starting horn blows, just stay out of sight and let the others thin out the competition." 

Octavia scoffed. "You want me to hide?"

"You don't need to go up against the strongest warrior from every clan," Bellamy advised. 

"I came here to fight."

Bellamy stepped closer to her, releasing my hand. "You were the girl under the floor. Use that, just like Mom taught us."

Not a terrible idea. Great, in fact. I nodded in agreement. "Bellamy's right. You don't have to kill all twelve warriors." 

Silence fell as Octavia processed the information. "I just have to kill the last one."

We all nodded. Hope swelled in my chest, more powerful than every. I was confident Octavia could do this. She could win. We would all be saved. 

"Ambassadors and advisers to the Tower," a voice echoed from above us. "Champions, to your flags."

Without offering any words, I pulled Octavia into a tight hug, so rough that she stumbled. I couldn't help it. Just in case, I needed to hug her, to let her know I loved her. 

I pulled away, and she turned to her brother. "May we meet again."

"Damn right we will," Bellamy replied. They stared at each other for a moment, before Bellamy and I headed away, up to the tower. 

Drumbeats echoed around the arena, in tune with my erratic heart. I found myself biting my fingernails. Maybe I was more nervous about this than I thought. How could I not be, when I didn't even get to see the action? We just stood in the throne room beside our pillar with a flame atop it, waiting to see if ours will get snuffed out. 

The horns blew. The fight had begun. 

I tried to refrain from pacing. Bellamy was even more on edge than I was. I forced myself to calm down. Bellamy had every right to be terrified. His sister was out there. I had to be the strong once right now. 

Gaia entered the room from the balcony, looking crestfallen. A wave of nausea overcame me. "The first two champions have fallen."

I gripped tight to Bellamy's hand.  _Please not Octavia. Please not Octavia._

A man snuffed out Ingranronakru and Trikru. 

I couldn't ignore my relief, but I glanced over at Indra. I hadn't thought about the fact that she wouldn't get to live through the radiation. She was my friend too. God this sucked. 

"Octavia's still out there," I whispered, trying to be reassuring. But the reality of it was hitting even harder now. 

Bellamy didn't even look at me, spoke with a low voice. "I couldn't tell her I love her. Even with the world ending." 

I lifted his arm over my shoulders and slipped my arm around his waist. "Trust me, Bel. She knows." 

He sighed and leaned into me. "You know, without you I'm not sure I could make it through this."

I rubbed his back in small, gentle circles. "Of course you would. You've been through hell, Bel. And came out all the better for it. The Blakes can do anything. That, I believe more than anything else."

* * *

Time ticked by slower than ever. I stood beside my father and Bellamy on the balcony as he stared through a spyglass at the playing field. I myself didn't see much, but then, I wasn't really looking. My mind wandered. 

"Hey," Bellamy said, catching my attention. "Blue cliff warrior just killed him with an arrow. I just saw it."

I looked down at the dead body of the Sangedakru warrior. Sure enough, there was an arrow protruding from his back. I exchanged a glance with my dad. "Okay...so?"

Bellamy grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. The urgency in his eyes shocked my system awake. Something was up. "So we saw her before the fight. She didn't have a bow. She had two swords."

"Yeah, the corvo blades," Dad input. "Well, she could have picked up a bow off the battlefield."

Bellamy shook his head and headed back inside. I furrowed my eyebrows and chased after him. I found him surveying all the other advisers. "What is it?"

"Echo's gone."

I glanced around to find he was right. I didn't even have a chance to respond before Bellamy was off. I huffed, and motioned for my dad to follow me. 

"Bellamy," I called, shoving through the crowd out into the hallway. "Bel, wait! Bellamy!" 

Halfway down the hall, he stopped and turned to me. "My sister is down there! Echo is cheating and I'm gonna stop her."

"No, we are," I argued, feeling a spark of excitement in my veins. Maybe I was getting a little too addicted to adrenaline. "I care about her too. No objections. We do this as a team." 

Dad stepped in, trying to be the voice of reason. "You don't even know it's her! It could be anyone down there."

"We all know who it is," Bellamy snapped. 

"Then one of Gaia's scouts will find her, and Ice Nation will be punished," Dad reasoned. 

I shook my head. "They'll never catch her. Echo is a spy. This is what she does."

Desperation lined Dad's face, and his voice roughened. "You listen to me. You get caught on that battlefield, we all pay the price. They'll execute Octavia, and all of our people will be left to die."

"If I am right, then Azgeda has two people in this fight," Bellamy argued, "and we die anyway! And you think I should just stay here and do nothing?"

Dad shook his head, glancing between the two of us. "No. No. You wait until dark, so you don't get caught."

I nodded. "Okay." 

When dark finally came, Bellamy and I couldn't sneak down to the arena fast enough. We hid in an alcove of debris, waiting for the scout to pass after lighting a lantern. I took the lead, silently heading for the wooden tower that Bellamy said the arrows were coming from. As soon as we were out in the open I felt incredibly exposed. Dad was right. Much better to have the cloak of night on our side. 

We rounded a corner, that left us with no cover at all for a long stretch of hallway. I burst into a run, and nearly tripped over myself to stop when I saw a warrior stalking the streets. I grabbed Bellamy by the coat before he breezed past me and practically slammed him against the wall. I put a finger to my lips to keep him quiet.

Peeking around the corner, I held my breath, waiting for the warrior to leave. But he didn't. Instead, Luna emerged from a stack of debris, bloody and pure hate in her eyes. They charged. Luna struck him down with barely any effort. I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes. 

_Please don't come over here._

She stormed past, leaving us an opening. Without any more hesitation we raced towards the tower, and up a flight of stairs. At the top, I slowly pushed the door open with a creak. I stepped to the side as an arrow sailed towards me. It sank deep into the door frame. 

Both Bellamy and I leaped on Echo, grappling with her in the small space. I took a few punches to the gut before Bellamy was able to tackle her to the ground and restrain her. He wrapped his hands around her throat and tightened his grip, choking her. 

"Bellamy," I warned. He didn't seem to hear me. It was of no matter. A shifting in the doorway caught my attention. I turned around just in time to see Roan leveling his sword at me. I ducked out of the way, and launched myself at him. He sidestepped, easily dodging me. I dug my heel into the ground and whirled around to face him just as fast. I might not have had a weapon, but I was still a hell of a fighter. 

I kicked up a stray piece of plywood into my hand. I swung it towards Roan, and he caught it with his sword. I managed to get in a few good hits before he kicked me in the face. Blood filled my mouth, and I cried out. The wood spilled from my hand as Roan kicked my knees and I crumpled to the ground. Roan rested his sword against my collarbone.

"Bellamy!" I nearly shouted, finally getting his attention. His eyes widened, and it gave Echo enough time to throw him off of her. She coughed and rubbed her throat. 

Roan pulled his sword away and instead shoved me to the ground. I grunted, and spit out a glob of blood. 

"I should have known you three couldn't stay away," Roan growled. "I heard you all the way down the street. You're lucky I wasn't a scout."

I staggered to my feet, wiping my mouth, pointing an accusatory finger at Echo. "We came here to stop her!"

Roan narrowed his eyes and turned the point of his sword from me to her. "Explain yourself."

Echo pursed her lips. "I was only trying to help save our people."

Roan snarled, "I am not my mother. I'm not willing to cast aside honor for power." 

"No one has to know," Echo murmured, stepping closer to him. 

"You misunderstand," Roan said. "I will not allow your dishonor to give Luna an advantage and you will not shame our clan ever again. You are Azgeda no more."

Echo stepped back like she just got slapped in the face. I supposed it was worse than that. "Sire, wait."

"You're banished, Echo. And when I win this conclave, make no mistake; there will be no place for you inside that bunker," Roan growled. "Now get out of my sight. And off this battlefield without being seen. Or know that you are the cause of the death of our people."

Slowly, Echo walked towards the door. And then she was gone, leaving us alone with Roan, who turned his sword on Bellamy. My heart sped up. I took a step towards him, but he shot me a warning glance. 

"If you're gonna kill me, just get it over with." 

"I take it by your presence here that your sister's still alive," Roan noted. 

Bellamy nodded, and I could feel the pride emanating from him. "That's right." 

"If I call for a scout, she'll be executed right now." There was a tense pause of silence. Roan lowered his sword. "But what fun would that be? You really think she can win, don't you?"

"I wouldn't count her out if I were you," Bellamy said, smiling softly, daring a challenge. "She's survived things harder than this." 

Roan chuckled. "Before she dies, I'll tell her she's lucky to have you as a brother."

Something like hope glinted in his eyes. "I got a better idea. After she guts you, and before you die, you tell her I was the lucky one."

They stared each other down for another moment before Bellamy offered his hand to me and we walked out of the room. Problem solved. Now Octavia was still fighting a fair fight. We just had to make it back to the Tower and everything would turn out fine. 

Retracing our steps, we winded through the arena, being sure to watch our step. Thankfully we only had to worry about four people down here so we could move a lot faster than before. Another step forward, and suddenly, there were arms around me. 

"Bellamy-" I gasped, before a cloth was pressed over my mouth and nose. I struggled for a moment, but then everything went black. 

I awoke to a pounding in my head, lying next to Bellamy on a couch in an unfamiliar place. Slowly, I sat up. It looked like an office. No windows. Made entirely of metal. Clarke and Jaha were speaking in hushed tones over a wooden desk. I shook Bellamy awake, and slowly he stirred. 

They turned in our direction as we rose to our feet. There was only one thing this could mean. 

"What the hell did you do?" I asked, my voice hoarse. 

Jaha shrugged, speaking with a cool tone as if it was the most reasonable answer in the world. "If only one clan could survive, it might as well be ours."

I scoffed. "Clarke, you agreed to this?"

She averted her gaze. 

Jaha explained, "It was her idea."

Clarke shot us apologetic glances, but I wasn't having it. Octavia was fighting to give us this bunker. God, I understand why everyone hates Skaikru. "We did what we had to do."

Bellamy tensed beside me. I felt like I was suffocating. This wasn't right. There had to be a way to make this right. There had to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a late update! Hope you're enjoying!


	11. The Other Side

"How could you do this?" Bellamy raged. "There were only four warriors left. Octavia was one of them. She might have won!"

"And she might not have," Jaha said, voice complacent, indifferent. 

I narrowed my eyes at Jaha. Balling my hands into fists was the only thing keeping me from exploding. 

Clarke sighed. "Bellamy you're right. She had a chance. But Luna was in the final four as well. Which means there is an even better chance of nobody getting into this bunker, of nobody surviving. The end of the human race! Can you understand that?"

He scoffed. "Yeah. I- I can understand it. You did what you think you had to do, like always. But you can't - you can't expect me to stay down here not knowing what happened to my sister."

"We're not opening that door, son," Jaha said. 

I was fuming now. They had no right to do this, to take over the bunker, to bring us here against our will. "You know what, I must have missed the election that made you Chancellor again!" 

The door to the office opened and Abby stepped inside. "I was setting up an infirmary and I heard people in the corridor. Is it over? Did we win?"

I scoffed, waving my gesturing angrily. "We don't know." 

Abby glanced around. "Where's Marcus? Y/n, where's your father?"

"He was in the tower," Jaha said. "We sent some people for him, Bellamy, Y/n, and Octavia. These two were the only ones we could get in time. I'm sorry."

My heart sank. Nausea washed over me, and the room spun. I wasn't sure if it was from shock or rage, but I almost collapsed. I couldn't stay down here knowing my father would succumb to the radiation, just the same Bellamy couldn't leave his sister up there. 

"Give me your radio," Abby commanded. "Marcus has his." 

Jaha shook his head. "The walkies are no good down here."

Clarke pressed a button on the desk, and part of it fell away to let a panel rise up. Jaha protested, but she sighed. "I'm letting them say goodbye."

I rushed to step around the side of the desk, but Jaha got in my way. I stared him down, fire flashing in my eyes. I could feel my common sense fracturing away, and it was tacking every ounce of restraint I had to not attack him. 

"I understand your need to know," Jaha cautioned, "but I promise you there is nothing but more pain on the other side of the radio. The radiation levels have become critical, so people outside are already feeling the effects. Once they realize that we took this bunker, it'll be chaos. And if we open that door, we let that chaos inside."

"I understand," I snapped. "Now get the hell out of my way."

I crouched beside Bellamy and Abby as we honed in the communications system. I quickly gave it a once over and relayed information. "The walkies are set to 21.5 megahertz." I turned the dial slightly until Octavia's voice came through the static. 

"Can anyone...can anyone hear me? Over. This is Octavia. Can anyone hear me, damn it."

I smiled in relief and nudged Bellamy. He picked up the receiver and responded, "O, it's me. You okay?"

"I'm alive," she replied, rightfully pissed. "I won. Bel, what the hell did you do?"

"It wasn't me," Bellamy said, his voice soft, his eyes wide and relieved. Thank god she was okay. "But I'll fix it." 

"Listen to me. When I won, I decided to share the bunker with everyone. A hundred from each clan," Octavia explained. "Kane is out there buying us time, helping them select their people, and Gaia somehow convinced the scouts to lock down the temple, but if anybody finds out that Skaikru stole the bunker, we're all dead."

I exchanged a glance with Bellamy and we had a conversation in half a second.  _We're a team._

"Copy that," Bellamy said. "Y/n and I are on our way."

Before we could take a step, Miller entered the office flanked by several guards. I glared at them. 

"Turn off the radio," Jaha ordered. 

Abby pleaded, her voice desperate, "Thelonious, we can save them."

"O, I'm gonna need some time," Bellamy murmured into the radio. 

"Wait, what?" She replied. "Bellamy they don't have-" 

Jaha slammed the radio off, cutting out the rest of her warning. 

"Did you hear her?" I shouted, overwhelmed with desperation, anger, hopelessness. Dammit we were so close! So close to being safe. "The Grounders are listening to her now, but they won't be for much longer!" 

"I am opening that door," Bellamy added, his voice low and challenging. 

Jaha sighed. "I'm sorry. But right now, our people are safe. We cannot risk that."

I scoffed, grabbing Bellamy's hand in a show of support. "To stop us, you're gonna have to kill us."

Miller frowned. "Come on, Y/n. It doesn't have to be like this."

The guards slowly edged towards us. Instinctively, I positioned myself slightly in front of Bellamy. Only one of us needed to escape to get that door open. I'd take one for the team. 

Tense silence fell. It seemed to last forever, before I made an impulsive decision. With one last glare at Jaha, I rushed the guard nearest me, driving him to the floor. Bellamy followed suit, attacking any guard he could. Two guards grabbed his arms, but I grabbed on by the arm, spun him around and kneed him in the gut, leaving Bellamy free to shake Miller off. 

The guard I was preoccupied with was a much more diligent fighter than I thought. I blocked every punch he threw my way, until I finally took him down with a few strategically placed blows to the groin and the head. As if any of these fuckers could beat me. 

I realized too late that Bellamy was on the ground. I gasped as electricity coursed through me, stinging across my skin. Pain arced across my body as I lay on the floor beside my boyfriend, groaning. Involuntary tears rolled down my cheeks. Every shift of my body exacerbated the pain, every breath rattled my chest. My vision went hazy. 

I couldn't do anything to fight back as Miller heaved me to my feet, nor as he clamped zip-ties around my wrists. They took us down to the deepest level of the bunker, and into a room called the turbine room. By the time the pain was just a dull ache and I got my senses back, there was already one cuff around my wrist, bolting me to the floor. I fought back as much as I could, but I knew it was futile. I couldn't even reach Bellamy from my spot. Probably for the best that they separated us. I would do anything for him. Anything to get him out of here, to get him to open the door. 

Frustration swelled in my chest as I yanked on my bindings. The ties cut into my skin, and blood ran down my wrist. I screamed in anger, and tried to kick at the bolt on the ground, but it was to no avail. I couldn't do anything to save myself. Or Bellamy. Or my father, or Octavia. This sucked. 

"Hey, stop," Bellamy said, his voice soft. I glanced over at him, from the other end of the room. "You're hurting yourself."

"Oh, whatever, Bel, you're doing the same!" I shouted. 

"Because it's our only way out of here," Bellamy muttered. "I don't want you to get hurt too."

I sighed. "Fine. But it was my plan. I thought it only fair that I be the one to get hurt. Besides, more realistic if we're both upset." 

"You're too good for this world," Bellamy said, impossibly lifting my spirits. Every time he said that, it made my heart soar. 

I cracked a lop-sided smile. "I know. But certainly not too good for you. Now let's keep screaming."

And we did. For like an hour. Eventually, my throat went hoarse and exhaustion weighed me down, so I just slumped to the floor, cradling my wounded hands. Bellamy kept at it, not once relenting in his cries for help. I hoped he wasn't hurting himself too much. 

After a while, the door opened. I slightly turned my head to see Murphy enter the room. He gave me a once-over, probably thought I was unconscious, before turning to Bellamy. 

"Bellamy, what the hell are you doing?" Murphy admonished him. "You're just hurting yourself!" 

Bellamy rose to his feet. "Murphy. Murphy. Untie me. Please."

Murphy sighed. He almost sounded sorry when he said, "I can't do that. Look I-I'm sorry about your sister." 

Bellamy lunged at him, but the chains brought him up short. "You let me go!" 

Murphy put his hands up in defense. "Hey, I can't okay! Okay, I can't. We can't open that hatch. So stop doing this to yourself before I call medical and knock your ass out. Just give up like your girlfriend."

I sat up and glared at him. "Okay, hey, I didn't give up. I just got tired, Murphy." 

 _Yeah, so not the time_ , a voice chided me in my head. 

 Murphy rolled his eyes. "Whatever." 

"You haven't changed," Bellamy snarled. "You only care about yourself!"

For the record I didn't really think that was true. Objectively, he cared about a few other people. But it was all part of the act. 

"You're wrong," Murphy said. "Look this is only gonna be for a few days." 

"She'll be dead in a few days!" Bellamy screamed. The pain in his voice broke me. 

"Yeah. I'm sorry," Murphy apologized, staring for a moment before leaving. 

Bellamy called out after him, but once he was gone for sure, he dropped back down. "Really? Felt like you had to jump in there?" 

I scowled. "Hey, I was defending my honor. I don't give up. Just had to reinforce that."

"You sure it wasn't about your ego?" Bellamy teased. 

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe a little. Point is, my plan is working. You're welcome."

Both of us sat down, waiting in silence. I nodded off for a bit, intermittently waking up expecting something to happen. Finally, I snapped awake to Abby entering the room. Bellamy and I bolted to our feet. 

"It's about time," Bellamy grunted. "I didn't do this to my wrists for fun." 

Abby paused, glancing between us. "You want me to help you open that door."

"Abby," I pleaded, "I saw your face when you heard Octavia's voice on the radio. My dad is out there."

"You don't think I know that?" Abby hissed, clearly very distraught. I feel a little dirty preying on her love for my father, but I needed him inside, I needed Octavia inside. I needed everyone to be safe and she was the way to do that. 

"Do better today than we did yesterday," Bellamy said. "That's what he told me. That's how we deserve to survive."

Abby pursed her lips, and a knowing smile quirked at my lips. Good. We'd convinced her. Sparing no more time, she went to work unlocking our restraints and dress our wounds. I winced at Bellamy's. He was doubly worse off than I was. I felt horrible about that. 

Once we were both free, Abby called out, "John! I need you! Come quick!" 

As soon as he crossed the threshold, he saw me free, I gave him an apologetic wave, and then Bellamy trapped him in a choke-hold. I stood at the ready in case Murphy escaped, but before long he was unconscious on the ground. 

"Aw," I remarked staring at him. "I feel kinda bad."

"He'll be fine," Bellamy replied. 

"He's not our problem. The airlock control is in the main office," Abby explained. "So is Jaha. You have a plan for that too?"

Getting Abby down here and appealing to her emotional side was about the extent of my planning. Time for impulsive nature to take over. 

I nodded and picked up Murphy's stun baton. "Yeah. Open the damn door or die trying."

Bellamy flashed me an appreciatory smile. We headed up the elevator to the main level of the bunker. I hid in wait with Bellamy outside a secret door to the office while we sent Abby to distract Jaha and dose him.  I was tempted to eavesdrop, but I couldn't bring myself to listen to whatever bullshit Jaha had to say about his apologies for the death of my father. 

A few moments later, she let us in, and we headed for the control panel. 

Bellamy grabbed her arm. "Abby, I promise you, Octavia won't let anything happen to Clarke. And neither will Y/n or I."

Abby nodded and sat down. "Let's do this. It takes two people to open the doors. One from above, and one from here. Get into position. Now."

Bellamy grabbed my hand and lead me through the bunker towards the entrance. We stopped at a heavy metal door, sealing the room with the hatch. I pulled on it, desperate to get it open. When the light when from yellow to green, I didn't hesitate to yank it open. Bellamy and I rushed inside. He was halfway up the stairwell when Clarke burst into the room. 

"Bellamy, stop!" She aimed a gun at him. My heart pounded. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins a mile a minute. 

Bellamy held up his hands in defense. "We don't have time for this. The radiation is getting worse and people are dying up there!" 

He moved to take another step up the stairs, but Clarke fired a warning shot. He ducked. I took a few steps towards her, panicked. I trusted Clarke, but right now she seemed a little unstable. I wasn't sure she wouldn't shoot him. 

The barrel of her pistol turned on me, so close I wouldn't be able to avoid it if she fired. Me, she might shoot. 

Bellamy's eyes widened. "Clarke, what are you doing?"

"What I have to, like always," she replied, her voice heavy. She stepped closer to me, and the barrel of her pistol touched the back of my head. I raised my hands in defense, actual fear rising in my core. "Now get away from the door."

Bellamy shook his head, not tearing his eyes away from me. "No. This isn't like shutting the dropship door or pulling the lever in Mount Weather or the City of Light. We knew what we were stopping then. Now, we know nothing!" 

"We know if that door stays shut, the human race survives!" Clarke argued. "Please."

"Clarke," I murmured. "Are you really going to kill me? Or Bellamy? Because that's the only way to stop this."

A moment of silence passed before the gun left my head. I turned to see tears streaming down Clarke's face. I knew it was hard for her, but thank god she didn't actually shoot me. I'd forgive her when this was over, but I was a little pissed she threatened me. Without saying anything to her, I raced up the stairs after Bellamy and helped him open the hatch. First he stepped out, and I followed right after. 

Bellamy was holding Octavia close. I gave Indra a smile, and searched the cave for my father, but he was nowhere to be found. I hoped I'd see him soon. 

"Octavia," Indra announced, "They're here."

A scout holding a torch led a bunch of Grounders into the room. The leaders of each clan, I assumed. 

"We are one clan," Octavia said to them in Trig. "And this is our home." She turned around, grabbed the sword from Indra's sheath, and held it to Echo's throat. "Everyone except you."

Shock crossed her features. "We had a deal. You said-"

"I said your people would live," Octavia growled. "I didn't say anything about you. You can tell them we stole the bunker if you want, but the door's open now. So..."

Echo looked around for help. I turned away. I didn't trust her. Didn't like her. 

Indra said, "Be thankful knowing your banishment will be short."

Echo steeled herself, and a smile set on her face. "Praimfaya awaits."

And then she was gone. 

We led everyone into the bunker. I waited until the end when I finally saw my father again. I wrapped my arms around him as soon as I could. 

"I wasn't going to leave you up here, you know," I said. "Abby either." 

"I know, kid." Dad hugged me tighter, before releasing me. "Now let's make sure we get everyone settled in." 

I nodded, and followed him down into the bunker. We headed to the main office, where Jaha, Abby, Indra, Octavia, Clarke, and Bellamy were waiting. Immediately, I went to Bellamy's side. Everything would turn out fine now. I had my dad, Bellamy, Octavia, and a chance. 

"This facility won't run itself," Dad explained, spreading out a map of the bunker on the table. 

Abby suggested, "We'll need to prioritize doctors and engineers. 

"Alright, of course we'll go for Raven," Dad said. 

Jaha scoffed from the doors of the office, staring out at the crowd of grounders waiting for their quarters. "You call this justice?"

"I call this making things right," Octavia said. "Thanks to my brother. And Y/n."

Jaha rolled his eyes over all of us, as if he was completely disgusted by our actions. To be fair, he probably was. "You let this happen. How many of us have to die?"

"You're lucky it's not all of you," Indra growled. 

"Lucky?" 

Dad stepped in, keeping a negotiating tone. "We have one hundred spots. The other clans have all...have all chosen their survivors. We have to do the same."

Jaha chuckled dryly. "One hundred. We have over four times that."

"A pain that all clans feel," Octavia said. 

I crossed my arms, and stared down Jaha. Nothing could be done to change this anymore. We had to abide by the rule. It was only fair. I fought for this. 

"Is this what you wanted?" Jaha accused Clarke. 

Clarke shook her head. "No one wanted this." 

"Want's got nothing to do with this!" Octavia exploded. "Skaikru gets one hundred beds same as everybody else. Bellamy gets one of them, and Y/n another. The rest is up to you."

I bit back a smile. I didn't think she'd so openly offer me a for sure spot like that. Maybe because I was important to Bellamy. But I hoped it was because we loved each other too. 

"The death wave comes in twenty-four hours," Octavia said. "You've got twelve to decide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been watching season 6 and can I just say I am in love with the new setting!! Also Jordan. If anything happens to him I'll sue the CW.


	12. The Chosen

We stepped out of the office to see every Skaikru member gathered in the rotunda. Irritated Grounders stood guard at every exit until every member of my clan was inside, then they shut the doors. Only one hundred of them would get to stay. Everyone was shouting, panicked, angry. Understandably so. I already got a spot. So did Bellamy. I just hoped all my other friends would make it. Given that we were going to be drawing names, I didn't see the chances of that being very high. 

Jaha turned to us, glowering. "Three out of four of these people are going to die tonight. You still think you made the right choice?"

I didn't justify that with a response. Bellamy squeezed my hand tight in solidarity. Whatever happened today, we'd get through it together. 

With everyone locked in the rotunda, we reconvened in the main office. Abby turned on the radio and called for Raven. I lingered close by with my dad while everyone else gave her space, just outside the door. I wanted to hear her voice. It felt like I hadn't seen her in ages. I missed her. 

"Just hang in there," Abby said, after a few moments of pleasantries. "We're sending a team to get you today."

"You're sure about this?" She asked. 

"Yes, we need you not just for the hundreds of things we know you can fix, but for the thousands that we haven't even thought of yet." 

There was a pause of silence. Then she spoke again, her voice softer, relieved. "Thank you, Abby."

"I'm just glad you're alright." 

Raven replied, "You'll be too. My brain is healing. The seizures have stopped. When I get there, we'll use the same procedure on you. You'll be cured."

Dad stepped forwards, concern clear on his face. "Cured? What's she talking about?"

I took a step back, giving them some space. I didn't know the story there but I knew that conversation was not going to involve me. 

The door opened, and the others stepped back into the office. Jaha was looking more bleak and angrily philosophical than normal. 

"Our people are scared, Marcus," Jaha said. "We need to tell them something."

Dad replied, "We just spoke with Raven. When she gets here, we'll have all our essential personnel."

"How many spots does that leave us with?" Clarke asked. 

Abby sighed. "Including the essential personnel and the places that we're holding for the children under sixteen, that leaves us with eighty."

Clarke repeated the number, her face falling. 

Jaha scoffed. "I can't believe we're talking about sending three hundred and sixty four of our own people to their deaths." 

"We're lucky they're giving us any space in this bunker at all," I snapped, trying to push down my annoyance. The tension was already high enough outside of the office. Better to keep it low inside. 

Dad interjected, "Look, I don't like it any more than you do."

"Then let's fight this!" Jaha said. 

"No. Any sort of resistance will cost us all our lives. Our best course of action is to hold a lottery for the remaining spots."

Jaha shook his head. "It's not going to work, Marcus."

Dad crossed his arms. "It was your idea."

"That was for the chance to survive!" 

"And how is this any different?" Abby implored.

"Until twenty minutes ago," Jaha said, his voice filled with distaste, "our people believed they were safe. They let down their guard. They picked their bunks. They unpacked their bags. They imagined their futures. You try to rip that from them now, and believe me they will fight."

Dad held up a hand. "No one's saying it's gonna be easy, but we need to make people listen to reason."

"Someone still needs to get Raven," Bellamy said, changing the subject. "I'd like to volunteer."

I nodded. I wasn't missing out on the chance to see my friend. "And I'll come too."

"So will I," Clarke added.  

Abby shook her head. "No." 

Dad didn't seem to happy with my volunteering either, but he knew better than to try and stop me. 

Clarke huffed. "Mom, look, Raven needs our help. I know the way to the island. I need to do this."

Dad stepped up to me, and enveloped me in a hug. "Well, you be safe. There will be a place for all three of you when you get back."

I squeezed Dad tight, and then headed out to the airlock with Bellamy and Clarke. Nervous energy filled me from my core. We were racing against impending doom. This was so different from all the other rescue missions and battles we'd fought. I couldn't beat radiation with a bow and arrow. We had to finish this perfectly, or we'd be sentencing ourselves and Raven to death. 

Abby joined us in the airlock while we were all pulling on hazmat suits to warn us about the dangers ahead. She attached a heavy duty electronic watch to each of our wrists, on the outside of our suits. "At these radiation levels, any amount of exposure is harmful. Keep the suit sealed at all times. You have twenty three hours until the death wave hits. On a good day it takes ten hours to get to the island and ten hours to get back. That doesn't leave much room for error."

"Mom, I know," Clarke reassured her. "We'll be careful." 

"I love you Clarke," Abby said. "Don't ever forget that."

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. "This isn't goodbye."

I drowned out the rest of their conversation, and stepped close to Bellamy. Gently, I touched his arm, and he turned around to face me. There was a softness in his eyes, dismayed but determined. I knew how he felt. This was going to be tough. But we'd get through it. 

I held his hands in mine and pressed my forehead against his. "Whatever happens today..."

Bellamy whispered, "Hey, don't think about that. We're gonna make it through this. Okay?"

I fought back the tears welling my eyes. Despite my confidence that we would be fine, I was still terrified. Today could be my last. "I love you, Bel. More than anything in the world, more than I thought I could love anyone." 

He smiled, a deep genuine smile that lit up his eyes. "You are such a gift, firecracker."

I laughed. "I know. But keep telling me how great I am."

Bellamy kissed me, deep and long. It was the most comforting feeling I'd ever experienced. My teasing arrogance melted away. Everything melted away. It was just the two of us, hoping this wasn't the last time we got to hold each other. "Okay. Here we go."

I smiled, and wiped the tears from my face. "Here we go."

Just then, the door opened. Murphy and Emori stepped in. "You got room for two more?"

Honestly, I was a little surprised. Wouldn't he have a better chance at surviving here? Didn't seem like him to want to join a rescue mission. "Murphy, what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "We heard you were going after Raven. We just wanna help."

Emori added, "I've been to that island dozens of times. No one knows the water better than me."

"Maybe it'll help our chances if we bring home the chosen ones," Murphy said. Well, that explained it.

Abby sighed. "There's a lottery. I'll make sure that your name is in it." 

"And Emori?" 

Abby frowned. "I'll do the best I can."

Murphy's face fell. I felt bad for him. If I couldn't guarantee Bellamy's safety, I'd be heartbroken too. 

They pulled on hazmat suits, and I pulled a helmet over my head. No turning back now. We followed Clarke out of the airlock and into the temple. The world was so much darker. It was terrifying how much it had changed. 

Bellamy grabbed Murphy's arm when everyone was far enough out of range. "What are you really up to, Murphy?" 

He yanked his arm back. "You know you killed us when you opened that door, right? What did you think they were gonna waste a spot on Emori, on me? We were safe, and you screwed us. You want to know what we're up to? It's called surviving. There's a bunker on that island. You're our ride. That's it." 

And, there it was. For real. I got it now. I didn't blame him at all. If I hadn't been guaranteed a spot in the bunker I might have gone for the other one on the island too. Anything for salvation. 

"That bunker's not stocked, Murphy," Bellamy warned. "You won't last five months let alone five years."

Murphy shook his head. "No. We probably won't. At least we'll survive the death wave. We can't all be essential personnel or have a sister who's queen of the Grounders." 

Silence. Murphy walked away. I hooked my arm through Bellamy's. I didn't need to say anything. He knew I was there for him. And I always would be. Whatever Murphy said didn't matter. He could do what he wanted, as long as it didn't get in my way. Just like the rest of us, he deserved a chance at life. 

We hopped into the rover and set off out of Polis and through the woods. I awkwardly sat in the back with Murphy and Emori. I knew Bellamy wanted to hash things out with Clarke for coming on the mission, for aiming a gun at me. I thought it would be good for him to get out his feelings. The same way Emori and Murphy were getting theirs out. 

I shifted as far away from them as possible. They didn't want me listening in on their intimate conversation. I just busied myself by looking out the back to the yellow tinted world, letting my thoughts wander. I wondered how Monty and Jasper were doing. It felt like ages since I'd talked to either of them. I hoped they were okay. Well, Jasper definitely wasn't. Deep down, I knew that I'd spoken to him for the last time. 

The rover's wild movements jarred me from my thoughts. I gripped tight to the side, letting go only when we crashed into a tree. Shit! What happened? 

Shouts in Trig from the front of the rover made my heart stop. I'd recognize Bellamy's distress anywhere. I wasn't going to let him fight off his attacker alone. As it turned out, I didn't really get the chance. A group of Grounders came barreling out of the woods, heading for the back of the rover. Without thinking, I positioned myself in front of Murphy and Emori. Despite our pasts, I considered both of them friends. And I'd be damned if I let anyone hurt my friends. 

When the Grounders pulled down the back hatch on the rover, I was ready. I kicked at them, holding tight to the roof, unwilling to be fallen by them. Murphy joined my side, just in time for one of the Grounders to grab my leg. They yanked hard enough that I lost my grip and my head slammed on the floor of the Rover. I didn't have enough time to recover before the Grounders pulled me to the ground. 

I screamed as two of them crowded around me, pinned me down, tried to take off my helmet. "They want our suits!" 

No one acknowledged my warning. They were all fighting their own battles. I kneed the person on top of me in the groin. They grunted in pain, giving me the upper hand. I rolled out from under them and scrambled to my feet. I kicked them until they were unconscious. But just like that, another wrapped their arms around me from behind. I gasped in surprise. Struggling, they practically threw me to the ground. I broke my fall with my hands so I wouldn't crack my helmet. 

Pinned again, an arrow came to my rescue. The Grounder on top of me slumped. An arrow protruded from his back. I pushed him off and stood to find all the other Grounders dead. Immediately, I rushed to Bellamy to see if he was okay. He held me protectively in his arms, his gaze transfixed on the woman that saved us. Echo. 

"There might be more of them. We should get going," Echo said. 

"Echo, what are you doing here?" Bellamy asked. 

"I know about your bunker on the island," Echo explained. "I just saved your lives. I'm hoping you'll return the favor."

Bellamy looked at the damaged rover and sighed. "Unless we can get another ride, no one's making it to that island." 

We paced around as night fell. We were losing too much time. No way we could make it back in time, not without a miracle. I sat down, leaning my head against a tree as Bellamy kept trying with his radio to reach Monty. I was beginning to think that maybe I'd lost him too. And that was the worst thought. 

"Monty, do you read me? Over," Bellamy repeated for like the hundredth time. "Monty, do you copy?"

Finally, his voice crackled through. "Bellamy come in. Do you read me?" 

I shot straight up, overjoyed to hear his voice. Thank fuck he was alive! 

"Yes, Monty I read you. Where are you?"

He replied, "Two clicks outside Polis. Almost there. Everything okay?" 

I stifled a dry laugh. What a dumb question. 

"Not exactly." Bellamy sighed. "Look, Monty I hate to ask you this but we broke down on the way to the island to get Raven. We need you to come reel us in."

"We're on our way," Monty replied after a pause of silence. "Tell us exactly where you are."

I smiled. Just like Monty to come through for us. God I loved him. I hoped this didn't ruin all our chances at safety. 

My brief moment of joy was shattered by Emori coughing. Blood splattered on the inside of her helmet, and she stumbled. Murphy rushed to her side, panicking. My stomach dropped. The fight with the Grounders. Something must have happened to her suit. 

Clarke rushed to her side, inspecting her. "You've been exposed!" 

"How's that possible, she's wearing a suit!" Murphy cried. 

"The seal of her helmet's torn," Clarke explained. 

"Can you fix it?" She asked. 

Murphy put a hand on her shoulder, clearly trying to reassure her. Love was a good color on him. "We just need tape, that's all. It's gonna be fine."

Clarke shook her head. "We don't have any tools or weapons."

Murphy's voice rose. "So we give her the extra suit then!" 

"We don't have another suit," I said, knowing it wasn't helpful. I couldn't stop myself. 

Murphy reeled on Echo. "Yes we do! Take it off. Now."

Echo's eyes widened in fear. "I saved your life."

"What were you gonna do if we didn't get attacked, huh?" Murphy challenged. Kind of a good point, actually. "I mean you guys seriously think she was following us out of the kindness of her heart? No, she was gonna attack us the second that we stopped. Give me the suit."

He rushed forwards, and I jumped in his way, barring his attack. "Hey, hey, Murphy, no. Look, you cut that suit and it saves no one." 

Desperate rage filled his eyes. I recognized that. "I'm not letting her die!" 

"Neither am I," Clarke said. Both of us turned to look at her as she pulled her helmet off. 

"Clarke, what are you doing?" I asked, astonished. Wouldn't it kill her? 

"I have nightblood," she replied. 

"Untested nightblood," Bellamy argued. 

"We're testing it now! Take off her helmet!" Clarke ordered. 

Murphy took off Emori's helmet and replaced it with Clarke's. I hoped it worked. For both of them. I wouldn't lose any more friends today. 

"Bellamy, you there?" Monty's voice crackled through the radio. "Come in."

"Yeah, we're here. Head northeast from Polis. And Monty? Drive fast." 

I paced around, highly aware of the time passing by. I turned my wrist to see the numbers on my watch were down to eleven forty-three. Less than twelve hours left. Crap. We definitely couldn't make it now. 

Clarke stepped up beside me and Bellamy. "We have to talk about it."

"We missed the window," I murmured, still hardly believing it. "Continue on to the island, we won't make it back."

"What about them?" Clarke nodded to Murphy and Emori. "Do we just save ourselves?" 

Bellamy said, "Clarke, if nightblood works, we need to get you to Polis. Them too. We pull in as many people as we can before the death wave hits. If your mom can make us all nightbloods, we only need to stay down there until it passes. We can still save everyone."

"Just not Raven," I said, my voice thick. I knew logistically it would be better to head back. But I couldn't just leave her. She was one of my best friends. 

Finally, Monty's headlights flooded our little encampment. Monty and Harper hopped out of the rover. Immediately, I enveloped the both of them in a tight hug. "Oh I missed you guys."

"We got here as fast as we could," Monty said, when we pulled away. "Clarke, you're exposed. Come on, let's get you into the rover!" 

Clarke shook her head. "No, Monty, I'm fine." 

"I'll grab the extra helmet," Harper offered, heading back to the rover. 

Murphy pushed past us. "Guys, come on. Planet ain't getting any less irradiated." 

Harper returned with a whole extra suit because the helmet didn't match ours. We all started heading towards the rover, when Clarke started coughing. Blood stained her lips, dripped down to the ground. Not a good sign. Maybe nightblood didn't work. 

"Clarke, you need to put on the suit!" Monty urged. His face fell. "It was for Jasper. At least now it'll do some good."

So I guess Jasper didn't make it after all. A crushing numbness fell over me. I really had seen him for the last time. Strange. Part of me thought that I'd walk into him when I went around back of the rover, that he'd make fun of me, that he'd get me to dance. But he was gone. Forever. 

"You should put it on," Monty said. "Jasper would want you to. If we're still gonna make it to the island-" 

"We're not going to the island," Bellamy interrupted. 

"Yes we are," Clarke replied. "Nightblood doesn't work." 

"We don't know that yet," Bellamy argued. "Luna got sick before she got better."

Clarke shook her head. "Even if you're right, they won't let us all into the bunker if I'm still sick. It took days for Luna's resistance to kick in. And by that time, the death wave will already be here, and all our friends will be dead. Are you okay with that?" 

Nice thought. Super comforting. Also, incredibly correct. 

"You know I'm not," Bellamy said. "Clarke unless I'm missing something there is no other way for all of us to survive."

"What if there is?" 

I exchanged a glance with Monty. What was she talking about? It better be something good, because I was sure feeling hopeful. 

* * *

When finally we reached the island, I was elated. We had a way to save all of us, and Raven. She was smart enough to get us to safety. The safety of space. I couldn't believe after just two hundred days on earth we were heading back into space. 

Once inside the station on the island, we all took off our helmets. Raven stared up at us, eyes wide with shock. And maybe a little bit of hope, too. 

"What are you doing here?" She exclaimed. 

I smiled at her. "We're not leaving you behind."

I took the steps down two at a time and enveloped her in a hug. God it felt so good to hug all my friends. Granted, I hadn't said goodbye to Octavia or Nate, but I'd see them again in a few years. And my dad too. Everything would be fine when the radiation was over. For once, we could be happy. 

"But there's no time to get back," Raven said.

"We're not going back," Clarke said. "We're going up."

A hint of a smile tugged at Raven's lips. 

"Oh don't look so surprised," Murphy teased. "It was all your crazy idea to begin with."

"Space?" Raven asked, just for clarification. "Uh, we don't have enough fuel to get down."

Harper said, "Sounds like a five year problem to me."

A realization dawned on Raven's face. "You're talking about the ring." 

Bellamy shrugged. "Seems like a shame to let a good rocket go to waste."

Raven glanced at the rocket. "How do we live?" 

"They left a water reclamator up there," Clarke explained. "And we know that go-sci has an algae farm. We just get those two things up and running, and we have food and water." 

"Algae salads and recycled urine." Murphy snorted. "Sign me up." 

I chuckled. 

"Better than dying," Emori said. 

Murphy smiled at her. "Yeah, you say that now."

"Alright, slow down," Raven interrupted, clearly still not convinced. "Breathing's important too. What's the plan for oxygen?" 

Monty explained, "Based on what Murphy says about the lighthouse bunker, I'm guessing - make that praying - there's an oxygenator there. We take it with us. You hook it up, bob's your uncle."

Raven said, "You're an engineer Monty. You do know there's about a thousand things wrong with that plan, right?" 

Monty nodded. "Yes. And every one of them kills us. Of course, staying here will kill us too, so."

"Raven," I said, stepped closer to her. "We need you to get us off the ground before the death wave hits. What do you say? Can you do it?" 

Raven crossed her arms and walked towards her rocket, glanced at the screen with the radiation warning. Arkadia's numbers blinked at zero minutes. Wow. Our old home was completely gone. "What do I say? I say that death wave can kiss my ass."

I nodded, swelling with hope. "Good. It's settled then. We're going back to the Ark."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to come out. Almost done with this book!! Still trying to decide where I want OC to end up at the end of the next chapter. Leaning towards one way. What are your thoughts? Hope you're enjoying!!


	13. Praimfaya

"Five years," Octavia said through the radio. "Can you really survive up there?" 

"Raven says we can," Bellamy replied. "As soon as it's safe, we'll find a way back down. We will meet again."

Octavia's voice broke. "I'll be waiting. Under the floor."

Bellamy smiled. I leaned against him, comforted by his warmth. I was surprised he wanted me in the room when he got the chance to talk to his sister. It was a personal thing. But I guess he was taking my whole we do things as a team thing to heart. I appreciated it. "You're not that little girl anymore."

There was a pause of silence on her end. 

"What is it, O?" 

"I'm not sure I'm up for this, Bel," she admitted. "They look at me like I know what I'm doing just because I won a fight." 

Bellamy reassured her, "They look at you like that because you saved them. But it won't last. Now, you have to lead."

"How?" She scoffed. "I'm not a leader. It should be you or Y/N or Clarke-" 

"O, stop," Bellamy said. "None of us could've done what you did. And it wasn't just winning a fight. You gave people hope when there was none. You're...you're Prometheus. Stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race." 

Octavia replied, "Prometheus got chained to a rock so that eagles could eat his liver."

Bellamy's smile widened and he rolled his eyes. "Thanks for ruining my metaphor, O." 

"I love you, big brother. Guess it takes the end of the world for me to say it."

Bellamy sniffled. I gently squeezed his shoulder. Finally, they had mended their relationship. "I love you too."

Static filled the radio. Bellamy's face fell. He kept calling for Octavia, but there was no response. My best guess was the radiation was interfering with the radio signal. Which meant Clarke wouldn't get to say goodbye to her mom. And I wouldn't get to say goodbye to my dad. Involuntarily, tears stung my eyes. That realization was sudden, overwhelming. What had I even said to him? I couldn't remember? Had we hugged? 

Before I knew what was happening, Bellamy's arms were around me. He was murmuring apologies in my ear as if it was somehow his fault that the radio stopped working. We pulled away when Clarke entered the room. 

"Hey. Do they have her?" Clarke asked. Neither of us responded. I dried my eyes. "Guys?" 

"The radio's dead," I said, over the lump in my throat. "Won't get to say goodbye to our parents. I'm sorry."

Clarke's face fell. Tears welled in her eyes. On instinct, I got to my feet and enveloped her in a hug. She was feeling the same pain I was, and deserved just as much comfort. Nothing that happened between us mattered anymore. We'd be in space soon, we'd have a future where we don't have to do shitty things to each other to survive. We'd be sisters again. We would all be a family again. 

Shouts from Murphy below pulled us from our hug. All three of us headed down the stairs to the main floor of the lab. We watched on the screen as the death wave took over Polis. I felt strangely empty. Going back was no longer an option. My dad was in a bunker, trapped beneath a shit ton of radiation. Radiation that was coming for us. Everything was so much more real now.  

The camera went out. I exhaled slowly, trying to calm the raging anxiety knotting my stomach. 

"It's two hundred and ten miles from Polis to the island," Raven said, her voice low, as if talking was her way of recovering from what she just saw. "According to what was our last drone, the wave is accelerating. If we're not off the ground at least twenty minutes before it hits, the electromagnetic charge in the pyroclastic cloud will shut down the rocket's avionics. Meaning it won't fly. That gives us ninety minutes to run a six hour pre-flight check, retrieve the oxygen generator from the lighthouse, turn a cockpit designed for two into one that can carry nine, and load the cargo with enough food to keep us from starving in space while we wait for the algae to bloom."

Murphy remarked, "I thought you said it was gonna be hard."

Raven turned to him. "That's not the hard part. Becca designed her rocket to dock with Polaris, not the ark. That means I have to pilot it into the hangar bay on the ring." 

"What's so hard about that?" Harper asked. 

Dismay filled Raven's eyes. Not a good sign. "That's not the hard part either." 

"What is the hard part, Raven?" I asked, a little tense. Time was running out. Getting to the point was better than not. 

She sighed. "Assuming we blast off in time, CO2 scrubbers on a two person rocket won't support nine of us." 

I suggested, "So we use supplemental oxygen."

Monty pursed his lips. "Our tanks would only hold an hour of air." 

Raven nodded. "Correct. We'll have one hour to get into orbit, land in the hangar bay, and fire up the life-support system using an oxygen generator built to supply a lighthouse bachelor pad."

Murphy groaned. "You suck at talking people into things, you know that right?"

"Anyone here still need to be talked into this?" Bellamy asked. No one responded. "Good. Now we know the many ways we might die today, why don't you tell us what we have to do to live?" 

Raven nodded, and typed something on the keyboard. An electronic clock appeared on the big screen, counting down from an hour and a half. Now we had a visual time limit. Really great for morale. Guess we had to work real fast.

* * *

While Monty and Murphy headed off to retrieve the oxygen generator, the rest of us stayed behind to help out Raven with the rocket preparations. Clarke, Bellamy, and I gathered in the upper level to go over the plan for space. Bellamy didn't seem to be paying much attention. I couldn't blame him. My thoughts were also on the bunker. The rest of their lives had begun, with the promise of safety from the radiation. We still had yet to escape it. 

Clarke cleared her throat. "So let's go over this again. I figure two months until the algae farm produces enough to feed us. If we ration the MREs, we should get there." 

She looked up to find Bellamy just staring at Echo and Emori loading up the rocket.

"Grounders in space. It's an oxymoron," Bellamy remarked, amused. 

I hooked my arm through his and leaned on him. "Survival is a team sport, especially up there. It was the only choice. Only choice, also an oxymoron by the way." 

"So is cold sweat." Bellamy smiled and brushed some hair out of my face. I hadn't realized that a sheen of sweat covered my face. All of this was getting to me. Clarke too. She was just as bad. Worse, probably. "Still holding out hope for that nightblood solution."

Clarke shrugged. "There was never any solution. Alie was right about that."

"Hey," I said, grabbing her hand. "Our fight is not over." 

"My mom had a vision of me dying," Clarke murmured. "Just like the one Raven had that told her there was a rocket here." 

I shook my head. "It is not the same thing."

"Yeah, they were both EMP'd." 

"And Abby will be fine too," I reassured her. "Raven told her how to stop it." 

Clarke frowned. "That's not what I'm talking about. If anything happens to me - " 

I pulled away from Bellamy and gave her my full attention. "Nothing is going to happen to you. Come on, let's run these water numbers again."

Clarke sighed, and headed down the stairs without another word. I knew she was scared. For all of us, more than herself. She always was. I lost sight of that for a while. But everything Clarke did, was for us. Leadership was hard, and I had judged her too roughly for her choices. At the end of the world, it didn't matter anymore. I wasn't going to let anything happen to her. She'd never be alone again. 

I turned to Bellamy once we were alone. I knew it was a somber topic, but I had to get everything off my chest just in case something went wrong. "Bellamy, hey. Listen, I know you don't want to hear this from me any more than Clarke, but I have to say it. In case we don't make it, I have to tell you this. We have been through a lot together, you and I. I didn't like you at first, that's no secret." 

He smiled softly, and I chuckled. 

"But, even then, every stupid thing you did," I continued, "it was to protect your sister. She didn't always see that, but I did. You've got such a big heart, Bellamy. People follow you. You inspire them because of this." I put my hand over his heart, and his hand went up to cover mine. "But the only way to make sure we survive is if you use your head too." 

Bellamy lifted my hand and interlocked his fingers with mine, then gently pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I've got you for that." 

I smiled, blinking away a few tears. "Just in case." 

A zap and scream of frustration from the main floor interrupted Bellamy before he could say anything more. We exchanged a glance and raced downstairs to find the rocket smoking. I raced towards the cockpit. 

"Raven what's going on?" 

She groaned. "There's not enough time! We're pushing too hard!" 

I climbed inside. "Okay so what's happening?" 

"Computer, systems check," Raven commanded.

The computer relayed information. "Launch system: optimal. Navigation system: optimal. Life support system: assessing damage." 

Raven waved her hand. "It's okay, we're using supplemental anyway."

"All life support systems are offline," the computer said. "Landing system: optimal. Communication system: assessing damage. All communication systems are offline."

Raven's face hardened. "Recommend repair options for communication systems."

"Who cares?" Harper said. "There's no one to talk to anyway."

"Quiet," Raven snapped. 

The computer said, "Damage is beyond repair. Total system replacement required."

I narrowed my eyes. "Talk to us Raven."

She glanced over her shoulder at the burnt out communication system. "We're not going anywhere. Computer, terminate launch sequence." 

Clearly aggravated, she stormed out of the rocket. I exchanged a confused glance with Bellamy and followed after her. "Raven, explain!" 

"It's simple," She replied. "There's no power in the ring. Two minutes ago I thought it wasn't a problem because I could activate it remotely." 

"Over the rocket's comm system," I finished. I got it now. We needed power to open the door and that power had to come from the rocket. 

Bellamy put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow. "So we turn the power on from the inside."

Raven huffed. "We can't get inside! That's the point! Without power we can't even open the hangar door!" 

I tried to keep my panic subdued and a cool exterior. No time for being a warrior anymore. Nothing to fight. I had to try my hand at leading. It wasn't too long ago Raven herself said I would be good at it. "Raven, think. You've solved bigger problems than this before." 

Raven scoffed and looked at her watch. "Oh, yeah, not in fifty-three minutes." 

"Raven-" 

"It's over, Y/n!" She shouted.

I pursed my lips and swallowed down my frustration.  _Keep it cool, keep it cool. Someone needs to be the rock here. Never thought it'd be me._

Raven huffed, tears glistening in her eyes. "You know, maybe if I still had Alie's code eating away my brain I could figure it out. I'm not smart enough myself."

I took a seat beside her. "Hey, Raven. You can do this." 

She shook her head. 

"Yes, you can," I insisted. "How many times have you saved our asses before you ever even heard of Alie?" 

A hint of smile tugged at Raven's lips. "Oh, too many to count."

"You're damn right. We don't need Alie on the Ark. We need you," I said, my voice soft and reassuring, yet full of a sentient sort of assertiveness. I hardly recognized it. Was this how a leader acted all the time? 

Raven turned to me as tears rolled down her cheeks. At first, her gaze was full of kind appreciation, and then something flickered in her eyes. I could see the cogs turning in her mind. 

I raised an eyebrow. "What?" 

"Alie was on the Ark. Alie was on the Ark!" Fueled by ideas, Raven leaped up from the steps and started pacing around. "I was right there, so close to the kill switch, but she got away by transmitting herself to the ring." 

Emori added, "Using the pod in the temple."

"Yes!" Raven exclaimed. "If she can do it, so can we." 

"Raven, we'll never make it back to Polis on time," Clarke pointed out. "And the radios are all dead."

Raven turned to her. "We have something better than radios. The satellite tower." Raven pointed at Echo, Harper, and Emori. "You three, back in the cockpit. Finish those restraints." She motioned to me, Bellamy, and Clarke. "You three, helmets on. You're with me. Computer, resume launch sequence!" 

 _Resuming launch sequence_.

Raven smiled. "Okay everybody, let's go."

I grabbed Bellamy's hand before we headed up the steps. "Wait. And I know you hate hearing this, but I'm a just in case kind of person. I love you. Kiss me in case we die out there? Get a last one in?" 

Bellamy smiled, one that stretched all the way to his eyes and made them sparkle. He pulled me into him. Gently, he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. My skin tingled at his touch. Gently, he pressed his lips to mine. At first, it was sweet, soft, loving, and then it grew more passionate, filled with fervor, a kiss that left me absolutely breathless. My head spun when he pulled away. 

"How was that?" He teased. 

I smiled, and interlocked his fingers with mine. "Perfect." 

We stayed like that for as long as we could before Raven yelled at us. Pulling our helmets on, we stepped out of the lab to find our last chance at survival. 

"The tower's less than a mile away," Raven said, pointing at a hard to miss satellite tower stretching to the tops of the yellow sky. "One more time. All we have to do is plug this into the junction box at the base of the tower."

Raven handed me a circuit board. I inspected it, but knew I hadn't much hope of understanding it. I could try though. I needed to try. I wouldn't fail this. I knew I'd have everyone beside me just in case, but I wanted to try it myself. Be worth more than just someone who can handle a bow and arrow. After familiarizing myself with it, I handed it back to Raven who tucked it in her pack. 

"Sat-star-one is the name of the dish," Raven explained. I repeated it, to make sure it stuck in my mind. "Everything is set. Once the tablet is connected, the dish will align itself with the Ark. The graphic will flash green, and that's how you know it's locked on. When it says send, you hit send, and the power-up signal will turn on the lights, and that's it. Are there any questions?"

"Yeah," I grunted. "Why are you smiling?" 

"Because without comms, even with the power on, we still can't open the hangar bay door from inside the rocket," Raven replied. 

"Wait, how is that a good thing?" Bellamy asked. 

I shook my head, and smiled. She would get to do the thing she loved most. "She gets to take her spacewalk."

Just then, Murphy came barreling out of the woods with the oxygen generator. He didn't look to well. And Monty was nowhere in sight. My heart hammered in my chest. What the hell happened out there? 

"Murphy?" Bellamy called. "Hey, Murphy!" 

We all raced towards him as he collapsed to the ground. 

"Murphy, where's Monty?" I asked, touching him gently on the shoulder. 

Murphy replied, frantically, "He's in trouble! He had to expose his hands. He passed out. Look, if we go back now we can get to him." 

A silence passed over us. Shocking that Murphy was sticking his neck out for someone else. I knew he had a heart in there somewhere. 

He rolled his eyes. "You can be impressed with me later. We got to go." 

"Aligning the dish is a one person job," Raven explained. "Y/n can handle it. Clarke will help me with the generator. Go!" 

But I was a just in case person. Now my backup was gone. I really couldn't fuck it up this time. Just as Bellamy and Murphy turned to leave, I stepped towards him. 

"Y/n, if this is one of those moments where you tell me to use my head - " 

I shook my head, and hugged him, squeezing tight. "No. I was just gonna say, hurry." 

Bellamy replied when we pulled away, "You too. Lead the way, let's go." 

He and Murphy took off into the woods. 

Raven handed me her backpack. "Monty's pack. Everything's inside. It's gonna take you a good ten minutes to get back from the tower and down to the cockpit. You have to leave that cockpit with ten minutes on the clock or you'll be left behind." 

I nodded. "Ten minutes. I...I got this." 

I swallowed nervously as I put the pack over my shoulders. But I couldn't make my feet move. Damnit, why couldn't I move? I'd been given a monumentally important leadership task and I couldn't do it. Maybe I wasn't worth more than a simple warrior. I was terrified I was going to mess up. I'd always thought myself independent, but being with Bellamy taught me that I needed other people to fall back on, a support system, something to inspire hope. 

Clarke stepped towards me, gently touching my arm. "Do you want me to do it?" 

I shook my head. "No I can. But...would you come with me? Just in case. I...I know it's a lot to ask." 

Clarke nodded. "Of course. Raven?" 

Raven picked up the oxygen generator. "I don't care just get it done! Harper will help me."

I turned to her. "Any last advice?" 

"Yeah. Run fast. Please." 

I smiled at her, surging with newfound confidence. "We'll be back before you know it."

With that, I raced in the direction of the tower, Clarke right on my heels. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, pushing me to run faster. It was hard. Hazmat suits weren't exactly built for moving fast. By the time we reached the tower, sweat plastered my hair to my forehead and my lungs were burning. I took a deep breath and recovered. I checked my watch. Eleven minutes left. There was no time to experience pain right now. 

I turned to Clarke, suddenly struck by a wave of guilt. "You should go back. There isn't a lot of time left. I don't want to be the reason you don't get on the rocket." 

Clarke shook her head. "I'd never hold that against you. I'm here for you. Let's just get this done and get back. Okay?" 

I nodded. "Okay." 

At the base of the tower, I opened the backpack and pulled out the circuit board connected to the tablet.  _Sat-star-one_. I chanted it over and over in my mind as I yanked the door to the junction box open. I unfurled the mess of wires and plugged them into the correct input. I glanced at the tablet screen to see the light flash blue for a brief second, and then it warned me that the dish wasn't aligned. 

Shock stuck me. Panic gripped at my throat, and I looked to Clarke for help. "No, wha...what did I do wrong?" 

I searched through the pack and pulled out a radio. "Raven, please say you can hear me. Something went wrong. I did everything you said but it wouldn't - " 

Clarke interrupted me and pointed at the door of the junction box where an image of the satellite was printed. 

I groaned. "Manual Operation? You've got to be kidding me."

I looked at my watch. Ten minutes exactly. Dread weighed down my limbs. I wasn't making it back. Neither of us were. But I'd be damned if the rest of them didn't make it. This would be just as honorable as a warrior's death. 

Shakily, I tried the radio again. "Raven, Bellamy, if you can hear me, don't wait." I turned to Clarke. "You should go if you want to live." 

She smiled sadly. A deep sadness that filled her eyes. "I'm not leaving you alone." 

Tears stung in my eyes. "Well, if you've made up your mind. Thanks. Let's send everyone else back to space." 

I grabbed the tablet, unplugged the wires, and shoved it back into the pack. Slinging the backpack over my shoulder, I hoisted myself up the ladder. To myself, I whispered, "Yi gonplei ste odon." 

My fight is over. 

Halfway up, my muscles screamed for rest but I couldn't. I couldn't stop. Not if I was going to ensure Bellamy would live. That's all I wanted. Even if I couldn't share in that life with him. The ground rumbled. I looked over my shoulder and my stomach dropped. In the distance, the death wave obscured the horizon. It was a mammoth yellow cloud, roiling with green lightning, creeping towards us. I made myself climb faster. Time was running out. 

Near the top, I stopped again. The rocket launched into the sky. My heart fluttered. Bellamy was on there. He would be safe. 

"I love you Bel," I whispered. My ring was suddenly very heavy on my finger. "May we meet again."

Then the rocket was gone, too far up that I couldn't see it anymore. I had to do this for him. For all of them. 

At the top, I stepped up onto the platform. Clarke followed. The whistling wind threatened to knock us off, but I gripped the side and stood my ground. I pulled the tablet out of the pack and lined it up correctly just like I had at the base. But still, the dish wouldn't align. 

"Come on, turn!" I screamed, overwhelmed with fear and frustration. 

 _Manual override recommended,_ the computer said to me. 

I exchanged a glance with Clarke. The same thought passed her mind. I waved her over. "Here help me! Let me know when it's aligned!" 

Swallowing back my fear, I climbed to the very top of the tower. Grunting with effort, I pushed on the dish. When I heard nothing from Clarke, I pulled it a different direction, ignoring the protest of my arms. 

"It's aligned!" Clarke shouted to me. 

I smiled, and relief washed over me. We'd done it. Our friends would find salvation. "Yes!" 

I climbed back down beside Clarke and enveloped her in a hug. I was more relieved than I'd like to admit that she'd stayed with me. Dying alone would have crushed me, even if I'd saved everyone. And maybe that was selfish. But I didn't care. I would've done the same for her. For any one of my friends. 

We didn't waste any more time. Moving faster than I ever had in my life, I half climbed, half fell down the tower, desperate for safety. When my feet hit the ground, I took off running. Wind roared around us as we raced for the lab. An inkling of an idea was forming in my mind. As much as I loved the idea of sacrificing myself for my friends, I wanted to live to see them all again. Even if it was in five years. 

Clarke screamed. I whirled around to see that she'd fallen and cracked her helmet. Without another thought, I helped her up. She covered the crack and kept moving. As soon as we got inside the lab, I stripped off my helmet and one sleeve of my suit. Clarke stared at me incredulously. 

"What the hell are you doing?" 

Frantically, I searched around the lab for a needle and syringe. "Clarke you have to infuse me with your blood. It's my only chance to survive the radiation! I don't care if it's slim. We're the same blood type so my body won't reject it. Please!" 

Hesitantly, Clarke ripped off her sleeve. Already she was seeing the effects of radiation. I was beginning to feel it too. Nausea twisted my stomach around. She grabbed the syringe from me and filled it completely with her blood. I held out my arm, and winced when she stuck it in my veins. It was a strange feeling, to have black blood coursing through me, mingling with my normal blood. God, I hoped it worked fast. Even if it didn't, at least we tried. That was all that mattered. 

"It might not work," Clarke admitted, her voice sorrowful. 

I blinked away a few tears and felt my throat grow tight. Dizziness took hold of my mind. "I don't care. Thank you Clarke. For everything." 

Before I could say anything else, the radiation took hold of me. I coughed, surprised to see blood splatter the floor. Much darker than it should have been. Maybe Clarke's blood transfusion would work. In any case, I didn't get to think on it any longer. Black spots danced in my eyes. I collapsed to the floor, and everything went dark. 

* * *

**6 years and 7 days later.**

I smiled up at the bright blue sky as a light rain drizzled from the few puffy clouds. It was so nice to see the world peaceful again. Even if it was the only spot left on the planet. Radiation wasn't looming. Nor war. Nothing. The only thing that destroyed me a little more every day was the fact that I hadn't seen Bellamy in forever. He was supposed to come back a year ago. Now I feared I'd seen the last of him. 

The memory of the last kiss we shared replayed in my mind as I turned on my satellite radio, and aimed it towards the sky. Exhaling deeply, I took a seat on a log. "Here we go again. Bellamy, if you can hear me...if you're alive. It's been two thousand, one hundred and ninety-nine days since Praimfaya. I don't know why I still do this every day. Maybe it's my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am...who I was. Who I love. It's been safe for you to come down for over a year now. Why haven't you? The bunker's gone silent too. We tried digging them out for a while, but there was too much rubble. I haven't made contact with them either." 

My mind wandered to my father. I hoped he was okay too. 

I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I still have hope. Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green, and you'll find me. The rest of the planet, from what I've seen, basically sucks, so. Just, um, come home soon. I miss you. I love you. That, I'll never forget." 

A sonic boom in the sky caught my attention. I looked up to see a spacecraft shooting down to the ground. Surging with hope, I stood. Bellamy was finally coming home! I raised the radio to my mouth again, smiling. "Never mind. I see you." 

I raced back to the rover parked a few feet away, where Clarke was drawing on the hood. She perked up when I approached. I beamed at her. "They're back!" 

Without waiting for her response, I rounded the rover and clambered in the back where a young girl with dark, flowing hair was sleeping. Gently, I nudged her awake. My little nightblood. " _Shapta strik, Natblida_. It's time to wake up." 

Slowly, she stirred. "No lessons today." 

At the sound of thrusters outside, she shot awake. I smiled at the excitement on her face. " _Jak kom op dami_. Took you long enough." 

She raced out to where I'd set up the radio. I sauntered after her, chest swelling with elation. Never in a million years did I think I'd have met someone else as important to me as Bellamy. Everyone was right. The love for your child was unlike anything else. Stronger a bond than most things.

"I thought you said the ship was small!" She called in Trig. 

I furrowed my eyebrows and raced out to her, joined by Clarke. My heart pounded against my chest as I start at the huge ship that was in the process of landing. This was not Bellamy. 

"Madi, go get my rifle," I ordered, not taking my eyes off the vessel. "Now!" 

Immediately, she obeyed. I exchanged a glance with Clarke. She was just as worried as I was. Madi returned in a few seconds and handed me my rifle. I aimed it at the ship and peered through the scope. On the side of the ship, I made out the words  _Eligius Corporation, Cell Block 8, Prisoner Transport_. 

"We're here, we're here!" Madi called, waving her arms in the air. 

I whirled around, and yanked both her and Clarke to the ground. "Stop! Get down! Madi, I want you to back up the rover. Get it out of sight, and load the guns." 

"All of them?" She asked. 

I nodded. "All of them. Clarke, keep her safe." 

"You stay out of trouble," she warned. 

I flashed her a nervous smirk. "I always do." 

Dread seeped into my bones as I stared at the transport ship. Whoever these people were, I wasn't going to let them in here without a fight. This was my home, our home. And I wasn't going to let anyone hurt my family. No matter what the cost. 

I just hoped Bellamy would come down too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y'all! I finally picked a route! For those of you worried about heartbreak, (spoilers lmao) the relationship between Bellamy and OC isn't going to be too damaged I promise you that. I kinda took the idea of the space and ground endings and fast-forwarded it through the next book to see what that would lead to and this is what I think works better for what I wanna do. Obviously I took some creative stretches with the whole nightblood thing but whatever. It is fiction after all. Hopefully you enjoyed!! Stay tuned for the next in the series!


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